How to manage young kids and work

[Dairywairy]

I currently have two DC aged 4 and 2. Currently pregnant with DC3 due just after Xmas. DH and I both work 4 days a week so youngest only has to do 3 days at childcare.

We were just about managing this but now eldest has started school it feels like everything has ramped up a level. There’s so many communications and events with the school to keep on top of. Three different apps! Ordering school dinners online. DC has some mild SEN as well so that’s extra meetings and paperwork and appointments.

within a week of starting school DC brought home a horrible bug and we’ve all had it one by one which has meant time off work unwell ourselves as well as having to take time off to look after sick kids. This is probably continue continue throughout autumn winter and into spring now. Coughs and colds also make our kids sleep really badly so we’re all knackered even if we aren’t all ill.

Previously the two DC were at the same childcare setting but now obviously the eldest is at school. Picking up and dropping off at two different locations has become some sort of military operation, due to our different working days and patterns etc it’s all so complicated.

I have a lot of antenatal appointments due to underlying condition which doesn’t help. Then there’s all the other stuff, flu vaccines, dentists, hair cuts, one child needs an eye test, someone needs measuring for shoes, the list is endless. And we’re about to have another?!

Then obviously there’s all the other life admin such as food shops, meal planning, car needs an MOT, house insurance needs renewing, fridge freezer has broken so need to get someone out to look at it but obviously they give you a 7am-7pm slot so someone else has to do the school run etc etc it feels like my head is going to explode!

Grateful for any tips on how to manage everything. Also starting to wonder how it’s actually possible for both parents to work with several young kids without getting hugely overwhelmed and stressed? In between all the appointments and events and the birthday parties and the sick days (my god the sick days). Also my kids haven’t even started doing any extra curricular activities yet so it’s only going to get worse. I will never give up work partly because my pension and associated benefits are my only life insurance due to my medical condition but I wonder if we both need to look at working more part time while the kids are so small. It would be a struggle financially though.

Mum of three here with two working parents.

It’s super busy but I find you just have to be really really organised. I have a planner which I fill in on a Sunday evening, it has a page for each day. What’s going on, What we are eating, who needs to be where, jobs that need to be done, other jobs that it would be nice to get done. It means I don’t forget things and I feel like my head isn’t FULL of stuff as it’s all written down.We have a joint calendar on our phones so stuff also goes on there.

I get up at 5 to do meal prep for the day, make lunches, put on washing, run the hoover round, do abit of cleaning etc…

i do whatever admin I can in the evenings.

The rest of the time I’m rushing back from work, collecting children and ferrying them to some kind of after school club/appointment/party/play date.

Sometimes it seems overwhelming but you will find your flow x

Pick some of the mental load tasks and allocate 100% of them to either you or dh.

One of you sorts the primary school admin completely. All letters, all dinner money/ordering. All appointments. Knowing when the dress up days etc are.

The other one sorts the Nursery. All payments, bags prepped, toppi g up spare clothes and nappies etc.

One app each.

Single mum. 2 kids primary. Own business. Amazing what you cope with when you have no option. A second parent, 4 day week and employment benefits sound like heaven!

Kinda pointless comment there. The OP is asking for suggestions - I'd imagine with your situation you've probably got lots of helpful tips on how you stay so organised.

But no, just drop a shitty comment in instead. Classy.

Are you taking maternity leave OP? Christmas will be here in the blink of an eye. In some ways it will be easier if you're at home, gives you a bit more flexibility with drop offs and perhaps you could do more of the admin/planning side of things (depends what your baby is like I guess!). You might find things fall into place a bit before you go back to work.

I'm a lone parent and I have day a week where I'm not working and I catch up on house and life admin. I used to work ft and life was just about doable, but not much fun. If you can cut back one day (or a half day each) and manage financially I think it would take a lot of the pressure off. When you have all 3 DC at school it should get a bit easier again.

First thing first - you both need to be on board and have a couple of golden rules, you are not the family secretary nor do you have one.

Family calendar everything goes in it - we use a shared MS Teams one. When you have a chance (ha) sit down and pop in the stuff you already know -e.g. you will need to sort outfits for Halloween/xmas plays/holiday clubs bookings etc.

Family to do list - mine are under the urgent/set a date (and set a date e.g. when you leave the dentist set a date there and then pop in calendar)

School SEN meetings given it is new development -alternate appointments between you both this will help feel less overwhelmed and show it is both of you not just mum!

Don't take on the whole lot on maternity! it will be a complete pain to disentangle. Ensure only one of you is the person managing an app each - nursery/school.

