Losing the will to live at bedtime, tell me I'm not alone.

[SleepyTimeBlues]

I hate bedtime. Really really really hate it.

My 5 year old has never been easy at bedtime. We go through peaks and troughs with her behaviour. By day she is really well behaved, sensible and calm. At night she becomes a demon! I feel we have entered the deepest trough right now.

We have a calm relaxing pre bed routine: no screens after dinner, bath time, calm play then stories in bed (around 7 - 7.30pm). She makes it this far really calmly but then the figetting, giggling and cheekiness starts. It's like a switch flips and she goes into manic overdrive is the best I can describe it. This then escalates into shouting and screaming and the two hour battle begins.

If I thought she didn't need the sleep I wouldn't be as concerned but I am really struggling to wake her for school after she's be playing hell at night. Her teacher has commented on how tired she seems.

Things I have tried with no success:

Earlier bedtime
Later bedtime
Various Rewards (stickers, charts, pom pom jar)
Removal of privileges e.g screen time
Letting her play quietly (just delays the battle)
Lying next to her/staying in the room
Supernanny 'back to bed without saying a word'

I just want some down time, time with my DH. We are so worked up and frazzled that it's causing tension between us.

I'll take any advice right now!

No advice but in the same boat. With regular bed wetting as well. I’m broken. You have my sympathy.

Have you read the Ferber book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems?
It really helped me.

@TheShellBeach I haven't, will look into it now. Thanks.

@PandyMoanyMum Hugs. If it helps my DD isn't even dry yet, still in pull ups, I darent tackle that problem without the sleep being sorted first.

DD5 was exactly the same about 5 weeks ago. I was putting her to bed around 7/7:30 with her little sister who is 3. Dd3 would fall asleep straight away and dd5 would be up for 2 more hours. It was awful. Pushed her bedtime back to about 8pm and that helped but then also got her an eye mask which she wears most nights and that has helped so much. I wait for her to fall asleep and then take the eye mask off as I'm worried she'll get tangled in it while she's sleeping. She sometimes falls asleep in minutes but usually 10-15 mins now. Hope your situation improves. Personally, I've found a 4/5 yr old not falling asleep much much harder than newborn/baby sleep issues.

Whilst it sounds counterintuitive when ds2 was struggling at going to sleep DH would have a bit of rough and tumble / play fighting with him just before a big cuddle. It seemed to get rid of his 'sillies'.

With regard to night time wetting- it isn't considered a problem until they are at least 7/8 years.

I would take her for a 20 min walk before bed completely tire her out , bit like a dog !

I agree with PP. Before the calm do some silly playing/rough and tumble. I read there's a period of alertness before the wind down to sleep begins so it can help to play into that.

Will she stay in bed but look at a book with a torch or something? Ds has a night light and a torch and whilst we switch off the main light he will often look at books after we have done story time so it takes away the pressure to go straight to sleep.

Have you tried actually being cross? Cancel an activity /treat tomorrow because you too tired.. Is there any repercussions to her messing around?

Some good ideas here, will give them a try. Thanks guys.

@Freezingcoldinseptember Yes, I cancelled a play date the other weekend and said mummy was too tired to drive to it. She was upset and said sorry but has little effect on her night time behaviour. I also take away TV the next day if she's been particularly bad.

I just don't think she associates the consequences with her night time behaviour.

My DC has a Yoto and we play the same "white noise" every night

Do you lie with her to go to sleep? It’s the only thing that will ever work with any of mine.

Was just going to recommend the yotos they can nod off with white noise or a story .

Yoto player?

I would start with bedroom time. She must stay in her room. Don't force the sleep issue.

Yes audiobooks worked well for my 5 yo to fall asleep to

I don’t know if it’s just me but I don’t bath my kids every night or do a long elaborate wind down for bed (5 and 7 yr olds) We are really strict that at 7:45 it’s straight to bed. I remind them at 7:30 they only have 15 mins left. We take it in turns to take them up kiss and cuddle then we go back downstairs. Any messing around and they go to bed five minutes early the next night. By following through we rarely have any silliness about it now it’s just become a habit. Maybe you just need to reduce the process down and simplify it. Sorry this may be no use at all but just soemthing that has worked for us.

I have considered a yoto, was going to get one for Christmas but I may do it earlier instead.

@boomboom109283 Def worth a go, will try and simplify things.

I agree. We do a bath every other night and it's really noticeable on the "bath" nights that my DD is more wound up and takes longer to go to sleep.
I agree with the rough and tumble suggestion. Quite often kids will jump off the sofa, throw themselves about a bit before bed (I used to jump up and down on the sofa when I was a kid - lots of videos and pictures of me doing it 😂) but it's a natural habit to calm the nervous system before sleep apparently.
Have you tried leaving her with a podcast? Sometimes my eldest will be a bit silly and I'll put a podcast or story of her choosing on and she just lies and listens to it

I say this with complete appreciation of how ghastly it is as I've been there. It will pass. It will be a distant non memory. You will miss them like crazy when they leave home. Not a lot of help now but please if you can see this as just part of the journey and one that WILL pass it may help you breathe