Should I repair toys, books etc deliberately damaged during tantrum?

[PrettyHannukahndles]

Or do they just have to live with it?

I think it depends. Was it a bit of a one off caused by frustration and they regret and are very sad? If so, then I probably would. If not, then I think living with the consequences of your actions is a much more effective 'punishment' than punishment itself is.

An added complication is that most of ds's and dd's toys are shared, in a way it would be easier if ds had damaged only 'his' things, rather than shared ones.

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i would get him to help you repair them then take them away and give them back one at a time when he does nice things

Ds1 went through a phase at about 2/2.5 years old of ripping his books. Being a huge reader this REALLY used to upset me and I'm sure he knew that. I would patiently glue/sellotape bits back together and then the next night they would get destroyed again.

Then one day I snapped and threw every single damaged book in the recycling. Next night one book had a small rip in it (perfectly repairable, but still testing the waters I think), I didn't say anything but calmly threw that away too. It nearly KILLED me to do it - I hate throwing books away. I didn't replace them either - he now no longer has those books.

Haven't had another ripped book since though.