Sibling age gap..

[MCMP13]

What do you think the best age gap between siblings is?

4 years

I agree with @addictedtotheflats , around 4 years. The older child gets enough of your time when they’re younger and are old enough to understand more but the gap isn’t so large that they have completely different interests.

Obviously that’s only what I think and there’s pros and cons to just about every age gap. At the end of the day the age gap doesn’t really make a difference to how close the kids are; I think that goes more on temperament and other factors.

3.5-4 years. The older one is mature enough to cope with the invasion of the sibling into their world by that age, and is more suited to socialising with peers so they are less dependent on their parent. Plus they are in school or nursery, so the baby can have focused quality time with a parent.

3.5 years. Eldest out of nappies but still little enough to be playmates. Mine are 5 and 18 months now and I just love it.

Thanks for your replies. Me and husband are debating it 😂 I know we can’t actually chose as it could take a while to actually happen but we are undecided when to start trying x

3.5 years. Close enough to be peers but each can get some ‘first born benefits’ of one-to-one adult time. Less frazzled parents too.

That said, I’ve seen some really lovely bonds between siblings of 10 year+ difference who very much relate to each other as peers as adults.

3 years and I will never be convinced otherwise. Eldest out of nappies, getting free nursery hours, communicative, understood I was unavailable if BF etc, no naps (albeit some downsides to that but I liked that his routine was less rigid when we had a baby), no more buggy, sleeping through, basically a small child as opposed to tot but close enough in age to (theoretically at least...) still be playmates with a less difficult transition for eldest, but not so far apart that you feel like you're starting all over again. It feels nicely spaced in the school years, I won't have them doing GCSEs and A levels at the same time, and they're not likely to overlap at uni- and the best thing is they have lots of joint sibling friends with the same age gap which makes socialising easier!

I have a 4 year age gap and for the most part it's great. DD started school when DS was a few weeks old, so I got a chance to spend time with him, and she got a break from her baby brother! She was incredibly proud to be a big sister and very helpful (her choice!). In turn, DS was fascinated by her. They still play together a lot (9&5) but can be independent of one another too.

The hardest part (once the newborn sleep deprivation was improving) was when DD was 6 and DS was 2. He wanted to do everything she did and sometimes he couldn't, and that was difficult to navigate sometimes. Didn't help that it was 2020! We still have the same thing occasionally but at least DS can be reasoned with a bit more.

Other than that though, 4yrs has been wonderful.

We have 3.5 years between ours and I’d absolutely agree 3-4 years is perfect. You only know what you know though! But only one in nappies, no jealousy, eldest has good communication and understanding, no need for a double buggy, can reuse the car seats as they’re never in the same stage at the same time, financially it’s easier as eldest has funded hours then is at school by the time mat leave ends yet still close enough to be good playmates by the time you reach 2 and 5 has me convinced.

As close together as you can financially and practically manage- mine are 3 yrs - wish they were closer but I know I’m not the type to cope with 2 under 2

I want 3-4 years and husband wants asap 😂

I wanted 3yr maybe 3.5 yr age gap but it happened very quickly. I have 2.5yrs age gap. It was hard in the beginning. Especially as lockdown happened when youngest was a couple months old.

My eldest could talk well, was out of nappies, dummy had gone and she was in a bed in her own room before her sister was born. This helped massively, I really didn't want to be changing nappies of 2 kids!

They are 4 and 6 now and it's so much easier plus we are massively seeing the benefit now. Can do most activities together and they have similar likes and interests. My sister has 4yr age gap and I can see she struggles with what to do with younger one when older one wants to do stuff that isn't appropriate for the little one. They are 7 and almost 3.

I want 3-4 years and husband wants asap

Vagina trumps penis in such matters ;)

Mine are 3.5 years apart and I don't struggle to find things they can do together. I find DC1 plays younger than her age and DC2 older. For example, DC1 went to soft play for longer, and DC2 stops when DC1 would still have been going. But we moved onto trampoline park and ninja warrior. They are 12 and 9 now, and DC1 still wants to go see Santa this christmas. I can't imagine visting santa grotto when they are 12 and 15.

There's always something for both ages available still with this age gap.

Im currently 33 weeks pregnant and my DS has just started school. I have absolutely loved having all of my free time with him up until school, soft plays, swimming, playgrounds, parks where he has my undivided attention. Not worrying about lugging a baby around with us😂 and now I can do the same with my new baby while my DS is in school.

Affordability was part of it aswell, having 2 in nursery would have meant we couldn't of afforded a lot of what we have done in the past 4 years.

I do worry about the conflict in interests which will probably arise at certain ages but I think it should be fine.

I have 10 years between mine and there are pros and cons. Definitely more pros as they both get older. There are so many other factors that define whether a family is happy or not, I wouldn't get caught up it.

5 years between mine and it’s pretty nice so far, but I think 4 years would have been ideal

15yrs between oldest and 2nd, they have more of an uncle nephew type relationship but still have the brother bond too like annoying n winding each other up. Youngest 2 have just under 3yr age gap. Sometimes its great they will play together and lie in a bed and watch a film, other times just constantly refereeing. Middle one is the instigator who will steal toys, push/trip up the wee one, then wee one gets raging and picks up whatever he finds to try hit the other one with. It annoys me though when people say oh typical brotherly love because its not just boys. Me and my sister fought constantly from a young age and i can still only sit in her company in small dozes lol

2.5 years for my two which was exactly what we wanted. 3/4 years seemed too big a gap for me. Couldn't have handled the newborn phase once my eldest was a bit more independent or at school and things were getting easier again. Just wanted to power through! Mine are now 18 months and 4 and it is tough with them both mobile but they are close enough in age that they can play together and have similar interests. I know they'll be really close as they grow up and the oldest doesn't really remember life without her sister which I think is lovely. Each to their own though and do what's right for your family!

I liked this idea but that's the age gap between DH and his brother and as the younger sibling he didn't want us to repeat the experience for our children.

We went with 2 years 4 months (apparently the most common gap I read somewhere recently?!) and have loved it so far to be fair. Their sibling relationship is gorgeous. But can certainly still see the benefits (right up to staggering university costs) or having an extra year

16 month gap here. Now have an 11 month and 2yr4 month old.

I wouldn't really want more than a 2 year gap personally. Tho we're stopping at 2.

3-4 years for sure. There's 3 years and 11 months between DS and DD and it's great.

I had 3 children in 4 and a half years. It was hard work but they are so close and always had shared interests. They remain close as young adults

3-4 years
ideally when older child goes to school or preschool when baby is born.
i have a larger age gap but didn’t plan it this way.
i have friends who have 16m and 18m age gaps and it’s hard work (and double nursery fees!!)