What actually happens at a "Mums and Tots" group?

[laladoodoo]

Trying to pluck up the courage to go to one tomorrow - it says £1 per child - coffee/tea/snacks offered and it's in a church hall.

That's all fine - but what do you actually DO when you get there? My baby is 7 months. She just about sits up and that's it. I'd love her to interact more as we have no kids in our family either side and I would also love to meet people as we are new to the area.

But my social anxiety is high at the prospect - anybody go to these things who can give tips or insight into what to expect?

Love how I have no problem getting up in a room full of strangers for my job with great confidence but for this kind of thing I struggle big time!

I know you will say only go if you want to as the baby doesn't care/benefit but I do want to, I just don't want to. If that makes sense.

You chat to other parents whilst your baby grabs a tou and waves it about a bit.

Sounds riveting 😂

You sit on a mat and desperately wiggle a toy at your baby while feeling like everyone is looking and judging you.

Or: you sit on a mat, happily wiggling a toy at your baby and have a chat and a laugh with other mums while drinking a nice cuppa kindly made by the staff running the centre.

Can't tell which until you get there unfortunately..

(Sorry if that doesn't help)

You go in have a look around normally there’s like a baby corner so go just sit with the other babies plop baby down with them and some toys while you watch close and chat with mums. Often a song bit at the end or a story time … youll have fun 😊

I went to a similar type of group with my children. I really enjoyed and found them welcoming whatever age your children were. It is more about meeting other people (mums mainly) and having a cuppa and a biscuit. I met one lady there and 20 years later I class her as one of my best friends. Give it a try you will be surprised how friendly they are x

I made friends. 15 years later, they're still me friends.

Parent and baby groups are not for the babies, they're for the parents.

You’ll go in and most likely a nice older lady from the church will take your money. Tell her you’re new.
if it’s a big group/hall there will probably be a baby area (so they don’t get trampled by the toddlers on ride ons). Nice lady on the door will point you towards that and also likely tell you how you can get a cup of tea and a biscuit.
head to baby area and get baby out of pram (you may have to leave this near entrance, again nice door lady will tell you!), sit them on a blanket or mat and place a plastic toy in front of them. They will look at it baffled for a bit. Just as you’re panicking that you don’t know what to do next either another mum or one of the church ladies will come and sit with you and make small talk.

if you’re lucky this will also involve introducing you to more people and hopefully you’ll find someone you get on with.

somewhere near the end of the session (after the tea and biscuits) likely they will encourage everyone into a circle and sing some songs. Your baby will look baffled and/or cry/sleep at this time. That’s fine. Watch the toddlers do ‘sleeping bunnies’ it’s so cute.

then go home to be repeated next week.

The problem with the first week (like all things) is that you don't know if you have to turn up 10 mins early to grab a good seat or if no one turns up on time and it doesn't really get going until 20 mins in.
There's usually someone nominally in charge (or officially in charge) and they will try and keep an eye out for newbies and make you feel welcome and introduce you to one or two people.
Sometimes they start with a story or a song; sometimes they end with one; sometimes it's free play for the whole thing.
As a PP said, you either jiggle you baby on your knee or are down on a mat with them & a random selection of toys and hoping your DC doesn't start screaming for no apparent reason or have a poo explosion.
The children who are 2yrs + (or even 18mths +) will all seem like marauding hooligans. Your child will be just like that in a year or so so try not to be too judgmental or, if you are, internally only!

You can sit and chat, use the toys even if it's just handling different items and textures like a treasure basket. There will probably be some books you can read to her, scarves to play peek-a-boo / hide a toy under.

For you, I found having a book in my bag at all times was super handy where ever I went when DD was a baby as if DD was asleep I could sit and read if I wasn't up for chatting.

I was fortunate enough to have DD when there were lots of Surestart centres around, we started going to groups at 2 weeks, obviously mostly for me at that stage. Some of them were just a stay and play type group, others had musical instruments, baby signing, messy play there were always parents with children from the 0-4 year range - I'd never noticed how giant a four year old was compared to a baby until then. Sometimes they could be cliquey, the mums weren't mean they just knew each other from having older children at the same time but eventually you become a regular too.

