Another child is lying about my son

[MarshmallowFrump]

Hello,

I've written on here before about my 6yo who was being bullied by his best friend, mainly name calling and trying to persuade my son's other friends not to play with him, and got some good advice.

The name calling has continued but my son has ignored it and focused on his friendships with his other friends. However, this boy's dad has messaged me several times since the start of term saying his son has said another boy (who is one of my son's closest friends) is trying to persuade my son to be mean to him, that my son has pushed him etc. None of this is true. My son is not boisterous at all, he is very gentle and doesn't like physical games, he will watch but doesn't join in. I appreciate there are two sides to every story, no one here knows me or my son, I could by lying, be blissfully ignorant of my son's faults etc but that really isn't the case here.

I think my main concern is that this boy is telling lies about my son and trying to get him into trouble. His Dad is very difficult to deal with and I'm worried he is going to speak to my son's school and make out my son is being spiteful to his son which really isn't the case, it's the other way round. My son also looks older than his age which I worry will make the school think it's more likely he's in the wrong rather than this other boy. How do I deal with this? I want to make the school aware of the situation but I don't know how to word it.

Argh, I'm so heartbroken for my lovely little boy, last year was so tough for him but he handled it really well and, bar this particular boy, he has a lovely group of friends.

Has anyone else been through a similar situation with their child?

Redirect the dad to the school. Everytime. They will know whether someone was pushed or not. They will know who plays rough and who doesn't etc. Let them deal with it.

TBH it sounds like all the parents could do with getting on with their own stuff and leaving the kids to sort it out between themselves.

None of this is true. My son is not boisterous at all, he is very gentle and doesn't like physical games, he will watch but doesn't join in. I appreciate there are two sides to every story, no one here knows me or my son, I could by lying, be blissfully ignorant of my son's faults etc but that really isn't the case here.

Yeah and the dad would say that about his own son I bet.

Children do behave differently when parents aren't watching.

Block the dad and tell him you're doing it.

Why are simple childhood disputes now dealt with by parents and schools?

It could be that from your sons new found position of a friendship group this other child is feeling threatened, ask your child to be nice to them?

And tell the other father you are addressing it, you were in this position last year and it was not nice for your son.

all these issues and interactions should be going through the school teacher and not parent to parent. The teacher will likely have a balanced take on the boys interactions and be able to have good overview and find a constructive solution.

Blanket response everytime “I always tell dd to be nice to everyone. Any issues please take up with the school” end of. Do not feed into this. The school spend so much time with the kids they know exactly who is who.

Sorry ds…not dd

No one thinks their child is mean or unkind to others. I am a teacher and I can tell you that every parent thinks their own child is not at fault. Your child may be completely innocent though it is more likely that they are all a bit at fault and some more than others. I would talk to my child about being kind. I would keep an open mind and let the school deal with what happens there. I would also tell my child that everyone makes mistakes and that if he does make a mistake and do something unkind, he should be honest and own his mistakes. I wouldn't engage with the dad beyond maybe an acknowledgement of the message and a suggestion that he speaks to the school if he has concerns.

Go to school. I assume they know the history? Tell them the dad is contacting you to tell you what his son is saying and ask the teacher if they have any observations about the dynamic between these boys and if what the dad is saying could be true. (Unlikely but it does show you are transparent in trying to understand what is happening)

I suspect the child is jealous your ds has made new friends and is attempting to manipulate his dad and use him to proxy bully your ds.

I would suggest that you ask school to keep the boys apart whever possible and if the dad continues to contact you to report these issues refer him to the school every time.

I would never try and sort out playground problems with another parent over the phone. It always ends badly.
just let his dad know that you have asked the school to keep an eye on the situation.