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How to help DD age 5 with school anxiety

2 replies

Nursemumma92 · 27/09/2023 10:52

Apologies, bit of a long one!

My DD1 age 5 has just started year 1. She did reception last year and loved it, walked straight in with no worries. Had the occasional wobble about friends and who to play with, but all very normal things that happen as they get to grips with navigating the social environment.

Now she has started year 1, she gets so upset about going in. The morning routine takes much longer as she doesn't want to get ready, then doesn't want to leave the house, walk to school etc. When we get to school she clings so tight to my legs, screams and cries until the teachers have to drag her off me. No amount of bargaining will help, the teachers try and get her best friend to walk her into the classroom, give her the incentive of doing a job to help the teacher. Nothing works to get her in other than them physically taking her in.

I have asked the school for ideas of how to approach this but they say to try and get someone else to drop her off. This isn't possible as my husband work starts at 8am in a town 45 minutes away. I dont have anyone else to ask to do it. I am currently on maternity leave with my 8 month old but going back to work next month and need to drop her at breakfast club 3 days a week at 7.45 and it be quick so I can get her sister to nursery and to work on time.

I have tried talking to her about what she is feeling to make her not want to go in but she says she doesn't know. She has 2 teachers as they job share- one she had last year too and a new one, but she is absolutely lovely and my DD does say she likes her. They say that about 2 minutes after I've gone she's completely fine and calmed down. Their feedback is that she is really enthusiastic about all learning, loves to be creative and enjoys P.E etc.

The situation is just getting worse and I am at a loss as to what else to do, I don't want her to have to physically prize apart her hands from my leg for the teachers to then take her in by the shoulders. I'm scared this is traumatising her further but I can't keep her off school. She always comes out and says she has a great time, if she didn't and came out upset then I would be more inclined to keep her off to work out what is happening, but I think it is the anxiety of saying goodbye to me. Anyway, well done if you've got to the end- all advice welcomed!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Partyfever · 27/09/2023 11:10

No advice but solidarity as I'm in the exact same situation except my DD is in reception. Physically dragged away from me kicking and screaming every morning this week, then fine when she's inside. I'm at a bit of a loss too!

Singleandproud · 27/09/2023 11:26

When you go in in the morning is the playground busy and noisy? Is there another entrance that could be used where it is quieter. Sometimes the main entrances is a good one to use as then she is in the school building where it is quiet before going to the noise classroom. Sometimes being the first / last one in can help too so you could try breakfast club.

Whilst the weather is still (reasonably) good can you shake up the. Morning routine, you get yourself ready and breakfast and lunch pack ups, wake her up and get her dressed straight away, do her teeth and then walk her to a nearby park for a breakfast picnic (orange juice, pain au chocolate, fruit and yogurt, porridge in a flask) and then from there walk to school. Breaking up the journey might help.

My teen DD is autistic and sometimes struggles with the physically walking through the door so she gets dressed and she has breakfast in the car as hanging round at home doesn't help, and then goes through main reception as the last person.

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