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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

New yr 7 falling to pieces

11 replies

Grushenka · 18/09/2023 18:17

My 12 yr old son started yr 7 in a mainstream school a fortnight ago and he's in absolute bits at home. He is crying, having panic attacks, saying he is going to kill himself, stamping around, hiding, running away, shaking etc - all evening after school and all morning before it. He says he is scared of school, he's frightened of the teachers and he can't cope with being told off 'all the time.' He complains about moving from one classroom to another, doing homework, having to write, I mean, the absolute basics. He wants to 'make a stand' and not go in at all. He says he is so frightened.

I have sat with him and gently encouraged him, other times I have been firm and explained he has to go in and I will do what it takes to help him, I have sat with him while he cried for hours about his fear of school. He says he has made friends there, and he is so sociable and funny he makes friends everywhere he goes, so I don't think it's that. In all other aspects of life he is chilled and easygoing, responsible and fun. I just don't understand this extreme reaction. There is some history of this behaviour, when he was being bullied in his mainstream primary yr 4 he would cry before school, but as a much younger kid.

He had previously been in a specialist school for years 5 and 6 as he has dyslexia and dyspraxia. He loved it there, as he coped really well. The school said he was well ready to move back into mainstream school. He appears to be managing well in school in terms of behaviour and learning.

I am so low, I don't know how to carry on. I haven't approached school as I truly don't think they can do anything about it.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? Has anyone got any ideas about why he's behaving like this? I am so confused and I'm sure I'm mucking up, I just don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
cansu · 18/09/2023 18:23

You definitely need to contact the school. Ask to speak to pastoral or send team. It sounds like he is overwhelmed. If he has been in a specialist school with small classes, a large high school will be stressful.

twistyizzy · 18/09/2023 18:30

Starting secondary is tough enough for NT kids but when you add in any additional needs then I'm sure it can be hell for many kids. No words of advice apart from speaking to the pastoral team but just 💐

Elisheva · 18/09/2023 18:45

Definitely contact the school. This is not a normal level of distress, he’s not coping. There is lots that the school can do to support him, but they can’t support if they don’t know

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Phineyj · 18/09/2023 18:48

School may be able to: give a time out card; let him leave lessons early to avoid crowded corridors; suggest quiet places for break and lunch (library?) plus possibly may have nurture classes. Speak to form teacher and year head asap and also SENCO. Lots they can do.

Grushenka · 18/09/2023 18:54

Thank you so, so much. I really appreciate the support. I have written to the school to ask to meet, I just feel afraid I'm going to cry on them. Need to be tough, but feel so worn down - it's only been two weeks! Nightmare!

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Rexxxxxx · 18/09/2023 18:58

Email the form tutor, head of year, pastoral team. Ask for a meeting to workout all the triggers and how they can support.

liquoricecravings · 18/09/2023 19:01

@Phineyj has great suggestions. Some schools have a social skills group for year 7s that struggle with transition so ask if they have one. Ask to meet with the Senco and head of year. Explain what is happening and make it clear you want to work with the school. They might have a sensory room he can use when he feels overwhelmed. Sometimes having a reduced timetable for a period of time is an option too. Ask about mentoring services and if he can have a member of staff he can build a closer relationship with like the assistant head of year or similar so he feels comfortable knowing he has an adult that will listen to him. Heads of year and form tutors can pop into his lessons in their frees just to have a quick chat and see how he's feeling. It won't be pointed, but discreet. When I did that for my students I would talk to a few of them in the classroom so it wasn't obvious who I'd gone in to talk to.

Phineyj · 18/09/2023 20:39

I heard a kindly colleague doing exactly that this morning - quiet chat with a nervous year 7 in the empty 6th form area where I was marking.

AuntMarch · 18/09/2023 20:45

Grushenka · 18/09/2023 18:54

Thank you so, so much. I really appreciate the support. I have written to the school to ask to meet, I just feel afraid I'm going to cry on them. Need to be tough, but feel so worn down - it's only been two weeks! Nightmare!

You don't need to be tough. You just need to advocate for your son. It doesn't matter if you cry, they are there to support!

It must be absolutely heartbreaking for you to see your son so upset, but don't feel like you have to help him alone x

Makinglists · 18/09/2023 20:48

The school will want to help (if they don't then it's the wrong school). Don't be frightened of getting upset, it shows you care and the strain you and your son are under. There are loads of strategies they can put in place to ease anxiety Y7 is all about learning in a 'big school' I think it's a bit like reception all over again, getting the kids settled and used to a different way of learning - for y7 I think the academic learning is almost secondary in importance. It will take time, let the school help you and your boy

Grushenka · 21/09/2023 20:08

Thanks all for your advice, the school stepped in to support and he has been so much calmer this week. I really did need to speak to them, so thanks again for urging me to do that.

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