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Parenting

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Original poster

AIBU to expect ex to have baby more

49 replies

momistired · 18/09/2023 12:44

My ex partner stays with his mum and dad and has our 11 month old baby every second weekend on a Friday and Saturday night. I pick him up at 12 on a Sunday.

I have 3 other kids and my daughter has autism so as you can imagine it's pretty full on at times.

When baby is away every second weekend I'm catching up on housework washing/ ironing etc.
With a dog at home to it's pretty chaotic.

I barely get any time for myself or to spend with my other kids.

Am I being unreasonable to expect more help with the baby?

I'm exhausted! 😢

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 18/09/2023 14:06

You can, and should, claim through child maintenance service op. You don't have to thank him, you don't have to even speak to him about it. It's for his child. Save the money for your child if you dont need it.

Original poster

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:06

@whatwasthatgrandma no it's not really like that at all.
His parents are great grandparents but we don't get along.
His mum is one of they ones who thinks her son is an angel and she's turned on me so many times over her son. Even when he cheated on me and lied to me every day.
You know nothing so please don't make assumptions

OP posts:

Marblessolveeverything · 18/09/2023 14:12

How about reframing it. Your child will benefit more from more frequent visits. Start from there and see what can be agreed.

I appreciate you have mentioned your OCD, is there any supports you can engage to reduce the time to gain some down time?

I think if you manage a little down time it will help you refresh. All the best.

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9-12 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/09/2023 14:14

Claim maintenance, if he works, and send the baby to nursery. If the older DC are at school during the day you’ll get more of a break.

PheonixAndTheCarpet · 18/09/2023 14:15

I would reframe it as in the interests of your child, regular contact etc rather than helping you iyswim.

Original poster

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:17

PheonixAndTheCarpet · 18/09/2023 14:15

I would reframe it as in the interests of your child, regular contact etc rather than helping you iyswim.

Yeah I think this is the way to go. I do feel he's going for to long without seeing them then he's there with them for 2 days.
I worry about it being to much for him, as much as I enjoy the break but I know he must wonder where we all are :(

I think the every second weekend suits them better but I will approach it with them and see what they say

OP posts:

marymungoNminge · 18/09/2023 14:24

I would say

'Hi (grandparents names & man child)

In the interest of (DDs name) I was think it may be beneficial to increase the time spent with yourselves so she can grow a stronger bond and have a more consistent and regular relationship, rather than an occasional visit twice a month. Please let me know your thoughts and if you want to go ahead, send me some days in the week that work for you all and I will see what works this end so we can hopefully come to an agreement. It's important DD has a regular and consistent bond with her family and I think she would benefit from this. Thanks, Momistired'

Put it so the interest is for your daughter so you don't feel they have anything to hold against you OP. You're doing a fab job.

benoticanarsed · 18/09/2023 14:26

His old is he? Does he have mental health issues himself?

Original poster

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:32

marymungoNminge · 18/09/2023 14:24

I would say

'Hi (grandparents names & man child)

Put it so the interest is for your daughter so you don't feel they have anything to hold against you OP. You're doing a fab job.

Great wording. Thank you 🩷

OP posts:

Original poster

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:35

benoticanarsed · 18/09/2023 14:26

His old is he? Does he have mental health issues himself?

Yeah. He's currently seeing a therapist to learn how to stop lying 🙈

I know crazy right!

OP posts:

PinkFrogss · 18/09/2023 14:48

Claim maintenance, use your increased household income to pay for a nursery, or a cleaner, or therapy for your OCD.

Im surprised they have them for a whole weekend - I though contact for very young children was usually short and frequent. No harm in discussing more overnights though

mycoffeecup · 18/09/2023 14:49

TBH if he's such a man-child you don't want him that involved - I wouldn't push for more.

Original poster

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:50

mycoffeecup · 18/09/2023 14:49

TBH if he's such a man-child you don't want him that involved - I wouldn't push for more.

I'm gonna have the cut with his gran about one night per week rather than the full weekend every second weekend

OP posts:

Original poster

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:51

*chat

OP posts:

mycoffeecup · 18/09/2023 14:51

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:50

I'm gonna have the cut with his gran about one night per week rather than the full weekend every second weekend

Show quote history

Be careful. When baby is a functioning child, will you want them with you, being properly looked after and able to do all their activities etc, or with man-child ex plonked in front of the TV? If he's so useless maybe better to let it just fizzle out?

marymungoNminge · 18/09/2023 14:52

mycoffeecup · 18/09/2023 14:49

TBH if he's such a man-child you don't want him that involved - I wouldn't push for more.

So the OP has to put up and shut up about his shit ways and she has to deal with everything on her own?

Original poster

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:53

@marymungoNminge exactly this. Thank you

OP posts:

mycoffeecup · 18/09/2023 14:57

marymungoNminge · 18/09/2023 14:52

So the OP has to put up and shut up about his shit ways and she has to deal with everything on her own?

Show quote history

It might save a lot of hassle later on. We see so much about useless fathers insisting that kids come when they don't want to.................if the OP says she'll only communicate directly with him, he'll probably be out of her life within 6 months and she'll be better off.

whatwasthatgrandma · 18/09/2023 14:58

marymungoNminge · 18/09/2023 14:52

So the OP has to put up and shut up about his shit ways and she has to deal with everything on her own?

Show quote history

OP has to live with the choices she made for herself, like everyone else. If you choose to have a baby with a man incapable of caring for that child, you can't be surprised that he is not caring for the child.
And you have no entitlement to child care from his parents.

midnightblue12 · 18/09/2023 14:58

Does the baby go ever other weekend, or just the second weekend in a month and then nothing more then the rest of the month?

Original poster

momistired · 18/09/2023 14:59

midnightblue12 · 18/09/2023 14:58

Does the baby go ever other weekend, or just the second weekend in a month and then nothing more then the rest of the month?

Every second weekend for 2 nights

OP posts:

Birch101 · 18/09/2023 18:24

What did you agree regarding custody.
In my mind if should be 50/50 so
Week A - Mon - through to Thursday morning (3nights)
Week B - Thursday morning through to Monday morning (4 nights)
His responsibility to arrange and pay for childcare if he is working.

Marchmount · 18/09/2023 18:44

So you’ve had a baby with an immature manchild and now expect his parents to step up and provide you more childcare?

Why do you want your daughter to be exposed to more time with people who have encouraged such pathetic behaviour from their own son? It’s almost like you’re happy for her to grow up to make the same poor choices as you have. His behaviour can’t have come as a shock to you but you chose to have a baby with this loser & are now exposing your daughter to the same sexist low standards. Aim higher for your children’s sake.

caringcarer · 18/09/2023 19:23

Every other weekend is fine but he could also add the week he doesn't usually see baby 1 mid week sleepover. He could collect baby say Wednesday after work and drop back Thursday evening. That would give you just a little bit of time with older DC. As your baby gets bigger, definitely suggest more contact.

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