IM 21 WITH A 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER.. and not many friends with children!

[KarisTiasMum]

i am 21 with a fab 2 year old daughter and hardly any of my friends have kids, and the ones who do live no where nearby and i hardly get to see them. i just wanted to join this site and find other women in the same situation really. it would be nice to have people to chat to who understand it! my partner is great so i am not stuck with someone to chat to really, but its always nice to meet new people in the same situation..
hope that doesnt sound too sad!
x

thaanks for the advice!! this is exhausting...x

lapin.. old enough to be my mum is cool... a lot of my friends and my partner are older.. i get on better than with people my own age.. i have always been the same especially since i became a mum!!

so if i want to talk to the same people again do i just refer back to this conversation? or is there a way of finding people?
also.. can i add pics and view other peoples?

x

you can add to your own goto my mumsnet i think and you can view others if they choose to be seen! you can see mine as its not private

i was 17 when i fell pregnant and 18 when i had Karis... very young to most people but i wouldnt change it for the world! being a mum is the most amazing thing i have every done, i love it and never feel like i am missing out like some people think. i suppose i have always been old for my age which is why i have dealt with it so well as apposed to some situations but love the fact i am a young mum!! i am really excited that i will grow with karis and hopefullt not be too out of touch! my partner is great too, so all in all everything is good! just get a bit bored during the day right now so this is a godsend!

i cant believe all these responses! ha, i expected a lonely experience until it got going! i guess all the little ones are tucked up in bed so we all have time to do this!

omg its all gone er dont know why!

missy- i clicked on your name and it sayd there is no such page.. it keeps saying this!? am i going the wrong way?

oh, that would explain it! oops hope you get it back! what a pain! im crap with computers so i am going to ask my partner to arrange my profile and add me some pics.. its nice to see who you are talking to..

x

no your not i dont know why its gone missing!? guess i will start agin

Hi KTM- I'm 21 also with a nearly 4m ds. I started using mumsnet when i was signed off from work sick in pregnancy. Mumsnet is soooo adictive especially if your a SAHM. My Dp is always telling me off for neglecting him . But in RL i do also try to go to allot of baby groups aswell to keep a healthy balance.

yay i am back up and running so should be there if you click my name

little miss bliss.. i dont really go to any mum and baby groups either, my daughter goes to nursey so does get to spend a lot of time with other kids so she is very sociable.. i just dont know many mums myself and although my friends are great with my daughter, they still all have their 21 year old lives so dont really 'get it'..
so this s nice!!
where are you from?
x

Hi KTM,

I'm 21 with a 17 month old DS and another on the way! I'm in Essex too

Luckily quite a few of my friends do have kids. I'm going to start taking DS to toddler groups soon to try and wear him out as i'm so tired all the time!

Hope your not in too much pain after your op.

Hi KTM - I was a young Mum - emphasis being on the was - 21 when I had dd1.

I have also had 3 operations on my spine so may have an idea of what you are going through!

where abouts are you in essex purple flower? i think i might keep my eye out for todler group.. although DD pretty muchwears herself out at nursery school. i shouldnt moan!

wisteria.. thats interesting, why did you have to have surgery on your spine? was it recent? this was my third, well third and fourth really as i had a big two-part op in one day! horendous! i was naive and thought that maybe having done it twice before would make it easier to deal with... HA! have to get used to wearing a brace now which is a bloody pain! how do you cope now!? is that the end of your surgery? did you have children when you had yours done!?

i sound like such a moaner! i am not honest..!! x

1st op at 18, 2nd at 27 and 3rd at 30

Had dcs in the middle.

Severe spondylolisthesis, arthritis and now have problems with chronic pain and damaged nerves etc.
Bucks fusion first - they now don't do them anymore - surprise surprise, had lower 3 vertebrates fused, then removed as it failed, had bits shaved off discs and all sorts of painful procedures done - I can beat anyone at moaning, me . You're allowed to moan as much as you want anyway, it bloody hurts

I am now waiting until I can't stand the pain anymore before I let them open me up again - bloody butchers

(Am sure you'll be fine though - things have improved greatly since the 80's

What's up with you?

i had a car accident in 2004, back passenger in a head-on.. so in someways i can count myself lucky.
had a fusion of 3 vertebre 3 months after... which seemed to work ok, but pain did continue most of the time.. then i had DD the following year and after i gave birth it just got worse, then they decided to remove the rods as they were sticking out and digging etc.. so they came out Jan 07... then it was massively down-hill since.. it all became very unstable and i went a a fab surgeon in london at the wellington (Mr Taylor)and fingers crossed its all sorted this time.. its early days as i only came out 2 weeks ago but its lovely and straight, feeling nice and strong and hopefully going to be lovely and comfy when its all heeled! they went in through my old scar on my back and made a bloody great new one on my side which i am a bit miffed about... so i am just on the look out for some potion to heel that nicely if youhave any recommendations?!
did you have to wear a brace after your surgery?

