Is rubbish food better than nothing ? So stressed ARFID and ASD

[focusonthenumbers]

Dd (4) has such a rubbish diet. I know I need to listen to her dietician and doctor that all that matters is calories. Not to see any food as good or bad just as calories and to have enough each day but it just feels wrong and I get so stressed 😩

She drinks ice cold baby formula ( 10 oz morning and evening) - they said that’s good as it’s got vitamins etc in. She likes either crunchy hard foods or purées and absolutely everything has to be chilled. So her diet is basically baby purées (only carrot,parsnip apple or mango yogurt ones , smooth plain Greek yogurt, breadsticks, crackers, rich tea biscuits and crisps that’s it. We have to give her a liquid vitamin each day which she hates so much.

Her weight is ok, her bloods are ok but I keep worrying about long term, about her arteries etc as she eats crackers and crisps but the dietician just says don’t worry it’s all calories and that’s what matters . I just wish it wasn’t like this

It sounds like you’re getting advice and support from all the right places. Dietician etc.
I know it can be so stressful when kids don’t eat properly but the fact you’re consciously aware of this is a good thing as you won’t just allow this to be the way it is forever.

keep going back and getting advice/help until you are satisfied.
sending love x

I have no advice I’m afraid but I think you are clearly doing your best to meet your daughters needs. She is fed on the food she is currently able to tolerate and you are seeking professional help and support. Be gentle with yourself.

Yes absolutely, you're doing a brilliant job, restrictive eating is so hard, as it goes against all the messages we receive as parents. Yes do listen to the dietician. So much of the messaging we get about food in general is marketing. They really know their stuff.

(If you want to, you might wish to ask for this to be moved to the SEN section so you don't get well-meaning but unhelpful comments).

All food is food, it's keeping your dc alive and healthy so it's not rubbish.

The dietitian is right..

There is zero point in stressing over this.

I just find it so hard especially when I know she’s making progress (she actually asks for certain food now - crisps or crackers) and this is a massive positive as at one point she wasn’t eating so for her to be asking is great and I have to smile and be so positive but inside I’m thinking ‘this is the second packet and it’s going to clog her arteries’ but I have to not show it and trust that the dr and dietician know what they are doing.

We have been starting to do activities with food which make her gag but she’s a bit better (potato prints and making ‘paint’ with things like mashed raspberries) so I know things are better than they were but I feel anxious and I don’t want her picking up on it

You’re right and this is exactly what the dietician keeps saying. I need to stop worrying but I’m finding it hard to think of anything else

My daughter is 14 with undiagnosed ARFID.

I've given up. As long as she's eaten I'm happy.

Every night she has pepperoni pizza. Every single night.

She lives off chocolate breads and crisps.

Everything else makes her heave.

She has a vitamin everyday.

I can't change it. She cany change it.

Do an Elsa and let it go.

People thay think it's fussyness Dobt understand, it's an eating disorder.

It’s so hard isn’t it. I need to just stop stressing and be glad she’s eating enough calories to grow. I asked once if we should start to cut the formula back to increase appetite and they said no as it’s full of nutrients she needs and we don’t want to cut back in anything we want to increase the accepted foods so mustn’t remove any safe foods

Fat is good, as much as possible. Yogurt, Salami, butter and olive oil. And protein if you can, protein yogurts are good.
Do you have food issues? Where are you getting this clog the arteries idea? She is 4 not 54.

No I have no food issues, I had a few comments off MIL and my DM about crisps and crackers and the formula , basically saying cut back the milk and she will eat then saying things like ‘bet you regret ever buying unhealthy stuff as if she hadn’t ever know crisps exist she wouldn’t be living off them ! Think of her arteries’ so then it stuck in my mind and worries me 😞

The only reason she ever tried crisps and crackers was last Xmas as her older cousins had some and she amazingly tried some after first crushing loads up she really loves crunchy stuff

Very crunchy or very smooth never anything in between

But the experts are telling you not to worry and that you’re doing just the right thing. DM and MIL need to be told the experts have said you’re handling this just right. And they need to stop commenting or stay away!
This isn’t a case of a picky eater who prefers crisps to a roast. You’re doing great in a really hard situation.

Her arteries are a concern for tomorrow. Her not starving herself and getting enough calories to grow is the concern for today. Focus on today's concern.

The fat in standard UK crisps like Walkers is sunflower oil and rapeseed oil. These are healthy fats containing important nutrients. They are not going to clog her arteries. The Greek yoghurt,fruit,veg and formula are all really good. Overall,it sounds like a much better diet than a lot of UK children get. It's great she's asking for food now.

Thank you I know you’re right

Thankyou for all being so kind to me I feel a lot better , it’s just so hard as I have nobody to talk to about it and I’d worked myself up about it today I appreciate how supportive everyone has been so much

Oh bless you, those comments are awful and have lodged in your mind 😢 I also have a teen with ARFID (and recently diagnosed ASD) like PP, and she only eats pizza, tomato/cheese pasta, chocolate. That’s basically it. We just don’t stress now, and have learned to accept this is what she eats. We hope she’ll grow out if it a bit in time, but so far she’s been very restricted since weaning. My mum used to say unhelpful things in the beginning, but then she read up about it and since discovering ARFID she has been really supportive. I hope your relatives can do the same - do you think they would read some stuff about it?
Just to reassure you: my DD has always been v healthy, never catches colds etc, won’t take any vitamins or eat veg but manages to be physically fine 👍 Keep doing what you’re doing, and support your DD to have as little stress around food as possible.

I used to be a member of an ARFID parents group on Facebook - it’s linked to Felix Ekonomakis who treats it. It was a really good place to get support 👍

I agree with what everyone else has said, just give her anything she will eat. I was wondering if she'd eat the veg or fruit crisps if it's more of a texture than flavour thing.

Aldi do Scrapple crisps which are dried crispy apple slices and sainsburys do a multipack of 6 individual bags of Rainbow tortilla chips which are beetroot, spinach and sweet potato.

I feel so bad for you. You can only do so much.

If I were you I'd start by trying to find healthy crisps that don't have a tonne of additives. In theory, crisps only need to be thinly sliced dehydrated potatoes (or other vegetables, hence why you can get vegetable crisps). You could make this at home with a dehydrator or oven although it might be hard for you to make the quantities needed. Maybe DM & MIL can do that, since they seem to care so much?

If she likes purée does she have soup? and if she likes crunchy does she like seeds?

Unless she starts smoking twenty a day you really don't need to worry about her arteries 😉

Ignore unhelpful comments from family members.

My dd has anorexia and I have completely reframed healthy/unhealthy foods. Healthy foods for my dd are butter, cream, crisps, biscuits, cake and chocolate!!

Give your dd as much of the food she likes as she wants and be happy she's eating.

It can get much better. I tried pizza at 16, toast at 16, different types of ham by maybe 13. Veg ish at 25 and a few more by 35. 🤣