Refuse to not do due diligence as a parent

[anareen]

I am afraid I have encountered that situation we all hope we never have to as a parent......bullying. Ages are 1st grade range so a bit tricky. I am needing advice on constructive ways to approach another parent. I am not wanting to address the specifics in behavior. I am not even looking for this to be an open exchange or to come to some type of "understanding"/"compromise"/"solution". I just want to make it known that I do not want the other parents child knocking on my door asking for my child to play.

This other child isn't well supervised at all. It seems they are kicked outside and left to their own devices until who knows when so I don't even know what unit they live in nor do I have a phone number. I have often wondered the dynamic this child is in to cause the behavior displayed as the only parent I have seen on a couple occasions is I would say in their late 40's at the very least. This child cusses/ flips children off, seems to have no knowledge of boundaries, no manners, etc. When behavior is witness that normally would need addressing, child just runs off when confronted. Obviously there is lack of involvement/guidance unfortunately. I understand it's not the child's fault. However, I am responsible for doing right by my child and interactions with this other child leave my child feeling in an overall negative state which is unacceptable. When in the presence of other children this child deliberately does things they know will hurt my child. Excluding seems to be a favored tactic. When it is just the two of them behavior seems relatively "okay" but that should never be settled for and overall this is not my ideal model of a "friendship" we want to maintain.

Do they go to the same school? Are they in the same class? (Onlyfans because if they were you could get support from their teacher)

Just say to the other parent - "Sorry but I think our children need a break from each other because my child is getting overwhelmed" or something.

I mean, I'd be tempted to say "your child is too badly behaved" but I recognize that's rather confrontational.

They went to the same school and were in the same class last year. They both say they are in the same class this year as well.

I am going to be sending an email to the teacher addressing concerns besides this. I am going to ask her to keep an eye out for any questionable interactions with my child because every single day she has been telling me she doesn't want to go to school. The school year just started! I am going to include more in my email for context of course. My child tells me what different things kids do or say (she never mentions the child my post is about though which puzzles me) I try to reassure her that it isn't about her. I tell her that maybe someone is unkind to them at home and that's why they behave that way unfortunately. At this point I have legit concerns. I am keeping my child home today as she requested because I can't sit anymore and hope for this to blow over.

If you don't know an address or phone number, how are you going to contact the parent?

I think the best you can say to the child is DC won't be allowed out to play again, so please don't knock on the door.

How old is first grade?? I'm guessing 5, but I guess it could be first year seniors, so tween/young teen??

I was hoping for suggestions on that. I thought of maybe writing a note and asking their child to take it to them, possibly asking child if I could meet their parent.

Yes,5/6 years old.

This is a UK site, with mainly British posters, so do aim off a bit (as your terminology suggests you are abroad, and the cultural norms will therefore not be the same)

I'd talk to the school first - find out what's happening there

Every time the child shows up say no, , they can't play today.

Don't bother speaking or leaving a note for the parent. A parent who so quite happy to leave their child unsupervised for those periods of time really won't care what you have to say. It's not worth the grief!

How does this child get to/from school?

Could you speak to the parent in the playground at pick up?

Could you ask the child which front door is theirs if they live in the same block?

Get a ring doorbell or just look out if the window and if you see this child outside your door don't answer the door - then at least your DD home space will be away from this child

This is a very valid point! Thank you for this perspective, I appreciate it!

That thought crossed my mind as well. It's unfortunate but this may be a more effective solution.

Yes, contact school.fpr school issues. If child turns up, just say no.