Feeling like the worst mum ever

[Autumnlau]

Had to tell my 22mo DS a bit today. He really want testing the boundaries

hitting, throwing things at us and being quite destructive when we got home from our afternoon out

Even in the supermarket, I gave him his dummy as he seen it in my pocket and screamed bloody murder, then he’d throw it and laugh but when I picked it up done the same thing
so I firmly said “no more, it’s going away now” and again screamed bloody murder I was getting so flushed

but now he’s in bed I feel awful I don’t want to be a push over as now is the time his behaviour and our response will shape him. If I am a push over and let him he becomes nightmare child, who will never listen!

mbut I still feel guilty for telling him off :( and feel like a shit mum
I’m pregnant due with his sister early next year so I’m so tired and starting to feel a bit uncomfortable belly and shape wise (body aching too etc) so also probably hormonal

You were being a good mother not a bad one!

Oh god I feel for you, my dd screamed so much once (in public) that she was sick. She’s great now…. Really this is just a stage and it will pass…

He won't remember the shouting now and I think there's a place to lose one's rag very occasionally. I think if it's rare kids do remember when they went too far (albeit he's too young this time), it's if it's all the time that it's a problem. Please don't feel bad.

Sounds entirely normal (the behaviour/your reaction/the feeling of guilt). Fun times!

Oh that sounds so stressful for you! My 17 month old had a tantrum in a shop today and I had to pick him up and he was screaming and hitting my face, it was awful. And always feels much worse when you're public and feel like people are watching!

Don't feel guilty for telling him off, it's hard not to react in those pressured situations. What I try to do is accept that it is completely normal behaviour for toddlers (as annoying as it is!). The way I would respond to the dummy situation for example is to say 'you're throwing your dummy on the floor now so it's going away' and then follow through with that boundary despite the fact it might make them cry more - that's still better than giving the dummy back to them. Then I would say something like 'I know you're upset, what can we do instead.. can you help me find the apples?' Or some other form of distraction. Doesn't always work immediately but it will do with time and you've held your boundary and your son will learn over time what behaviour is ok and what's not.

You sound like a good mum to me.

Toddlers test boundaries and they absolutely need to have boundaries held firm and to be told off when they push it too far.

Apart from making them into nice people - it’s actually what they want - they want to know where the limits are. It would be frightening for them if you didn’t enforce them.

Good mother

Feels awful

Sounds like he's developing well, pushing boundaries

Also everyone finds public toddler tantrums hard, but remember anyone who knows anything about kids knows it isn’t you, it’s a development stage.