Panicking about the arrival of number 2

[ExcitingTimes2023]

Number 2 is due in 6 short weeks. Number 1 will be 2year 3months. Number 1 is a very sensitive little soul. Still needs a lot of support for sleep and her nap. Up until recently her sleep was horrendous but seams to have improved for now. She is also very lively, wants my attention almost of the time. Iv only just started to get a bit of independence and ‘me time’ again recently.
I’m starting to panic, like really panic about the arrival of number 2. The sleep deprivation, 2 different nap schedules, feeding schedules, breast vs bottle, trying to make time for both babies, entertaining a toddler while meeting the needs to a baby, dealing with number 1s million tantrums a day, finding a little time just to be myself, I don’t think I can do it. I have no social life as it is anymore, my life is work and my child and I’m about to start that process from scratch again just as I was starting to get some freedom back. Any advise from those who have a similar age gap and lively little souls?

Any advice out there? I havent stopped crying for a few days now. I’m just getting myself really worked up x

Bumping for you. It's a long time since I had children so I can't really comment. One thing I will say though, don't feel you have to breast feed if bottle will make things easier for you. 💐

I think your fears are very normal, whatever your age gap. Everyone panics about turning their firsts upside down when their second comes along. My age gap was a bit bigger (2y9m I think?) and I had twins, so I had some different challenges, but we muddled through. Let standards slip, rely on TV when you need to, make sure your other half is pulling his weight, keep a handful of new toys ready to pull out in particularly challenging moments. In the very early days I used to stick the babies in a pram a lot and get my eldest out on his bike or scooter.

Going from one to two was far easier for me than 0-1. i feel the three of us are a little team and I do genuinely enjoy our days together (although they are exhausting!) more than I did when it was just my DS and I.

DS was 2 years 7 months when DD came and he seemed a lot more grown up from about 2 years 4 months onwards.

Does your no1 go to preschool or nursery? If not honestly start now! DS does three days a week and we all need it. I can’t sustain the level of activity we do for two days on the trot, DD needs to recover as she doesn’t sleep much when DS is about, and the routine and normality is good for DS.

Absolutely know how you feel. I actually cried in labour with number 2 as 'I wasn't ready'. My fears were mainly around how hard the baby would be as DC1 was horrendous as a baby and we didn't bond for a few months. The age gap was also reasonably small (2 years 1 month).

To my utter surprise it was waaaaay easier than I had imagined. We bonded instantly. And as I was then an experienced mum I was far more efficient and confident than I had been first time around. Dc2 just kind of slotted in with life. First time around I struggled to get washed and dressed by lunch time. Second time around we were up and doing pre-school runs at 9am no problem.

It's a completely valid and normal worry, but trust me when I say it will be fine. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and take each day as it comes when you're new arrival is here

Don’t panic!

I had 2 within 2 years and it was great mostly. Your DD sounds like my eldest, she didn’t sleep well. She needed a lot of attention. She never stopped talking. I was dreading number 2 but he was such a chilled baby. He would just yawn and go to sleep (I didn’t even know babies could actually do that). My DD would help with him, get nappies and sing to him. Try to keep him entertained. In fact I found it easier with 2 than with one. My DD got easier because I really couldn’t give her as much attention and DS was just chill because he didn’t know it any other way.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is you don’t know what your new baby is going to like. Children are fantastic as adapting to new things.

The freedom thing I can’t help you with as I didn’t have any time away from my 2 as my husband worked away a lot but I did take them out a lot and meet with other Mum’s. We formed an amazing little unit.

Mine are the same gap. They're two and four now and it's utter madness but very fun. You are madly hormonal right now, remember, it's probably not going to be that bad. You might even get a good sleeper!

We kept the older one in childcare while I was on maternity partly to keep the place and partly because he would have been climbing the walls - it was summer 2021 so there still wasn't much open and husband works from home full time.

It is going to be a lot for the next year, but the big one is getting to the stage of doing activities so you will accidentally acquire some kind of social life out of that.

Baby fits everyone else's routine. Mine did his first nap in the car on the way to leave his brother to nursery, did his last one on the way to get collect. Big one was starting to drop his nap anyway so there was a noise factor but it was also easier to coordinate.

Immediate coping:

1. If you have anyone at all who can come and help occupy the toddler when baby comes home, get them booked in now. Granny knows every inch of the hedge now, god love her. His big sister also taught him that if he's really good for baby's naps he can go for a walk to the ice cream shop. Do not recommend.

1. We got the big one the Wonderly "A new brother for Name" book, which did help (we knew sex and name ahead of time, but worth having that ready to go if you e picked already).

1. Find things that keep him interested for a good half an hour, then you can at least sit down.My mum found these clay dinosaur eggs that you soak in water and they dig dinosaurs out of. They're an awful mess but they did occupy him wonderfully over a nap.

1. Embrace the fact that there will be Sarah and Duck (or whatever) marathons while you feed/nap baby.

1. Hand the little buggers over to your other half and GO TO BED FOR AN HOUR. Even if world war three breaks out don't come back down.