So ds is 10 months and we are fast approaching me returning to work and him going to nursery. In general I absolutely love my job and am friends with my team and I've really enjoyed my KIT days. We're really happy with the nursery we've chosen for ds and I know he will love it and it'll bring him on great. Plus I cannot wait to have a proper wage again.
But I cannot get rid of the knot in the pit of my stomach that's been building for the last lot of weeks. Its in the background all the time and i feel physically sick (have been physically sick a few times in the last week) from a constant feeling of anxiety which I think is stemming from the idea of my mat leave ending.
I've had the loveliest year with ds, I love my job but it's very emotionally intense and can be very stressful and I don't think I even really processed the effect it has on me before taking a year off. I've had the most relaxing year of my life and I've felt really lucky to have this time with ds. Logically I know we're both ready to go to the next step but if I know this logically then why do I feel so anxious and unsettled about it?
And how do I manage that? I hate that my maternity leave feels like its almost on a count down now, I've had graphic nightmares about not being able to keep ds safe around the time of my kit days, even though I've really enjoyed being in work and it's made me feel excited to be back and get my teeth into things again. I feel pressure to 'make the most' of our last few weeks together but equally I'm trying to get him into a good routine for starting nursery so every day can't be an adventure day.
Any advice on how to manage this? How did everyone else cope? Because of the nature of my job I really need to be able to hit the ground running and be able to deal with heavy emotional stuff as soon as I'm back so I want to make sure I'm going back in as good a mind frame as I can so any advice is really appreciated! Is this normal?