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Original poster

Coparenting 6 week old baby struggles

24 replies

LD233 · 21/09/2023 20:10

Just looking for some advice. I have a 6 week nearly 7 week old baby and I'm having issues with his father.
Me and his father split when I was 16 weeks pregnant where he cheated on me and left me for his ex girlfriend who he's now in a relationship with who he already has another son with.

He was seeing him regularly to start with even though its been so difficult for me after how much he's hurt me however he's cancelled quite a few times on him already and is trying to say he will have him some weekends and he wants to take my baby away - he lives 40 miles away.
I said no he's way too young and he needs regular consistent visits at his home which my mom is facilitating as he's still a newborn baby!

He said he will do what he wants with him in his time and he will be taking him everytime he sees him
I don't trust this person as he has lied to me so so much and I dont want my son separated from me especially 40 miles away!

He's cancelled next weekend seeing our son as he's booked a weekend away wirh his girlfriend also.

He said he's not a newborn anymore so he can go with him (he's 7 weeks old on Saturday!)

He said if not he won't be seeing him as he's not seeing him here anymore.
I am struggling so much doing this on my own and he's trying to demand its his way or no way

I just don't know what to do anymore I'm stuck. I already know I won't have a social life much as he is inconsistent already and refuses to have him here if I want to go out.

I am struggling with post partunmdepression and this situation is making me feel 10 times worse. Also struggle seeing him or speaking to him after whar he's put me through. My head is a complete mess and I feel like a failure the way my mental health is declining

OP posts:
BeverlyBrook · 21/09/2023 20:13

Is the father on the birth certificate?

Freezingcoldinseptember · 21/09/2023 20:15

Write down a detailed time line of when he has actually seen dc to when he said he would.. Is he on the bc? Does he pay proper cms? Did he buy any baby essentials op? Does he feed /change dc? Can he settle him?

BeverlyBrook · 21/09/2023 20:17

And a newborn is til 12 weeks so he is wrong. And little babies of any age should not be taken away from their mummy if the mummy does not agree.

Your feelings are totally valid !

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Original poster
LD233 · 21/09/2023 20:33

BeverlyBrook · 21/09/2023 20:13

Is the father on the birth certificate?

No he isn't

OP posts:
Original poster
LD233 · 21/09/2023 20:34

Freezingcoldinseptember · 21/09/2023 20:15

Write down a detailed time line of when he has actually seen dc to when he said he would.. Is he on the bc? Does he pay proper cms? Did he buy any baby essentials op? Does he feed /change dc? Can he settle him?

He is not on BC. He doesn't He pays me some weeks but its inconsistent. Doesn't buy essentials just gives me irregular payments. When he sees him he does feed and change him . I'm not sure about settling him

OP posts:
CareBears48 · 21/09/2023 20:39

“He said if not he won't be seeing him as he's not seeing him here anymore.“

I think that problem might sort itself then. Assert your boundaries, tell him that he is not taking your baby away from you until you are comfortable. If he sulks and chooses to not visit anymore, then leave him to it. Don’t chase hopeless fathers, your baby will be fine without this inconsistent deadbeat.

Freezingcoldinseptember · 21/09/2023 20:58

So legally he isn't the df anyway... Let him walk away op. A feckless df is no good to your dc. Or you. Do you want this for 18 years? Let him fuck off. Your ds doesn't need a df who already isn't putting his dc's needs above his own..

Tired6789 · 21/09/2023 21:13

What a terrible time he has put you through!! Well done for getting through that.

I wouldn't let him take the baby 40 miles away. The baby is still tiny. If you think you might have PND speak to your GP asap.

Good luck

Tired6789 · 21/09/2023 21:17

Also speak to a lawyer! But at moment as he's not even on birth certificate he would have no right to take the baby. Even if he does go down the path of getting himself parental responsibility, I don't think he would get overnights with the baby at this age.

BeverlyBrook · 21/09/2023 21:19

Freezingcoldinseptember · 21/09/2023 20:58

So legally he isn't the df anyway... Let him walk away op. A feckless df is no good to your dc. Or you. Do you want this for 18 years? Let him fuck off. Your ds doesn't need a df who already isn't putting his dc's needs above his own..

Yep. Agree with this.
Stick to your rules. Your baby.

Original poster
LD233 · 21/09/2023 21:32

Thanks everyone he has blocked me now after arguing about it today. Stressed is an understatement

OP posts:
00100001 · 21/09/2023 21:38

Good, block him back and cut off all contact.

Freezingcoldinseptember · 21/09/2023 21:40

Block him back and go enjoy your dc...

OhcantthInkofaname · 21/09/2023 21:40

If he has blocked you let the block stand. Don't contact him again.

whatamess100 · 21/09/2023 21:47

Block his number so that when he decides to unblock you, he can't contact you.

No one woth any decency would take a baby away, and also, no court would decide that a 7 week old should be away from the mum. As for not being on the birth citificate, he's got no PR.

The ball is very much in your court here. Let him walk away!

WeeOrcadian · 21/09/2023 21:59

LD233 · 21/09/2023 21:32

Thanks everyone he has blocked me now after arguing about it today. Stressed is an understatement

Stressed? Why?

He's done you a favour

And he's shown you who he is

Leave it - he clearly doesn't want contact

Like fuck I'd leave CMS though - claim everything you can

TheLilacZebra · 03/05/2024 15:23

I know I’m very late to this thread. But how are things now @LD233 ?

I have a 6 week old son. I walked away from the father at 39 weeks. He only visited when I asked him to, and when here he has sat on his phone and consistently ignored our sons cries. He doesn’t know his needs or how to even begin to look after him.

