Weird thinking around second child, like I'm not as present because I know how fast it goes

[mumnothavingfun]

I'm struggling to put it into words but I feel like with my first I didn't know how quick it all went and I really took in each stage. I was present and really getting to know him through every stage.

With my second it just feels like it's flying by so fast I've missed most of it. I find myself dressing him thinking I need to buy him some more clothes then thinking what's the point he'll be too big for them soon. I find myself going to buy a baby toy then thinking it's pointless because he'll grow out of it soon. I almost feel like I'm not present and I'm not giving him enough in the now because I just know I'm going to blink and he'll be 4 too

He's my last and I think I struggle with that but 9 months of my maternity leave is gone and I just feel like I'm missing it all, I guess the baby stage doesn't feel like him it feels like a transitional period this time around? I'm really struggling to put it into words, I'm hoping someone might make some sense of it and have some advice

Hmm perhaps I'm not explaining it right!

I know just what you mean. There's so much more of a mental load with 2 kids and that makes it harder to be in the moment. Going back to work is emotional too, you will have made the most of your time off and you're just doubting yourself.

I've definitely felt the time go past much quicker with my 16mo. We've not had the time to stop and reflect much, life is so busy with 2. I barely remember what she was like pre-walking.

I'm glad though that I had enough of a gap that my eldest had been in nursery/school. Being able to do loads of baby-focused activities has slowed it down a bit, and I've loved doing all the classes again, and it helps me think about DC2 as an individual. When DC1 is on school holidays it's easy for DC2 to just get dragged along to older kids activities and I'm just juggling both of them.

I feel the same way.
Second time is flying in, I think for me it's because I'm much busier with getting my first sorted for school and entertained afterwards I can't focus as much on baby. I'm hoping when he's in longer days next week I can have more relaxing time to do baby things. With my first I was so excited for each new thing too, like getting a special Halloween onesie, this time is feels wasteful as it'll be worn once but trying to get myself out of that mindset as it should be special with this baby too

I totally understand what you are saying. It felt like I was just going through the motions a lot of the time with DC2.
I wish I had been more present when we had a bit of 1:1 time. DC1 was a very boisterous toddler when DC2 was born which didn't help.

If I could go back I would focus on being more present for all of the 1:1 time we did manage to get - bath, nappy changes etc.

I understand OP.

I have one child and really wanted a second, but when I spoke to my pal from our ante natal about wanting to go through all the joy and wonder all over again, she told me that having her second was completely different and it all just seemed to rush by in the blink of an eye. I think how you’re feeling is really normal!
Also, aren’t many of us guilty of buying too many clothes, toys first time round? Your time and love is all that’s required.

I m totally with you OP, I have newborn 5 weeks old and toddler who is 2.7 years currently I m on MAT leave and days are going by with blink of an eye!! And many things don't excite me much now!! Can't imagine how it ll be once I have to go back to work!

I know exactly what you mean. Mine are 7 and 4 now but I remember when my youngest was a baby, I realised I barely spoke to him when it was just the two of us because I appreciated the peace and quiet when (turns out ADHD) DS1 wasn’t around. Whereas when DS1 was a baby, every nappy change came with a nursery rhyme or song, chatting etc. Poor second children!