Also do not under any circumstances try to keep things in your head and become the gatekeeper - it is horrible feeling overwhelmed and unfair. information is shared/available to both of you - end of.

We have a sit down have a coffee on Friday mornings with the family diary and our work diaries and sort any swaps etc - we do be in work mode so it takes ten minutes and you finish your Friday feeling human.

Don't forget to schedule breaks (alone/couple) a walk/coffee/etc to maintain your well being. Good luck with the new arrival! Remember if you all are in one piece and still talking to each other it has been a good day.

In England and Scotland any reception child at state school is entitled to free school meals regardless of household income. I recently signed some paperwork to get my reception-aged DC registered for it, could you be entitled to this?

We have a sit down have a coffee on Friday mornings with the family diary and our work diaries and sort any swaps etc - we do be in work mode so it takes ten minutes and you finish your Friday feeling human.

We do this too but on a Sunday night with a glass of wine, laptops, and banking apps at the ready to move money between savings and current accounts, pay any invoices, book holidays, pay babysitters etc. I can see the point about finishing Friday feeling human, we do it Sunday to feel prepared for the week ahead. We call it "Sunday Night Business" which is not the most creative phrase but it works.

Then we make sure that uniforms are clean and laid out, shoes by the door, coats found and ready to go, car keys on the hook, sports kit/music kit/school bags packed and by the door so Monday morning starts as stress-free as possible.

@Iona345 its not the busy olympics. I’m allowed to feel overwhelmed even though other people might have it worse. Yes I have an employment benefit of a pension (I think everyone has to have a workplace pension available?) but beyond that we just get normal holiday and no other benefits really?

My kids aren’t both at school so on the day per week I don’t work I look after the 2 year old. It’s probably the day i feel most exhausted as she doesn’t really nap anymore and she’s non-stop! If she does nap it’s for 30-40 mins and then she won’t go to bed until 8.30-9pm 🙃 Once I’m on mat leave we can afford for my DH to take two weeks paternity and then two weeks leave and after that he’s going to have to go back up to full time. We can just about manage to keep sending the two year old to nursery the three days a week she currently goes (thank god) but I will have the baby and the toddler by myself two days a week and will also do all the school pick ups although DH can manage most drop offs on his way to work which is good. So I think I will naturally end up taking on more of the school/DC admin during mat leave as I’ll be the one around.

My eldest DC does get free school dinners but you have to order them on the app.

So I think I will naturally end up taking on more of the school/DC admin during mat leave as I’ll be the one around.

This very often then becomes your job for life, so take care and discuss with DH about it only being temporary.

We dropped hours, only way it worked. You learn to live on less money.

WFH and a degree of flexibility has been our saviour.
That said, we only have one child, wouldn’t be able to deal with three and still work and retain my sanity. That’s just me though, I know people who do!

@Xiaoxiong @Marblessolveeverything i have previously tried to instigate a weekly meeting of sorts but my DH is always very reluctant 🙄 presumably because he knows he’s going to end up with some admin. I don’t know why it’s supposedly mine to distribute though? On paper I think he thinks he’s doing his bit because he does a day a week of childcare and shares drop offs/pick ups etc so he’s doing more than a lot of dads do. But it’s still me stuck with all the mental load. If I tell him something is his job he either doesn’t do it or he fucks it up (eg last year he didn’t phone the garage about the MOT until two days before it was due so they couldn’t fit us in and we had a mad dash around all the garages further afield to find somewhere with a slot etc). Maybe I just need to let him fail but most things also affect either me or the kids too and I won’t have them being let down. He already does things like leaves it to the day before to buy his DM a birthday card etc..

(For the record I don’t buy his DMs birthday cards etc, I leave this to him, as it’s one of the few things that doesn’t effect me if he doesn’t sort out).

I sound like an ungrateful cow now because I am grateful that he pulls his weight with childcare. And he isn’t lazy round the house, he does his fair share. It’s just that I seem to be the one stuck with all the thinking/planning. And I know he’s tired too, same as me.

Single parent and work full time, kids 4 and 2. It is hard!

You haven’t mentioned wraparound - is this available at school? It may help balance the military timings you currently have.

I have robot hoovers - one downstairs mops, hoovers and empties itself (was expensive but cheaper than the cleaner I had to let go when my circumstances changed).

Online shop predominantly.

Playdates with other kids.

Shared calendar (both have iphones) with their dad which helps). Easier to add in the moment and everything is up to date, rather than reviewing weekly.

Good luck!