How to work naps with a 2 year old and a newborn

[kellyloo]

I just found out im pregnant with my second and my DS will be 2 when they arrive, he's currently rocked to sleep for naps/bed time, im just wondering how on earth im going to continue rocking him to sleep when i also have a newborn?

I have a 2.5 year old DD and a 12 week old DS, and the simplest answer is you won't be able to use your current method when baby is here. A lot will have to change when baby is here. My best advice would be to change it now, before baby comes. The way I put my DD down for her nap is completely different now her brother is with us, and she's adapted very well. So start changing things now - if you've only just found out you're pregnant, then you have a lot of time to figure out a new way that works for you both. To be honest, the chances are your DS won't want rocking to sleep at 2 years old anyway (and could you really sustain this even without being pregnant?)

Your child must be at least 15 months, in which case rocking to sleep needs to end anyway. They get too big and heavy for that and also need to learn to drop off by themselves.

Start now weaning off the rocking.

Stop rocking to sleep. Sleep train him from now. This does not mean cry it out.

I've just had a newborn and have a 2 year old! I agree with the other pps..sleep training (can be less harsh; extinction method, as gentle as you like) is pretty key.

Unless you can get your partner to basically sort your toddler every night and you focus on baby. The only issue with this is it creates a bit of a divide and your toddler will miss you putting him down.

Get on top of the sleep training now, you've loads of time before baby arrives!

Congratulations by the way! 👶🏼

Chuck the 2 year old in the cot and they’ll self soothe. You won’t be able to carry on rocking him to sleep.

I say this as someone who’s toddlers have an 11 month age gap. I rocked my first to sleep until she was 8 weeks old and my second until he was 15 weeks. After that, they both went in their own cots and sorted themselves out.

If you’re newly pregnant then you have a bit of time to try and get DS into the new routine of him putting himself to sleep. Otherwise, you’ll really have difficulty trying to rock two children to sleep when it’s needed!

I'm in the exact same position, my son will be 2 when the baby arrives and he is cuddled to sleep for naps and bedtime. We were thinking to split bedtime between me and my husband but I'm on my own for naps... also not sure what I'm going to do, but I don't believe in sleep training so won't go down that route.

You don’t believe in sleep training? I hope you know that sleep training doesn’t equal the CIO method. You only need to google it to see that there’s 100 different methods of sleep training. You’ll probably use on of the methods without even realising

"don't believe in sleep training"

It's not a religion. It's choosing one of hundreds of methods to help your child sleep well.

Do you "not believe in potty training" or "not believer in speech training?"

In all likelihood they won’t need to be rocked to sleep when they’re 2 anyway, I’d also be surprised if you’re still able to when you’re heavily pregnant anyway.

I do think that there’s a middle ground between rocking and putting them in the cot to self soothe.

At 2 they’ll only be on 1 nap a day if they aren’t already which would help.

If it was me I’d start making the transition to patting or stoking. Start by slowly stopping the rocking and turn that into holding with patting and slowly turn that into patting in the cot.

I’m due my second in November and DS was 2 in June so our gap is slightly larger. We moved him to a bed in August because I was finding it hard to lift him out of the cot. It’s also much easier to smooth him sitting next to the bed than it was leaving over the cot or putting my hand through the bars.

Don’t forget aswell that DCs understanding will change so much too over the next few months. You will be able to explain things verbally and sort of ish reason and smooth them with words far more than they are currently capable of.

How old are they now? Forget the new baby, you’re not going to manage being 6 months pregnant and rocking a 22MO (or whatever your age gap is). Get on top of the sleep training now would be my advice. Doesn’t have to be CIO of course, do some research and find a method that you’d be happy with. Maybe something like gradual retreat/disappearing chair would be a good place to start?

@PinkMoscatoLover @Hercisback

It's a personal preference and it's not something I'll do for us. Babies don't need sleep training. We don't train them to crawl or walk. They sleep how is biologically normal for their age, it's just that that doesn't match up with the modern world and our way of life so it's inconvenient hence why people turn to sleep training. I am very well aware there are more methods than CIO, but even the 'gentle' methods aren't really as gentle as you think. Any form of sleep training is essentially in some way not responding to your babies needs (and their needs include comfort and cuddles).

If you're happy with sleep training which it sounds like you both are go for it. I'm allowed to state a personal preference.