This is a perfect description.

I used to help run one & everytime someone new joined us helpers introduced ourselves & I would introduce the new person to the other Mums.
And then I'd chat or some of the other Mums would chat to the new Mum/Dad/Grandparent/Childminder.

Not all Mums & Tots groups are scary/horrible.

The ones I have been too are all very similar. There will be a range of toys available for 0-3 age group. There is usually a specific baby area with play mat and appropriate toys but you won't be limited to just this. My youngest liked watching the older toddlers play.
There might be a specific time for tea/snack for kids or it might be available at any time for you to take to a table. There's often some sort of singing time and/or story time at the end of the group.
Give it a try and see what you think. Some of the ones I have been too have been really friendly, some have been a bit cliquey. My eldest was clingy and my youngest was always finding ways to try injure herself so I never really mastered the sitting and chatting to adults for 2 hours that the other mums seemed to manage. I enjoyed the snippets of conversation I did get though.

You chat to people who get what you're going through

Go for it op

Xx

This.

You go the first week and make small talk about other people's kids. Hopefully they'll ask you about your child too. Conversation opens up into other things (but not necessarily with everyone you interact with)

You go week in week out to the same group and after a few weeks/months, invite another mum to yours for coffee or arrange to go to another group with one or 2 of them.

You have to persevere with it and yes, you might feel awkward at first, but keep going and talking to other parents and you will make connections.

The kids do their own thing. Just keep an eye on your child to make sure they're OK (and as they get older behaving themselves) and chat to the other people there.

Other children keep taking the communal toys your child wants to hold and finally you somehow enable your child to keep holding a toy and take them to toilet for nappy change (still holding toy) and when you come back a nice mum is assuring their child that, like she has been telling them, the toy would come back to them, and it turns out your child has taken their child's personal toy they brought from home. (Or was that just my experience......?🤔)

What a wonderful description @AppleKatie

Thank you everyone - I wasn't expecting so many responses! I'm feeling more positive about it now - what's the worst that can happen!

I'm introverted and incredibly socially awkward. Doing new things, meeting new people and trying to forge some kind of a connection is absolute hell for me. But I've found baby groups ok to deal with. The format can be anything from a quite formal structure with the group leader doing songs / stories / bubbles / sensory time, to a big carpet with lots of toys and a bit of a free for all. All of the ones I go to seem to do a bit of an intro for everybody at the beginning, which is useful because you can clock which babies are about the same age as yours, and you then have developmental commonalities to make small talk about. 7 months old, it's probably all about teething and weaning. Sleep is also something that always gets someone talking. Times that by a few people, in between rotating toys, then it's time to go.

They exist to keep new mums sane.
Ours always had the friendly older ladies to help new people. Relax. Say 'hi I'm new here' to someone else on their own. Don't be afraid to chat

If you don't like it you whisk baby off for a change or a feed then leave

I think at 7 months, you can expect an area where you DD can play with age appropriate toys - basically, things you would do at home, but with other people around.

Our group has lots of active activities for the toddlers - ride-ons, craft, etc - everything you can think of. We have toast, biscuits and fruit for the children. Tea/coffee and biscuits for the carers.

We always have a Christian message somewhere among the activities, which you can take or leave - more overt around church festivals, such as harvest.

Our session is followed by a breastfeeding/infant feeding clinic, manned by a midwife or health visitor, which has a big uptake.

I think with all these groups, these are the people that you will encounter throughout your parenting journey. When your child is 7 or 8 and well graduated from toddler group, this is where you may find a baby-sitter. It's really important to build a support group around you.

You try to stop your baby being trodden on by marauding toddlers, drink tea, and sometimes break into a despairing chorus of ‘Wind the Bobbin Up’.

I also found that the parents I met at baby group were the same ones that turned up at library events, swimming lessons, dance class and other sports clubs. "Birds of a feather flock together" I suppose.

DD is a teen now and it surprised me how often we bumped into the same people, her three best friends are children who we went to baby group with but whose parents I hadn't gotten close with so more acquaintances really and the girls had regularly been around each other at various events over the years but didn't become friends until High School. In fact they were looking through old photos of when they were toddlers and there were lots when one or other of them were in the background.