I’m awful

[Feelingcrazy123]

3 1/2 year old in the bath tonight, no problems until time to get out. He was throwing the sponge full of water soaking everywhere - walls, floor, towel, ceiling and me. He slipped and bumped his head - no injury and absolutely fine. I asked him a number of times to stop throwing the sponge but he ignored me and I got so frustrated - shouted and threw the toothbrush with tooth paste into the bath - not hitting him. He instantly started to sob. I picked him up wrapped him the towel and held him, cuddling him and saying I’m so sorry over and over again. He kept asking “why did you throw that mama”. My heart shattered. I feel like the worse mam. I’m 36 weeks pregnant, exhausted and in pain which I know is no excuse. He is an incredible boy, the most polite, funny, smart and caring boy who’s sometimes a little mischievous. I feel horrid.

You're not a bad parent, you just lost your rag and did something that didn't hurt your child, it just made him scared for a minute. When you've both calmed down you could explain that him throwing the sponge when you asked him not made you sad just like you throwing the toothbrush made him feel sad. And agree to try not to make each other sad anymore.

You’re not awful, or horrid. You’re doing a very hard job and your son sounds amazing. He can learn that a) no one is perfect and b) our actions have consequences and can make people upset. You didn’t hit him; he knows you love him. He won’t remember this but he might remember a lesson learnt. You’ll both be ok 😘

You're not awful, you're at your limit. And every single human being has one of those. You did the right thing by apologising to him and making him feel safe again.

Next step is to think about how things are divided in your house and where is your time for yourself to rest etc. If you have a partner I'd be telling them what happened and that you are taking xyz time to do things for yourself and they will be the default parent for that period. Growing a person is no joke. Doing it while parenting another small person is intense. So this is just your body and mind telling you that you need to give yourself more so that you can give better to them. You've just been ignoring your own needs a bit too long, that doesn't make you awful- just human. But now you know so you can hopefully make changes. Do you have support around you? If not a partner then family or friends you'd trust to babysit even in the house while you rest and have a bath for example.

Give yourself some grace mama. Just you writing this shows how much you care. We've all lost our shit at times. You're doing well - you've got this xxxx

"I asked him a number of times.."

You've learnt that you don't reason with little children or give them numerous chances.

In this instance you should have asked him once and when he carried on, you take it away.

It's ok to be assertive with your child. Assertive is not abusive.

At that age they can be very unreasonable and antagonistic but also very manipulative at making you feel guilty.

This

I lost my shit many times with my 3 doubt they remember now x

Personally I think you are being a little bit hard on yourself, show me a parent that has never got frustrated with their DC,also your 36 weeks pregnant that must be an anxious time for you, focus on the positives on the amazing job you have done over the last 3 years not one negative moment of frustration

Don't ask him to stop doing something, tell him. Tell him once and then intervene if or when he doesn't stop. All he's learned here is that he can ignore your requests for him to behave, and can then get away from being told off by crying at you.

He was throwing the sponge full of water soaking everywhere - walls, floor, towel, ceiling and me. He slipped and bumped his head - no injury and absolutely fine.

This is not ok for a 3.5 year old to be doing.

You tell him firmly to stop. Then you physically remove him. He can't go soaking the whole room while you implore him to stop.

He's 3, that will happen, but rather than saying sorry over & over, address his behaviour properly.

And at 36 weeks pregnant, you shouldn't have to be doing the bath stuff, time for DH to step up.

Yeah, I'm with this poster. Throwing a wet sponge around is dangerous and can damage the bathroom. That needs to be explained. Then take it off him. No you shouldn't have shouted but at the same time, he absolutely should not have been allowed to carry on with destructive behaviour.

3.5 is the hardest age. Mine are 20+ now and I promise you, 3.5 was the worst. It's much worse even than the teenage years.

He threw a sponge, you threw a toothpaste. 🤷‍♀️

Be kind to yourself.

Thank you everyone

my husband is incredible and very supportive he does 99% of bath times now but he was at work tonight so couldn’t.

thanks again for your advice and support

If you’re very tired then you could skip the bath time occasionally.

@HenryCavillsWife try a 15 year old in 2023! Much harder than a 3 year old. Emotionally wearing. They go back to being a toddler but better at it. Unless you manage to curb all those tendencies now. Don't let them make you feel bad. Explain calmly why the sponge is a problem. Easier said than done!

Maybe he was trying to play with you as he misses you.