I live in Dorset by the sea! So i often take ds out on long walks along the beach and the sea air knocks him out a treat and he sleeps so much better.

Well i hope you feel better soon. I would reconmend going to groups when you feel up to it again. I moved to new are whilst pregnant (the majority of my old school friends are at uni or travellin), so they have really helped me make new friends with babies. I now go to three differnt groups a week, which enables me to meet a variety of mums! Some are lovely and i've made some really good freinds and some, well lets just say aren't my cuppa tea.

Hi,
I'm 22 and my ds is 4..

I know what you mean about friends

I'm in the middle of a big move and quite new to posting.
But thought I'd say hi...

KTM - how odd. It sounds moreorless identical except you have been brave enough to go on to the 're'-restructure and I'm too scared of paralysis!
My friend recently came out of the Wellington having had a similar thing done.

I didn't wear a brace, no - when I had my first fusion I was in a wheelchair for 3 months afterwards (things have moved on a great deal).

I would love to go ahead with it but they are extremely worried that the scar tissue will form over the main nerves to my legs and I would rather be walking in pain than not walking at all at present - the first op made a bit of a mess inside and I have very little feeling over my lower back already.

Am so pleased you are feeling strong, it's a lovely feeling after having felt so 'made of glass' isn't it?
Just carry on taking it steady and don't run before you can walk!!

Nothing for scars except Bio Oil and plenty of moisturisers etc when it's fully healed. You should see mine....it goes all the way from my bottom, straight up the middle of my back until half way and is about half an inch thick.

A scar is no biggie - you are mobile and able to walk, not to mention alive with a beautiful daughter. It's evidence of what you've been through and survived but it took me a long time to get used to it so I understand why it may feel pretty crap at the moment.

exactly what my BF says! absolutely right too, i am fairly lucky, although very long.. they are quite neat and thin and to be honest who sees them!?! they just remind me of such nasty things and i am so bitter that all of this disruption has come from one pratt driving like an idiot!
someone mentioned bio oil i will look out for some!

thanks for telling me about your experience, i feel a bit alone at times so it kind of nice to hear other people know how it feels. i try not to complain too much as i dont want to get on everyones nerves but sometimes i feel like doing nothing else HA!

just have to try and be careful not to push it and take things slow!?

so if you have more surgery it could be risky? i didnt have a choice in mine and the Mra showed here was minimal risk of paralysis so that wasnt too much of a worry for me.. i guess like you say, for you that makes the decision very tough!

if you have medical insurance (or well off enough to afford it ) then i definitely recommend the wellingotn and particularly Mrf Taylor, a fantasic man!! and the hospital was like a 5* hotel! made things a little more bearable than NHS!

well i hope things get more comfortble for you!! and you either have successful surgery or feel ok ebough to go with out!

oh yes Kbear is ancient

Another tip - when the Drs say you can start to do some gentle exercise, try Pilates. It has made a huge difference to me. I have increased mobility in my lower limbs now, can feel my toes again and am no longer walking with a stick.

It strengthens all the core muscles around your spine and would be fantastic for you I think.

It also is quite challenging and gives you a bit of yourself back IYKWIM. I went through a period of grieving when I realised I could no longer do sport and I think it's worse when you are young with a young family. All the other options I had were just not challenging enough and ended up reinforcing this 'I'm a cripple and useless' feeling.

Of course you may feel nothing like this, so feel free to ignore my ramblings

I'm a lot older than you but even so, I had the same experience.

I was 29 when I gave birth to dd and the first at work to become pregnant. Because I worked long hours (10 hours plus commuting per day) and I had just moved house a couple of years previously, I didn't know anyone other than a couple of childless old aged neighbours from my area.

I then became unemployed whilst pregnant. Four months pregnant and unemployed I remained at home for days. It's only then it struck me just how lonely I felt and I realised that I didn't know anyone with children locally! None.

It's only now that my dd is 3 and ds 1, that I've made new friends and aquaintances but it took a long time.