Weaning is all consuming - help!

[Becka14587]

DD is 7 months old and I'm finding weaning increasingly stressful. She's actually quite a 'good' eater. She refuses to be spoonfed but will grab the spoon and eat from it, will pick up finger food and has got the hang of chewing and swallowing although will often keep something in her mouth for a long time and not spit it out if she can't chew it so I end up having to pull it out of her mouth.

This, plus the fact she'll get distressed and seem like she's finished but then suddenly want to eat more means mealtimes take a long time, often sat there for around an hour. I don't know if this is normal or not? I want to give her opportunity to explore the food, play with spoon etc but it takes so long and is making bedtime later and meaning I'm always stressing about getting lunch out the way if we're going to a class etc in the afternoon (I'm doing three meals a day)

Then it's the prep and planning. I'm effectively a single parent (it's complicated) and find all I'm doing is thinking about food. I'm reasonably competent at cooking and have recipes to follow but dd often will start getting upset while I'm cooking which makes it massively stressful. In the kitchen/ diner she has a jumperoo, playmat with toys and her highchair but sometimes she just won't stay quietly in any of them. I don't make things that are overly complicated but even steaming veg takes at least 10 mins which is often is too long for her to tolerate. I do try to do some prep while she naps, but her nap lengths vary from 30 mins to just over an hour so I never know how much time I've got and need to do other things too.

I want her to try a variety of foods and have a good relationship with food so I don't want to just give her the same things every day or use bought purees all the time. She's also got constipated a couple of times so trying to work out what foods are causing that and give her plenty of fruit. She sleeps well at night and I've always put this down to that she drinks plenty of milk during the day so I want make sure she's eating plenty to keep this up while slowly weaning off milk. Just so much to consider, I wish I could relax more and enjoy it but I'm constantly worrying

Then there's making sure I eat, I have a big appetite and am breastfeeding, I'm not one of those people that can just exist on coffee and snacks all day. I try to make something we can both eat but still struggle with the planning and prep. I've always had a good relationship with food but now not enjoying eating at all.

What do people do to make this all less stressful?

What about prep in the evenings after she’s gone down?

I think we forget that every baby is different in when they are ready for things - we remember that for most things, like eg potty training, no one bats an eyelid if one kid potty trains at 3 and another at 20mo.

But for some reason everyone tries to start solids as close to 6mo as possible even if it's not working - I personally regret persevering so hard with solids when dd was 6mo as (in hindsight) she was clearly not ready. Then when she was about 8mo she was much more ready.

Op you could consider just pausing for a month, or switching to solids at just lunchtime for a bit, and it might all get way easier. Then at 8/9mo she might be way more ready - no distress, no having to pull food out of her mouth (it's not normal to have to do that, she'd know how to spit it out once she's truly ready for regular solids)

Mate she's 7 months old. Just give her a little taste of things here and there. I was like this one my 1st, mashing bloody organic avocados and worrying about what she ate. Dc 2 was juts given a bit of banana or a breadstick here and there, he's a far better eater. Put the weaning books away and give yourself a break.

I do this sometimes, but sometimes she doesn't go down till about 9, wakes within an hour and needs resettling etc so I'm often exhausted by this point and can't face it. Was hoping with having solids she'd go down a bit quicker at night (not need to feed as long) but so far this doesn't really seem to be happening.

Thanks, there is so much conflicting info, I hear 'food is for fun until you're one' but then also that they need more than milk now and HV said at last weigh in she should be having 3 meals a day and even snacks on top of that so I guess I feel the pressure.
Overall she does seem to enjoy eating and will chew and swallow toast, pasta etc quite happily, it's where there's something a bit more chewy, like yesterday she had a finger of courgette that had been very well steamed but she couldn't deal with skin. I'm going to avoid giving her things like that again for a while but surely she needs to keep practicing chewing etc.

When you say she can't tolerate waiting ten minutes for food, thus would generally indicate that you're leaving it too late to prep it?

In the nicest way you are really overthinking all of this. Make your own lunch and just share it with her. You don't have to sit there for an hour. You can control when the meal time ends. She might cry when you take it away but she will be fine.

In the kindest way possible, you are massively overthinking this and placing far too much expectation on yourself and your little one. Weaning doesn't have to be stressful - just serve a little of whatever you are eating (subject to salt levels), and let them get on with it. My eldest is 2.5 and she will still often take a good 45 minutes at mealtimes - I just let her get on with it. Always keep to the mantra- it's my job to cook the food, their job to eat it. I just don't allow myself to get stressed over what and how much she eats, or how long she's spending at the table. Some days she'll eat loads, others she just picks - young children are perfectly able to regulate their own appetite. Some days she'll refuse to eat something she's previously loved. Again, I just don't see it as my job to make sure she eats everything, so I leave her to it. So far, this approach has meant there is zero stress at the dinner table and I have a daughter who isn't picky and enjoys her food. But we're still on the weaning journey - it doesn't stop as soon as they can physically eat, they continue to learn and develop. Food is part of messy play to them for a long time. So my advice is to reduce the stress now as you have many more years ahead of this.

