School mums

[Tearoomsandbuns]

DS just started reception after attending the attached nursery. I was pregnant when DS first started nursery so husband did a lot of the school drop offs and collections as I was quite unwell. Now DS is in reception I've noticed a lot of the mums standing in groups chatting before drop off and after collection. I would recognise a lot of the mums from nursery and say hello and they all seem friendly and say hi back and we occasionally chat but often I'm just standing on my own. We haven't been invited to any playdates or meet ups and I feel a bit paranoid at collections now. I'm on maternity leave at the moment but will be returning to work soon so ds will be going to an after schools club. I just feel I have no school mum friends and once I go back to work I pretty much won't get the chance.

To add I do have a good group of friends outside of school but they are mostly working and don't live local so only meet up for playdates once every few weeks.

Don't want DS to miss out either and feel like a social failure as a Mum. Anyone been in the same boat? Any advice?

Your child has just started so only been there a couple of weeks? I think you are overthinking it and I wouldn’t be surprised not to be invited to a play date yet?! Has there even been any parties?

He's been at the nursery the year before so a lot of the mums know each other from that
Yes there was a party in August his whole nursery class was invited to which we attended but had the baby with us so I did speak some time feeding and settling him away from the main party

Honestly don't worry. Give him time to make a few friends then invite 3-4 of them over with their parents to play one weekend (or to meet at the park if your house isn't suitable). Give the kids some lunch and have a proper chat with the parents then. Make sure your DH is on hand to assist with your other child so you can concentrate in chatting. Do this a couple of times and it will get easier to approach people for a chat in the playground.

Yes, and the paranoia made it worse. Bit of a catch 22. Once DS2 started school I found my people. They are invaluable to me. I never did have friends for DS1 year group.

I think you just need to smile, say hello, have and accept play dates and see where it goes. It doesn't really matter if you don't have school mum friends but when you find the right people, it can be an absolute blessing.

Maybe you do some play dates? Did you do a party?

For his last birthday we had a few from nursery who also attended his daycare, all the parties he had been to before had been daycare ones no one had nursery parties really. I had met up with one mum over the summer which was ok and I invited her to a second playdate but she advised she was busy and we didn't rearrange again. I feel it would be a bit much to ask someone for a playdate when we haven't really spoken much, DSs two close parents work so don't do the collection's themselves but grandparents instead

So you think they should invite your son to play dates, but you can't invite theirs because you haven't spoken much?

It's more I feel that as we don't speak DS won't be invited to any playdates, I wouldn't expect them to turn round and invite him right now

Really try not to worry about it. I felt like this early on last year, then decided not to worry and it naturally got so much easier. My dc has just gone into year one and this year I’m miles more relaxed. If there are groups at pick up I just go and join one. If you want play dates ask your dc who they want a play date with and just text the parent.

Thanks, probably being off on maternity leave makin me feel a bit lonely and useless. I'm sure once I'm back to work and DS is enjoying after school club I won't even think about it. There is a class WhatsApp group, I'd love to message to say we're going to the park some afternoon and see if anyone else wants to meet us but too scared no one will write back 🙈 maybe I'll be braver in a few weeks

Honestly I was the same, and was also on maternity leave when they started reception! I found it easier finding out from dc who they played with and messaging a mum separately from the class group (even though even that scared me 😅). Once I’d had a couple of play dates I felt more confident at pickup. Although I do think the biggest difference for me was deciding not to worry about it, and I think that coincided with going back to work!

People quite often do this on our class WhatsApp group! Usually only one or two (sometimes none) make it but it's not a weird thing to do.

And it's not weird to invite for playdates at this stage either if you want to do that. I did it for the same reason as you and made a couple of friends with mums I had never seen in the playground. I just gave my child a note to give her friends but you could ask the teacher to put one in their bags too. I did three or four playdates and it was hard work tbh but im glad I did.

Thanks that's good to know!
I think once the kids are settled in and doing the full days I'll maybe pop a message in the group on a Friday afternoon to say we're going to the local park, the group is quite small at the moment as it's only the Nursery mums who are in the reception class in it but maybe one or two might go!