Help I need to stop breastfeeding

[Tiredandstressedmum]

I've been EBF baby for 7 months
I'd hoped once we were weaning she'd take a bottle
Baby feeds to sleep and is currently waking up 8 times at night at least, every 30 mins for the first few hours. She'll only contact nap with the boob in her mouth
No one can put baby to sleep but me so I haven't had a night to myself and I'm going crazy
I feel trapped
I've become an angry mum and will now shout at my poor baby when she wakes up during the night as I'm exhausted.
What's the best way to go about this, she wont take a bottle or cup despite lots of attempts or a dummy
It's gotten to the point I'm thinking of booking a hotel room somewhere and making her go cold turkey with my husband so she'll have to take a bottle? Is this a terrible idea?

You don’t need to stop breastfeeding if you enjoy it, you just need to break the association with sleep. I’d be tempted not to introduce a dummy now. I think you would be better just doing some form of sleep training - there are many methods available depending on how gentle you want to be vs how quickly you want results.

I wouldn't give up breastfeeding altogether but I'd do gentle sleep training so that she learns to settle without a feed. I definitely wouldn't replace the night breastfeeds with nighttime bottle or she'll keep waking regularly for that. I never fed my DD during the night after the first 4 months. The trouble is that in the middle of the night when you're shattered it's easier to just let them have the boob if you know that's the quickest way for you to get back to sleep, so you have to go through a hard process for both of you of consistently not allowing her to feed when she wakes. Are you co-sleeping? It might be easier if there's the physical distance of her being in a cot.

Not co sleeping, I wouldn't be able to sleep with her in the bed. She sleeps in the next to me but moving to her own room in the next few days so want to make a change now. Will look into the sleep training but no idea if she'll go for it, shes very determined so think it's going to be a disaster

I have been exactly where you are and I know how hard it is. It is awful. You need a break, and 7 months bf is excellent. It is ok to stop.

Cold turkey is a legit option, It may be unpleasant for a while but fundamentally they will live, and will be cared for by their other parent.

Things you could try instead are slipping a dummy in when baby is nodding off on the boob. Try different dummies if one doesn’t work.

Have you tried ALL the different bottles? I did, and found the MAM ones worked best. Baby eventually did switch to the MAM bottles but FML it was hard and expensive.

Can you express? Maybe you could switch to expressed milk in a bottle, then gradually mix half and half formula and then eventually just formula.

You’ll find something that works for you, what ever you decide is ok.

I found it much better when they over to their own room tbh. Then eventually did controlled crying. It worked, it was either that or commit myself to a mental asylum frankly

if you can try to get more food / milk into her in the daytime plus increase any activities to wear her out physically. Good daytime naps too.
co sleeping would be a solution but if you don’t feel able to that’s fine. Sleep training may have the opposite effect though as depending on the method it can be very stressful for babies

We also did bedtime porridge made with whole milk and mashed banana which seemed to help a little too

Thanks for all the replies, nice to feel I'm not alone. My friend's with babies are all bottle fed so no one to really talk to about the stress and sadness I feel about it all. We've tried Mam along with a lot of other bottles but wil keep trying. I'm looking at the little one sleep training at the moment

One thing you can do right away: she doesn't sleep with the boob in her mouth. Let her feed, as she nods off break the seal with your finger and remove nipple. She tries to find it again, fine let her have it - but break the seal again before she's asleep. Keep doing it. Eventually she'll go to sleep without a nipple in her mouth.

Your 'it's going to be a disaster' line sounds defeatist (understandably enough) - if you're going to sleep train, you need to research a plan and commit to sticking with it for at least three nights, probably a week. And it's likely to be your partner to be the one doing most of it as he doesn't have boobs. So you both need to be on the same page and agree it's the right thing to do. Then have a plan and absolutely stick to it, not go into it with a 'it probably won't work' mentality.

I did gradual retreat sleep training with DC at 13mo and 9mo for DC2, not easy but made life so much better. Worked within about three days. We nicked a plan off a friend who used a pro sleep trainer that gave precise instructions and also advised on snacks and naps.

DC were a bit older when I stopped BF (sounds like your problem might be more nights than BF at all?) but then I went down to only after meals, then dropping those feeds one by one. But you need to be sure DC is getting enough nutrition from other sources.

And see what happens if you feed her then hand her over to DH to rock or soothe otherwise. A tired baby will go to sleep eventually. Then it's easier the next time.

It's easy to think you're totally stuck when you're so tired, but there are things you can do.

