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Mother Judgement

2 replies

MummaToA · 20/09/2023 16:05

So my lb is 11 weeks old and we're loving life with him around.

My mother has been incredibly judgmental since he arrived and even before.
I bought a perineal bottle and she rolled her eyes saying you'll never need it - I did very much so need it after my episiotomy, the same with muslins. There's judgement for using a snot sucker because she never did, my bouncer chair because it has a battery powered vibrate button and she had to bounce ours with her foot when we were kids, changing mat because she did it on her knee (she also had 3 girls and I've got a boy who loves to wait til his nappy is off to pee lol).

It's really getting to me now, she's belittling the difficult recovery I had from my lb's birth too. As I said before I had an episiotomy and it got infected, a stitch loosened and I had a gaping hole where it shouldn't be. Overall it was honestly traumatising for me. My older sister was asking me yesterday about the episiotomy and I said how it was so painful to urinate after it, my mother chirped in trying to say it only hurt the second time she urinated after giving birth. She didn't seem impressed when I pointed out that she didn't have an episiotomy and I was referencing the wound from that and not (luckily for her) a cut free labor.

Has anyone else had their mother try to judge every little thing they do/buy.

If she keeps this up I'm going to snap, I find it hard to agree with her parenting advice (that 99% of the time I've not asked for) because she was so neglectful when I was growing up and allowed us to come to harm with an ex.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
vodkaredbullgirl · 20/09/2023 16:09

It's amazing what you can get these days. Ignore what she says.

fearfuloffluff · 20/09/2023 16:21

If she keeps this up I'm going to snap, I find it hard to agree with her parenting advice (that 99% of the time I've not asked for) because she was so neglectful when I was growing up and allowed us to come to harm with an ex.

This is the elephant in the room, OP. I think quite often, having your own child causes a fundamental change in your relationship with your parents. You're probably quietly judging her for how she parented you, now you have your own child, thinking you'd never do the same.

She's maybe anticipating this and feeling anxious and criticising as a result. She's feeling defensive because maybe it was the best she could do, even if it was shit. Or maybe it wasn't the best she could do. Who knows.

I can imagine if in 20 years time my kids have kids and tell me a supersonic baby rocker or ultraviolet toy cleaner or something is essential, I'd raise an eyebrow.

That's not your problem, your problem is coming to terms with a mother who neglected you.

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