Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

My daughters daddy has died suddenly

14 replies

sweetpea2023 · 21/09/2023 20:22

Hi there,
I was just wondering if anyone on here has experienced anything similar to what I'm going through at the moment, as I currently feel completely lost 😞
Earlier this week, my daughters daddy died very suddenly following a severe asthma attack (my daughter is 8) 💔
Receiving that phone call & going to visit him whilst he was in a coma & on a life support machine was the hardest, most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to do 😓
Although me & daddy weren't together and haven't been for several years, he's had the most wonderful relationship/bond with our daughter & he's my absolute best friend, we got on so well, we never had a wrong word & truth be told, he is & always will be the love of my life... he was my first love & that love never went away, we both knew that 😓❤️
So not only am I trying to navigate so suddenly loosing my daughters daddy, who she loves so much, I'm also trying to navigate loosing my best friend & my soulmate... I'm absolutely distraught & just don't know how to cope with all of this 😓
Also, just to add, he had a family of his own with a partner & two other children, who I get on with really well, and I have moved on too with my partner & I'm currently 7 months pregnant with my second baby 💕
I just feel like I'm crumbling inside as the pain & grief is so overwhelming, I can't stop crying, I just can't bear the thought of never seeing him again, it's completely breaking me & I'm trying so hard to stay calm for the sake of my little daughter, and also for my unborn baby 🙏
Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I feel so lost & so consumed with sadness 💔😣

OP posts:
ADVICENEEDED987 · 21/09/2023 20:28

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine what you and your daughter are going through. The only advice I have is to be kind to yourself, allow yourself time to grieve and don't be afraid to ask others for help and support if you need it.

Pottomous2 · 21/09/2023 20:30

So sorry to hear of this OP. Sending you love and prayers 🌹

Pegasus41 · 21/09/2023 20:43

I am so so sorry. A tremendous shock and loss for you both. My children’s Dad died in January, my kids were age 5 & 8 when he died. He and I were separated but had been married 14 years. I understand what you say about your love.

Allow yourself and your daughter your grief. It is ok to cry or be sad in front of her, and to name why. It helps show her her feelings about it can be expressed too. Child Bereavement UK is a good organisation about children’s grief, their website is helpful. I found their short video explaining a funeral to kids really helpful before my kids’ Dad’s funeral.

I was advised by a local child bereavement charity that what is most important to children who are grieving is having an emotionally available parent/carer. Your daughter has that in you. It is a trauma and you may notice she has a bit of an emotional regression, with much younger behaviours for a while. Both mine have, and my 8 year old son is still like that with me, needing me to be very close, having big tantrums, talking in baby language at times. Your daughter will find a way through it eventually, despite the magnitude of the loss.

See what support school can provide. My son had a play therapist at school and now sees a therapy dog there. These things may be helpful later, too.

Very, very hard for you also, and you need the support of friends and family too.

PM me if you’d like to. Happy to connect if it would help.

Colinthedaxi · 21/09/2023 20:44

So so difficult, the same grief but you can’t really admit it publicly as he has a current partner who has been horrifically bereaved. I believe Winstons wish are good for help for your daughter? Technically you’d be eligible for WAY (widowed and young) but I think you might not find it suitable in reality. My mum recently died, my father and her had been divorced for nearly thirty years, he is married to a really good woman and has been longer than he was to my mum… he was still distraught at the funeral. It’s ok, it will be difficult, you can only do your best and plod on, I wish you well.

mondaytosunday · 21/09/2023 20:54

Yes I have. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack when our kids were 4 and 6. Telling them was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. We were very happily together and were renovating a holiday home and planning on staying there the following week. Instead I planned his funeral.
You carry on because you have to. Your child needs your support. While you are upset and tearful, I remember how much my son hated it if I was ever upset in front of him. He needed me to be strong and carry on and keep his routine going. He didn't want to think that I might leave him too.

Readnotscroll · 21/09/2023 20:57

Agree with PP, winstons wish is a wonderful charity to help children try to navigate this time in an age appropriate way. https://www.winstonswish.org/

Strength to you OP xx

Winston's Wish Homepage

Winston’s Wish is the UK’s childhood bereavement charity. We support children and their families after the death of someone important.

https://www.winstonswish.org/

Ratfinkstinkypink · 21/09/2023 20:58

It's so hard and I am so sorry for your loss. Winston's Wish were wonderful when I had to explain the death of my husband to our little fostered one, they helped me to use the right words and gave us some titles of books that were useful. Cruse can help you navigate your feelings, don't be afraid to ask for help, your feelings are natural and understandable Flowers

itsmeafterall · 21/09/2023 21:01

@sweetpea2023 that's so sad, I'm so sorry for you and DD. What a tragedy for you all.

Take it one hour at a time. Eat, sleep, hug your DD, talk about him. Remember him.

It's very lovely and special that you still have such a big place in your heart for him. Hold onto that and use it as your anchor in the coming days, months and years. That will always be with you both.

Unmunsnetty hugs 🤗

Mythicalcreatures · 21/09/2023 21:15

My ds (10 at the time) and I made a memory box where he decorated a box and we put some stuff in including a copy of the death certificate. We went to the funeral but not the wake ( like you we were separated), we went out for a meal and the cinema instead. Due to circumstances around the death, the final death certificate took a few months, so when it was ready we went to the registrar office to collect it together. A few months later we scattered the ashes and got a Christmas decoration made from some which comes out every year. We do talk about his dad and ds appears to be coping very well. Let them speak and listen

MagickSTEM · 21/09/2023 21:15

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

Some kind of age appropriate bereavement counselling/support will be a good idea. It may help your daughter to meet other children who have lost parents. Childhood bereavement can be very isolating because other kids tend to assume that everyone has two parents. The same small talk questions tend to come up repeatedly.

hadenoughpassthewine · 21/09/2023 21:16

I lost my dad suddenly when I was 5, in those days there wasn’t much support from a counselling perspective but I would highly recommend seeking professional support for both you and your daughter. Similar to your situation, my parents weren’t together at the time but my Mum was absolutely heartbroken as she even says to me now, he was her first love and never stopped loving him but just couldn’t stay with him.

My biggest recommendation is to allow your daughter to talk, to cry, to be angry. If you cry that’s absolutely normal as well and healthy for her to see that adults grieve as well and explaining these feelings are normal, will give her the comfort that she can express herself how she needs to. These next few weeks, months even years will be tricky to navigate emotionally but all you have to do is listen and let her express her feelings. She may be scared she will lose you too, the charities mentioned above will help you on what to say in those situations.

I still get comfort 30 years on hearing stories from people who knew him and talking about him. I feel that saying their name is important and remembering them in happier times is cathartic in some ways.

Sending you and your daughter huge hugs xx

Trudij123 · 21/09/2023 21:18

@sweetpea2023 I had a feeling this was you when I saw the title - I wish there was something I could say or do that would help the situation, you’ve got so much going on at the moment and this has been so horrible for all of you. Huge virtual hugs - mostly to you and D and if there is anything I can do, you know where I am xx

Moonflower12 · 21/09/2023 22:02

I can't imagine what you're going through and send you and your DD lots of love.
Please look at Winstons Wish. I have used them professionally more Tim's than I'd like. They are amazing. Xx

Moonflower12 · 21/09/2023 22:02
  • times.
New posts on this thread. Refresh page