The constant load with a one year old and working - how to manage

[exhaustedmama7]

I work full time, DH works full time, DD is one. Our house is a constant mess. DH gets annoyed at me because our house isn’t clean or tidy enough but he doesn’t help a lot. I could do better but I think he could help more. We can’t afford a cleaner.
I’m trying to lose the baby weight but I’m exhausted and I’m barely making the gym twice a week.
Does anyone who works full time with a one year old just find life tiring? It’s one thing after another. Or am I failing.

You are not failing - your DH is. "DH gets annoyed at me because our house isn’t clean or tidy enough but he doesn’t help a lot." There's your problem in one sentence. Life with a one year old is hard - morese when you're doing it with little or no support. Sit down with Dh, list ALL the things that have to be done, and divide accordingly i.e. he can tidy up and clean whilst you do bath and bedtime. He can do a load of ironing whilst you cook dinner (obviously allocate tasks according to skills and preference - these are just examples). When one is working, the other should be working too. Many hands make light work and all that. That way you should both end up with some down time too.

Hi, I'm in the same situation. However I have to say that I'm having a cleaner start in a couple of weeks. She's going to do 2 hours every week. I see it as it's the cost of a weekly takeaway and will make things so much easier. Is this not something you could stretch too?

If he wants it cleaner - he can do some cleaning. Lazy arse if he's expecting you to do it all.
You're both working full time so you share the jobs. End of.

The man has zero right to be annoyed at you, is he implying that because you’re a woman it is your role to do the chores despite you both working full time? Shut that down right away.
A grown man equally contributing to the running of the house he lives in is not ‘helping’, do not call it this, do not ask for ‘help’, he needs to function and contribute equally to chores, drudge work, planning and parenting. If not, your life would be easier without him, as he would be running his own house and parenting 50/50.

Sounds like the actual issue is you have a sexist prick for a husband who doesn't appear to acknowledge the fact that he is responsible for half the stuff that needs to happen at home.

Yeah, you need to change the ground rules
You are equal partners in this parenting and household thing

Is he getting annoyed with you because he is frustrated and doesn't like it messy - or annoyed with you because he thinks its your job (it isn't) ?

Either way, sit down and make a plan. Work out your minimum standards. Organise the division of labour.

I'd spend your gym money on a cleaner. Once a fortnight even. Run, walk or workout at home instead.

He needs to pull his weight and do 50% of housework and childcare.

I'm afraid to say that you need to lower your standards! My house was significantly cleaner/tidier from about 20 months old when my daughter wanted to play independently. Then I have birth 6 months later again and the mess is another level with that extra lot of toys/ washing.

Get toys out on rotation only.
Meal plan. Use a slow cooker if need be.
Wipe down toilet / sink / kitchen sides every day.
Run vacuum round every day.
Do a wash load every other day and put away clothes as soon as you can.

This is all 50/50 with your husband.
Anything more you can do is a bonus.

Sounds like your husband is failing. Another Neanderthal man expecting the woman to do all the work

This! He needs to do his fair share and stop complaining.

Working full time and parenting too is hard work - be kind to yourself.

Same situation and it is going ok with us but we have a strict routine and we are both also home from work or finishing work by 6pm on the days we WFH. For context baby is usually asleep by 7pm.

1. Sunday evening I batch cook dinners for Monday & Tuesday. DH cleans bathrooms and hoovers the house.
2. Monday night I wipe down surfaces/dust and put away washing from Sunday. DH sorts bins.
3. Tuesday night DH batch cooks for Wednesday & Thursday dinners.
4. Wednesday eve I hoover the house. DH plays football.
5. A wash is put on Thursday night.
6. Friday morning the wash is put on the line before work and put in tumble dryer if still damp on Friday evening. We have a ready meal Friday eve.
7. Saturday morning I sort and put away the washing while DH entertains the baby. We spend the day with our child.
8. Saturday night DH cooks dinner, I do an online shop for delivery Sunday. Put another wash on Saturday night ready for Sunday morning
9. Sunday hang out wash and into tumble dryer that night, online shop arrives.

Toys are tidied away into a playpen every night after bedtime and this is done while the other person is reheating dinner. Dishwasher on every night.

Stop, DH doesn't "help" enough. You are both adults you need to sit down and have a very open conversation. There is two of you there is a lot to be done - he needs to do half - and a real half - the mental and physical.

This needs to be the foundation of your relationship because I can guarantee it will fester and cause further issues.

DH gets annoyed at me because our house isn’t clean or tidy enough but he doesn’t help a lot

This is the route of all your problems.

It's not your job. It's not your child. It's your DH.

Nothing will change till you put your foot down and demand an equal partnership.