Get a double bed for your 2 year old. That was the only way I found. You can then lie next to him for comfort and have the baby with you too.

We don't train them to crawl or walk.
Tummy time? Jumperoos that get them standing before they’re physically able? All those baby walker toys you can buy that they push along when they can’t yet walk independently? Totally fair enough if sleep training isn’t for you but I don’t think it’s strictly speaking true to say we don’t train them to crawl or walk, although encourage might be a better word!

Are you planning on getting a double buggy? I did, only because DC1 still napped a good two hours in the afternoon and I wanted to be able to be out and about and out both of them down. We ended up being out for the day most of the time so they mostly both slept.in the buggy. Once they were out I could pull up at a cafe and got quite a few quiet coffees that way.

@gentlemum i feel the same! I was kinda hoping for some reassurance and it'll all figure itself out comments haha! Im thinking a floor bed may help, or to work adding patting shushing to rocking and gradually moving down to holding patting, crib patting, but always there for cuddles if needed! I feel it is extra important to provide our first with love and comfort when a lot will be changing for them. A sling and baby chair may also be our best friend

Any form of sleep training is essentially in some way not responding to your babies needs (and their needs include comfort and cuddles)

There quite literally is a sleep training method exactly like that. You can stay by their side, cuddle and comfort them but you don’t actually help them get to sleep. They eventually learn it themselves.

You will use a sleep training method at sometime during your child’s life. Every parent does whether they realise or not. Unless you plan to rock your child to sleep until they’re in primary school!

It defo won’t just figure itself out. It’ll be a challenge to rock your DC to sleep once you become heavily pregnant let alone when there’s a newborn who’ll need you more!

Do some research and decide what works for you. Good luck🤞

Mine stopped napping at 2, 1 month before the 2nd arrived. Bloody nightmare. Nothing we could do to convince her. 4 months lager we just live with it.

DS1 requires someone to lie with him to go to sleep at night. It’s been a nightmare - means both DH and I have to be around at bedtime every night so DS2 (10 weeks) isn’t abandoned. I so so wish we had addressed this before the baby was born. Can’t do it now as DS1 has struggled massively with the change and is totally discombobulated. I think if we took this away at bedtime now it’d tip him over the edge. Will be tackling it as soon as DS2 is older and everything is a bit more settled.

Any form of sleep training is essentially in some way not responding to your babies needs (and their needs include comfort and cuddles)

We'll have to agree to disagree because my child definitely became much happier when they could sleep. The need was sleep, over tiredness was making them upset.

We do train to walk, we hold hands, we do tummy time, we let them bounce up and down on us, we strengthen their core.

I agree with everyone else, do some gentle sleep training now, save everyone stress and upset down the line.

And you will train your child. To sleep. To eat. To walk. To talk. To behave in a way that will allow them to fit in with society. To use the toilet. To read. We all do. That's parenting. Helping your child to get good quality sleep is no different.

Any form of sleep training is essentially in some way not responding to your babies needs (and their needs include comfort and cuddles)

What about when they start nursery or school? Would you only leave them if they are not crying... genuinely curious.

When I did sleep training I didn't actually leave them in their room crying. I always came in to console them waited until they were comforted and only left the room once they were OK. Then I came in to console them for a longer time each time. It is not the same as crying it out.

@kellyloo totally agree with you! I do believe it'll all work out. Despite what everyone says children do get there on their own. My son is still cuddled to sleep most of the time but there are some days where he doesn't seem comfortable, I think because he's getting bigger, so he rolls off and goes to sleep lying down on our bed with me cuddling or holding his hand. But most nights he still wants cuddles so we do that. I think a floor bed sounds like a good way forward for you.
Don't feel the pressure to sleep train if you feel it's not for you. Despite what everyone says that is not the only option. When he's bigger he won't want to cuddled or rocked to sleep anymore. People seem to think unless they sleep train they'll be rocking their 17 year old son to sleep in their arms... obviously not!

@FluffyCloudsofShit starting nursery or school and a child crying is not the same situation as sleep training.. they are not alone for one, there will be staff there trying to comfort them. With school at least they're older and you can talk to them about it.

That's great it worked out for you and you were happy with your approach. I'm not trying to argue with anyone who chooses to sleep train, I've just said it's not for me and there shouldn't be the pressure that parents feel it is the only way forward.

They don't have to be alone to sleep train....