Disorganised 8 year old who struggles to focus – advice needed

[Helpmeorganisemychild]

I’ve written and deleted this post a few times but finally plucking up the courage to ask for help. Please be kind! My 8-year-old DS is massively disorganised and struggles to stay on task. Our time together mainly consists of me nagging him to do something (take a shower, do his homework etc.) and it’s making both of our lives a misery. Even getting his shoes on to leave the house can sometimes take an hour because he becomes distracted and wanders off. He also needs reminding every morning what he needs to do to get ready for school, even though the routine has been the same for 5 years.

DH is no help (that’s another post entirely…) so it’s always me trying to get DS to where he needs to be with the stuff he needs at the time he needs to be there, and it’s exhausting for both of us.

We’ve already had a phone call from the school this term about his lack of organisation & inability to finish work on time because he’s chatting or staring out of the window, and he’s always the last child to arrive at/leave lessons, the last in the lunch queue, the last to get on/off the coach etc. and loses all his stuff almost daily.

He’s a wonderful boy and is absolutely flying at school (he attends an academically selective prep, which he loves) but his disorganisation and inability to stay on task is becoming a real problem. He’s told me that his mind is like a roller coaster and it’s constantly whizzing away from the thing he’s supposed to be doing. Conversely, he will read for hours and does really well in assessments when he becomes very focussed, but day to day he’s a disaster.

Does anyone have any book recommendations or advice for how I can help him to be more organised? I’m not expecting miracles (he is only 8), but after a particularly exhausting weekend where it took a record 8 hours to get him to take a shower, I’m losing the will.

I should add that ADD has crossed my mind but school think not as he can focus for fairly long periods when he puts his mind to it. Also I'm quite disorganised and a bit chaotic so he might have unfortunately inherited a tendency from me, but either way I'd like to be able to give him some tools to help him focus. Thanks for reading.

Yes, it sounds a lot like ADHD. (Or, ADHD innatentive type, which is what they call ADD these days).

The ability to hyperfocus is a symptom of ADHD, not proof someone doesn't have it! Honestly, schools can peddle some really misinformed crap sometimes.

My DS's SENCO, of all people, said he couldn't be on the spectrum because he can make eye contact. A load of misinformed nonsense, and one ADHD diagnosis later. I beg to differ. We circumventd the school and went to the GP who referred DS for diagnoses. It took ages, but he get the diagnosis in the end.

I have ADHD and your DS sounds a lot like me.

ADHD does run in families. Have you ever considered getting assessed yourself?

It wasn't on my radar at all, until I got my DS assessed for autism and happened across some information about ADHD in women.

DS1 has ADHD and is top of the class academically but couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery. He’s like me, basically.

Medication has transformed his life. He used to be the boy who fell off his chair multiple times a day; now he’s focused and always working hard. His executive function still needs work, but he’s also autistic so he’ll always need help with it.