Oh, and ignore the HV. They are useless

I don’t really agree with ‘food before one is just for fun’, but I don’t think you need to be so regimented with the three meals a day. We didn’t do snacks until they over one. I initially did all the overcomplicated baby food (vegetable croquettes, salmon fish cakes etc.), it’s frustrating when you spend ages and they don’t even touch it.

In the end I did:
*porridge for breakfast with a banana (we could both eat that), or scrambled eggs and toast.
*frozen vegetables are brilliant! A pack of roasted veg can be defrosted in a pan or microwave in seconds, cut it up a bit smaller with scissors, add chopped tomatoes then have with pasta or rice. This was a staple, and would often make double and use of another lunch or dinner.
*Cheese and fruits (I’d put my cheese in a sandwich, or some chicken).
*Those organic meal pouches, saves so much time and lets you try out things without having to cook a hundred different meals.

I found weaning stressful in the beginning as I only have one child so everything was first for me too. Looking back at it now I wish I had just given my DD whatever I was having. Tbh I found HVs giving me stupid advice on various things so I ignored most of it. Some days my DD only had solids once a day but I just let it go knowing tomorrow would be a new day to try again. When my DD got sick the doctor at the AE told me not to worry about weaning but just give milk and this was for days so it's not like it's the end of the world if you give less solids one or even two days. Just relax and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Try to go with the flow and enjoy the journey as it goes so fast.

I think an hour is quite normal, but, I have coped by having breakfast together - she has yoghurt and I have porridge, she is very interested in my breakfast and ends up eating half of it. I’m perfectly happy with that, as she keenly eats white a lot.

Then lunch is an Ella’s kitchen pouch. She eats that really quickly - from a bowl or squeezed into her mouth for some fun/novelty.

At dinner time, I boil her up some veg, and give her those to gnaw on whilst I’m making our grown up dinner, when it’s done, she’s finishing her veg and so we share our dinner with her. Last night I did her some cauliflower in a quick cheese sauce and she wolfed the lot down. The night before, I did her some mince beef and mixed it with an Ella’s veg pouch and some of our pasta, so she had her own spag bol.

She’s quite happy in her little chair, exploring her diff veg and then eating with us, she stays in there for about an hour in total. It’s a relaxed time as I don’t have to have her on my hip etc.

Either give the baby a mulched down version of what you’re having for dinner, or give her a pouch if you’re having pizza or whatever. Those pouches are as minimally nutritious as they can get away with but they’re a great way of getting an easy variety of tastes into babies diet. No way in reality I can prep as many different meals as Ella and her kitchen.

Cap meal times at half an hour. For your own sanity.

Don’t do snacks at this age.

Breakfast can be a handful of cheerios and a banana while you eat yours.

If she’s happy spoon feeding herself then there’s nothing wrong with giving her a bowl and a spoon and letting her crack on with it. That way you can eat. Or put her highchair in the kitchen and cook your dinner while she eats.

I always gave a shortish breastfeed before feeding a young baby solids.

Health Visitors are foolish and usually have no idea about the realities of living with a baby, so pay no attention to her.

A couple of pouches now and then will do your baby no harm at all, and will save your sanity.

Don't worry about her learning to chew. They all manage it eventually.

This is your first baby so you want to get everything right. Honestly, once you've had another baby you'll realise how easy it was to overthink things with the first.

Batch prep and freeze.

As you mentioned food is not the main source of nutrition etc at this age and at 7 months jumping into 3 meals + snacks seems a high expectation of the HV (though it's 8 years since I did weaning).

But they still only have small tummies and don't need much at a meal. So when I say batch prep and freeze, I'm literally talking freezing ice cube size portions. That way you get a cube or 2 out at a time, it defrosts / reheats quickly and they're not waiting long too.

Are you bfing before offering food?
That's how I remember doing it. That way they're not 'starving' and "can't wait" while you prepare the food (frozen or fresh).

Also, the foods can be really simple. They don't need a whole bolognese portion for example, they're still getting used to textures and flavours. I did individual foods to watch for any allergies when starting too. So it would be just brocoli, just sweet potato, etc before starting to mix foods.

I hope that's helpful rather than preachy!

Sorry but you're massively overthinking. Just give baby what you're having. Let them play with it / try it. Don't worry about how much they eat. Don't buy anything branded 'baby', it's all ultra processed rubbish.

Every time you sit down to eat put a bit of food on her high chair tray, either stuff off your plate or simple foods you have pre-prepped or just have available.

Let her eat as much as she wants of it and play with it, but don't stress out and don't make it an issue.