My post is probably not going to be very useful other that to say I feel for you, I went through exactly the same. It's bloody hard. All I can offer is a list of things that didn't work for us 🙈

• Bottles, tried every one under the sun, MAM was most accepted but she never did actually take one. In all honesty all it did was upset her more, I wouldn't bother (same with dummy) and even more so with expressed milk.
• I actually found being away from her made her worse, like she missed me so wanted boob even more when she saw me.
• No amount of feeding, extra meals or drinking from a cup made any difference, it seemed to be much more to do with the comfort of feeding rather than the actual milk/hunger.

If I did it again I think I would put her in her own cot and sleep train.

I agree with others. You don't need for stop breastfeeding. However you do need to sleep train.

I did it when my eldest was 8 months. That was great for a while but I had to repeat when she was 18 months. Both times it only took one night.

Please don't sleep train. It's awful for babies. You've got this far, yes it's hard but sleep is developmental. Sleep training will just mean you're getting sleep, whilst baby is still waking but laying there quietly, scared and alone.

My baby woke 6/7 times a night until just after her first birthday, when she one night learnt to sleep! Wanted no more milk night or day and went immediately to waking 1ce or very occasionally twice.

It's super tough, but your baby won't keep waking to comfort feed for that much longer.

Ignore this. Nothing wrong in sleep training.

I was you last year. For us the answer was sleep training to break the feed-to-sleep association. It was gruelling but so, so worth it. I started at 6 months; he's now 2 and zero sleep issues. I breastfed a full year.

First I got him to self settle during the day, for naps.

After a while I stopped feeding him during the night. I actually didn't use the same method as daytime; I still responded to him waking at night and went in to him, but feeding was the last thing I tried to get him to go down again.

A while after night weaning, all our sleep issues vanished. Don't get me wrong, he still woke occasionally - but it was usual toddler reasons rather than expecting milk. He was getting good sleep, and I was a better mum.

I feel you!!!
Have bfed twice now, 1st till 18m and currently in the same situation as you with my now 11m old.
Difference is my current baby is very determined like yours and also won't take a dummy but will take a bottle. Although he's got allergies and hates allergy milk so will only drink about 2 oz and then is still hungry.

So... Practical advice based on what I've done before.
Sleep and feeding are linked but 2 separate issues really so trying to change both at once will be hard.
With my first... I put him in his own room, and sent hubby in every other wake up with a bottle of water. To stretch out the night feeds. Eventually they got less and less. He did cry, and my current rages when my husband goes in but I wouldn't go in as it wasn't fair on either of them me interrupting and it defeated the issue.
Once I got night feeds reduced, I focused on sleep...
So try and put them in their cot awake, after a feed and shush and pat their bum/rub their back until they fall asleep. If they stand up give them a cuddle lay them back down and carry on. I listened to an audio book while I was doing this to take the urgency out and also help switch off from grizzling. I must say once they get older its much easier to tell between need and temper. And if I could tell they were crying from temper it was easier to carry on, obviously if I ever thought they were hungry or in pain it would be a no go.
Once they get used to going into the cot awake and sleep without you rocking/boobing you tend to find the sleep stretches out, and because you've already stopped feeding at night it's easier.
Try not to create new habits of rocking etc though otherwise you'll still have to do that.
Setting new boundaries to help your mental health is allowed. I literally feel like I'm suffering from dementia with the amount of brain fog I have from lack of sleep... We cosleep and he was still up every hr last night chewing my boob because he's teething. And I go back to work tomorrow. It's hard!!
I find the transition a bit easier closer to 1 too because you generally find they eat more anyway so milk isn't SO important.
I'm expecting our situation to get worse before it gets better though because he'll want to nigth feed after I've been in work all day 😔
Also with my 1st at 18m I stopped be feeding and didn't bother with bottles just gave lots of dairy in the day.
Good luck.
I also vote for mam bottles too xx

Thanks for the replies, we sleep trained our first but it was much easier as he took a bottle and dummy, we used the dummy to settle him and did the comforting every 3 minutes to 6 minutes to 9 minutes (never got to 9)
We've got the little ones sleep guide so are both going to follow it for a week starting this weekend to see if it makes any difference and try her on as many bottles as possible. Going to try taking the nipple out of her mouth when shes drowsy tonight also.
I know what PP said about the sleep deprivation feeling like dementia, I feel so exhausted and confused and unmotivated most of the time it's awful. I miss being able to go out for a glass of wine with friends (doesn't help all my friends with babies can do this and regularly post meet up photos on Instagram which I can't attend)