He is saying the same that our son isn’t a newborn anymore and it’s time he takes him to his house (he lives with his mum and family)
I feel uncomfortable bc
a) I’m not ready to be away from my baby
b) he doesn’t know how to look after our son at all
c) his family have been very hostile towards me since I left him. They have stood by his lies, manipulation and abuse that he put me through the pregnancy and postpartum.

I don’t see any way out of this. I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been and have thoughts that I don’t want this life anymore. I feel my whole pregnancy and after birth have been ripped away from me by this family.

AGlinnerOfHope · 03/05/2024 15:26

TheLilacZebra · 03/05/2024 15:23

I know I’m very late to this thread. But how are things now @LD233 ?

I have a 6 week old son. I walked away from the father at 39 weeks. He only visited when I asked him to, and when here he has sat on his phone and consistently ignored our sons cries. He doesn’t know his needs or how to even begin to look after him.

He is saying the same that our son isn’t a newborn anymore and it’s time he takes him to his house (he lives with his mum and family)
I feel uncomfortable bc
a) I’m not ready to be away from my baby
b) he doesn’t know how to look after our son at all
c) his family have been very hostile towards me since I left him. They have stood by his lies, manipulation and abuse that he put me through the pregnancy and postpartum.

I don’t see any way out of this. I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been and have thoughts that I don’t want this life anymore. I feel my whole pregnancy and after birth have been ripped away from me by this family.

Oh sweetheart! This man has nothing to offer you. Don’t let him take your baby. Have you kept the midwife/health visitor in the loop? It sounds like you need some support.

Start a new thread all about you. You’ll get good advice and support. 💐

Blueplantpots · 03/05/2024 15:27

TheLilacZebra · 03/05/2024 15:23

I know I’m very late to this thread. But how are things now @LD233 ?

I have a 6 week old son. I walked away from the father at 39 weeks. He only visited when I asked him to, and when here he has sat on his phone and consistently ignored our sons cries. He doesn’t know his needs or how to even begin to look after him.

He is saying the same that our son isn’t a newborn anymore and it’s time he takes him to his house (he lives with his mum and family)
I feel uncomfortable bc
a) I’m not ready to be away from my baby
b) he doesn’t know how to look after our son at all
c) his family have been very hostile towards me since I left him. They have stood by his lies, manipulation and abuse that he put me through the pregnancy and postpartum.

I don’t see any way out of this. I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been and have thoughts that I don’t want this life anymore. I feel my whole pregnancy and after birth have been ripped away from me by this family.

Take the control back. You owe this family absolutely nothing and for all it’s hard you can do this on your own. Is he on the birth certificate?

TheLilacZebra · 03/05/2024 15:42

I haven’t seen a midwife /health visitor in quite a number of weeks. I don’t know if I should call them or not.

i started a thread when I left at 39 weeks. I just want to know now is there any way out of this? I dread waking up every day, I just sit crying and I’m worried it will affect my relationship with my son, I keep thinking he’s unsettled bc he hates me bc I’m never happy.

TheLilacZebra · 03/05/2024 15:47

No he’s not on the bc.

the thing is I know he would be happy enough to see his son a few hours here and there. He’s admitted that he wants his freedom, and he has proven that by being out every weekend.

I asked him last Saturday to stay and help with bathtime to try and be a father… he said he couldn’t, walked out and drank in a “mates” house but idk who’s to say he wasn’t with a girl.

despite this, his mother is very toxic. I’ve been inviting her in as she is granny, but everytime she’s got some comment to make. “When are you going back to work” “you need to be careful not to make a shot life for yourself” “Idc what my son put you through all that matters is that wee boy that’s all I care about”

she will pay for whatever and fight his case in order to get access to my son. I’ve never stopped them from seeing him, but I’m just not comfortable him going alone to them. The mother has insisted they “need” to see him and have them by themselves in her house.

the whole thing makes my skin crawl.

AGlinnerOfHope · 03/05/2024 15:53

Ok, that’s not acceptable.

Get the health visitor to signpost you to local support networks. There is help for struggling new mums.

Your baby isn’t unsettled because of you, he’s a tiny baby who just needs you to be safe so he can be too.

there’s no way the baby should be going anywhere without you, especially when you don’t trust them.

please don’t think it has to be like this.

TheLilacZebra · 03/05/2024 16:03

i can’t see any way out of this. I just want to be happy and enjoy life with my wee boy.

The dad kept saying he wanted to be a family, then he would come in spin me another lie and manipulate his way back in, even to the point I was apologising to him when I haven’t even done anything but sit at home looking after our son alone 24/7.

I feel like it was all just mental torture and I still love him making it harder to just hate him to move on. it’s completely over now, which is why he’s pushing to make visits up at his house.

I just need to know im not going to always feel this way. I can’t breathe and my mind is in overdrive. I just need it all to stop for the sake of my wee boy

Original poster
LD233 · 11/05/2024 14:44

TheLilacZebra · 03/05/2024 16:03

i can’t see any way out of this. I just want to be happy and enjoy life with my wee boy.

The dad kept saying he wanted to be a family, then he would come in spin me another lie and manipulate his way back in, even to the point I was apologising to him when I haven’t even done anything but sit at home looking after our son alone 24/7.

I feel like it was all just mental torture and I still love him making it harder to just hate him to move on. it’s completely over now, which is why he’s pushing to make visits up at his house.

I just need to know im not going to always feel this way. I can’t breathe and my mind is in overdrive. I just need it all to stop for the sake of my wee boy

Hi hun. I am so sorry your going through this I know exactly how your feeling. I am still having issues with my sons dad but it is alot easier. I ended up having to get help mentally and am on anti depressants now and in therapy and am feeling better than I was. He has him every other weekend now. Sometimes cancels but I just give up trying to get him to be a good dad. My son has me and thats all he will ever need. There is light at the end of the tunnel x

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