To career break or not

[EmmasDilemmas]

Short version - work is crap and home life is full on, could take a career break and be a SAHP temporarily but worried about money.

Long version - I’m finding my job incredibly hard at the moment. I work is a demanding, very reactive role in a slightly bonkers working pattern of Monday, Wednesday, Friday which means I never feel fully in work or out of it. I have just my youngest (16m) home on Tuesday and both my children on Thursday. (My oldest is 3). A close relative has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I feel quite overwhelmed.

I work every minute I can. I don’t want to, but it’s the only way to stay (semi) afloat. So on a Tuesday, I’ll normally work whilst my child naps. I work every night after they go to sleep, often until midnight. I keep telling myself it’s temporary (and in theory it is - it’s addressing a series of individual crises rather than permanent elements of my role). But it’s been six months now. My former boss has moved to a new post and a new person has been brought in who has a reputation as a “fixer” but so far, all she has done is cancelled the recruitment I’d spent 3
months making a business case for, which I was hoping would address my insane workload. So I’m not feeling positive about the change.

My dilemma is - my work offers a career break scheme of up to a year. Unpaid obviously but with right of return to same location and salary (not necessarily same job). My husband is encouraging me to take 6-12m, be at home with our kids before the oldest starts school, see lots of my family member, and get myself into a better headspace. I am really tempted to do this, especially on my more frantic days. But I worry that it’ll look like I can’t cope, and undermine my reputation at work. And more crucially, I worry about our finances. He is the higher earner, but I’m not too far behind and my income is stable whereas his varies a lot. We can manage but it’ll mean no treats, no holidays and no savings - and we have a large mortgage on a super cheap fix, so we were aiming to save for the renewal date.

Would be interested to hear what others would do and why.

I just feel angry at your employer and your manager. Are you only paid for 3 days a week?

I think with everything you are juggling I suspect something has to change. So yes to the year out, or are your skills in demand/could you find a better employer for a similar part time job?

Also do you think your manager understands what is going on for you? If you’re in demand, it might make them support the business case if they understand the alternative is losing you.

Thanks @pjani - oddly I’m not that angry at them but reading your message makes me think maybe I should be!

My old manager knew what was going on yes and did what he could to make things easier. He approved some paid time off when my family member was diagnosed and he supported and pushed hard on the business case to grow my team, which I did think would improve things. But that has now been cancelled.

The new manager knows about my family situation as I included in an HR handover document that she got all her new direct reports to fill in asking about our roles, career paths, personal circumstances and wellbeing. She also knows I’m working until super late as she sees the times I send emails, update document etc. But she hasn’t acknowledged either of these things to me yet. She’s been a post since start of September so is still very new in fairness, but I would say it’s been worse not better since she joined (not least as she is still asking lots of questions and works a bit differently so I end up redoing some things to fit what she wants).

Yes I’m just paid for 3 days. We have a flexi scheme so in theory I get the extra back, but my credit just keeps building up, even when I use it to cover holidays etc.

I’d look for a different job. Otherwise you’d just be going back to the same in 6-12 months and I imagine would soon become just as unhappy.

I’d also be concerned about the finances and would want the security of two wages.

I'd take the break and look for a new job.

Given the amount of hours you are having to work to keep up, I suggest you keep a tally of your actual hours and what work would not have been done had you stuck to your hours.
Then I would ask that your working hours are either increased by the extra hours you work per week (and pay correspondingly)OR they take on a second person to help with the workload.
You shouldn't be working on a day you're not supposed to be working. Likewise if your working day finishes at 5 you shouldn't be still working at 9.

I should have said Ariela, they would happily up me to full time hours and pay me for them (and probably let me compress them). So I could keep doing what I am now for more pay. But I would rather do what I’m actually supposed to be doing for the same pay!

I’m in the same situation and could have written your post! I work 3 days a week in a jobshare in a relatively new role. I’ve got to grips with a lot of the job but there’s so much to do and I often feel out of my depth. We manage a fairly big team and there’s a lot of people issues which is draining. I work an odd pattern too so have to spend a lot of time in the evening doing handovers etc to my jobshare partner. Young children - 4 and 2 - and I’m the default parent so all the school and life admin stuff falls to me, taking days off when they are sick etc. husband has a ‘big job’ with a lot of responsibility and not much flex although he can wfh and do some drop offs etc.

This week has been particularly bad and I’ve ended up with a cracking migraine after a low level headache all week. Running back and forth to school, stress with daughter settling into reception and needing to see the teacher, son sent home yesterday from nursery so had to juggle work with looking after him. He now isn’t allowed back for the rest of the week so have had to cancel all my plans. Work is mad this week (high profile in the media at the moment so lots of pressure and attention on my area) and there’s no let up.

Husband does as much as he can to support but he doesn’t get it. He’s soon going to be earning £150k which I feel is more than enough for me to have a few months out, and not all of that would be unpaid. Our living costs are high but we are about to get 3 year funding so childcare will go, and I’m sure we can manage for a few months. All I need is a bit of breathing space to work out a new plan and find a job which is not in London (2 hour commute currently) and more manageable with all of the home life stress.

Long way of saying I really feel you and also struggling with making a decision!

Hi, sorry I know it’s bad etiquette to post on an old thread but I’m really intrigued to know what you decided to do? In a similar situation - 2 kids, one in nursery, feel like I’m doing a bad job at work and home. Partner pulls his weight with childcare and domestic work but house is constantly a mess. I don’t feel like I get any satisfaction out of my career except the salary and I have a side project that is my passion but have no time for without compromising my day job. Would love to take a few months out to explore options.

I’d be interested to know how everyone posting on this thread got on! I took a career break starting February but it hasn’t really given me any space or time to make future plans as I hoped it would, just feel like I’m firefighting things at home and dealing with things with the kids - maybe I was unrealistic?!