Simple foods that we used when weaning.

• bread fingers/soldiers with butter or cream cheese
• chunks of banana or apple slices
• cucumber or yellow pepper slices
• steamed (in a loosely covered jug with a bit of water for 3 mins in the microwave) carrot, broccoli, cauliflower
• scrambled egg/omelette
• cooked pasta either plain or with a light tomato sauce or cream cheese
• corn on the cob went down really well once she had a couple of teeth
• porridge bars - www.healthylittlefoodies.com/porridge-fingers/
• egg muffins - babyfoode.com/blog/toddler-breakfast-egg-cups-4-tasty-ways/
• banana pancakes - babyfoode.com/blog/banana-pancakes-for-baby/

You can get refillable squeeze pouches which are good for things like yoghurt, I'd get Greek full fat yoghurt, add a little maple syrup or squished raspberries then put a couple of spoons worth into a pouch and let her suck on it.

Kindly, you're overthinking it. If meals are taking ages, stop them at a time that you think is reasonable. She's at an age where they get most of their nutrition from milk. If she's grumpy waiting for her food, give her a breadstick to munch on. If it's stressful cooking specially for her, just give her a bit of what you're having.

In my experience how much they eat has no bearing on how much they sleep. DS1 was a shit sleeper but an absolute dustbin. DS2 (7 month) likes tasting things but barely actually eats any, and sleeps relatively well.

You're doing your best, she'll get there.

Thanks everyone, this is all helpful. I am a big stresser/overthinker and it's reassuring to hear how others have kept it simple.

I do breastfeed 30 min to 1hr before so don't think it's necessarily she's too hungry. She'll play happily rolling around the living room but once we get into the kitchen she seems to get more agitated.

I am a bit obsessive about routine and how much she's eating as I desperately want her to keep sleeping through the night ( struggled massively with the sleep deprivation in the early months) wed got into a good routine when I was just breastfeeding and I want to continue that but will try to relax a little

Agreed. If you listened to them the kids would be eating all day long.
Seven months is still a baby. Just give her bits and bobs and give her a bit more time. She'll be fine.

On the basis of your last post, how about a little evening meal to help fill her before bed? Relax about lunch, so you don't have problems getting to your afternoon things. You'll be ok, babies have been weaned umpteen different ways for millennia, and are generally fine. I'm of the rusk and baby rice generation (some mothers added baby rice to bottles at 12 weeks) My kids had puree from 4-7 months then on to slightly lumpy food still off a spoon and finger foods at a year ish. My granddaughter did baby led weaning from 6 months. We are all fine, none of us overweight and even I have all my own teeth 😁

I was also keen to get a routine going, but it isn't realistic to do so, as babies keep changing all the time as they get older, so try to relax about that if you can.

If your baby has a good sleep pattern, it won't be changed or disturbed by what (or when) he eats.

You're doing fine! In a year's time you'll wonder why you were so anxious about this. I truly don't mean that to sound patronising.

I really would try and work on your anxiety and need for control as neither go well when you're trying to parent. You admit that you're particularly desperate to keep her current sleeping pattern, but sleep isn't linear and can change for a myriad of reasons, so it honestly is best just to consider everything a phase, the good as well as the bad. You will drive yourself crazy trying to micromanage and control everything. Plus, it takes most of the fun out of parenting

Just give her what you're having? Assuming you eat something a bit different each meal and most days?! That's all I did with mine! Surely that's what you want, your kid eating what the family eat. I never understood all that Annabelle Karmel shite.

there really wasn’t much to “understand”

she did simple healthy recipes appropriate to the different ages (weaning to child) for those of us that had children after eating out lots (lived in London!) and enjoying lots of high spice food. Or those of us that just wanted a routine and a bit of guidance.

it was brilliant. Both mine, teens, now eat anything and everything (aside from avocado. Never ever “won” that with them!)

We can’t all be as judgey and dismissive and critical thank goodness brilliant as you @platypuspart ! 😂

I remember telling the HV it was taking my weaning baby 45-60 minutes to eat at every meal. It was driving me crazy. He was still eating, not playing, he was just slow! But it doesn’t last forever. He’s 2 now and only eats slowly when he wants to drag out the evening routine (and going to bed).

I really would pull food from her mouth unless it’s dangerous, it sends the wrong message that some food shouldn’t be eaten and that may be confusing. Now you’ve identified the courgette skin maybe don’t give it again.

As for prep, do a lot at once. So do two days worth of steamed veg. Or more and freeze. Frozen veg is really useful for weaning. I’d also try to give what you eat if possible, we had a breakthrough with DS he much preferred strong flavours to say plain pasta.

You are about to hit an 8 month sleep regression. So sleep may all change anyway. Your anxiety about food and sleep will rub off.

I have a 3mo and I’m really excited about weaning this time around!