Child party etiquette - should food be provided for parents too?

[CoalCraft]

We're planning a birthday party at a soft play place. The birthday package includes drinks and hot food for the kids, with platters for the adults available as an extra. Attending kids will be aged 2 - 4 so parents will obviously be staying. I say that we don't need to feed the adults and they can buy their own food if they're hungry (there's a cafe attached and prices are very reasonable), but DH says that's being bad hosts and we should make sure there's at least picky bits for the grown ups.

We've only been to one such party before, which was a BBQ at birthday child's house. Adults were given a burger / hot dog each so maybe DH has a point?

What's the general etiquette?

Nah. I've never had food provided at a party. At a village hall type one there is always loads leftover and adults help themselves.

At a soft play I wouldn't expect to be given anything. But there's still always loads of leftovers so.any hungry adults can have that.

I'd probably offer to get a round of coffees in.

Never had adult food provided at a soft play party. You just buy your own from the cafe if you want. One party had a tab for hot drinks for parents which was nice, but I wouldn't expect to eat myself at a soft play party, especially on which is 2-4 as that isn't a time I would be eating anyway. I would just buy a coffee.

What time is the party? If it's over lunchtime then you definitely need to provide food. Even if not, I'd still provide a few picky bits and water plus tea/coffee if possible. Round here the parties almost always include booze for the parents too but I understand that's not usual on MN 🤷

No. I'd provide drinks during hot weather, but nothing otherwise. When we've been to parties, adults get to have a sandwich when the children have finished, from the food that would otherwise be wasted.

I would always provide food for the adults!!!
People making an effort to come to your party, a bit of snack (as simple as hummus, veggie sticks, cheese etc) doesn't cost much. Yes, it is for the children but parents should have fun too!
Don't see the point in hosting if people don't actually enjoy it.

I always offer parents food (tray of sandwiches, crisps etc) - very little gets eaten by English people, a fair amount by others who are perhaps a bit more switched on to accepting hospitality like that. We end up eating sandwiches for days! But I can't imagine hosting people and not offering like that.

Thanks for feedback so far.

I'm not sure what time it will be yet - that's another thing we have to decide. If we hold it over lunch then I'm much more inclined to provide food for the adults.

Regardless, I like the idea of providing hot drinks to parents. Will chat to venue and see if this can be arranged on a tab system as above.

Not at a soft play, no.

We've always just got ourselves something from the cafe at soft play parties.

I would never expect food to be prepared for me! Adults can just feed themselves before or after.

If it's at a softplay they can just grab a coffee while they're there.

Oh sorry thought the party was 2-4! Most soft play parties here are 10-12ish or 2-4, so they don't tend to run over lunch. So I wouldn't be eating at one generally.

At home parties are different, I would expect adults to just eat the same stuff as the kids if there are sandwiches, etc. out. But soft play parties are often lunchboxes for the kids, almost every one we go to is lunchboxes now, buffet style ones aren't that popular. If it's buffet style then parents will just take stuff after kids have eaten if there's leftovers, and there usually is.

I wouldn't expect any food for adults at a soft play party. 3 dc between 15 and 6, I must have been to dozens over the years- never once seen it so definitely not the norm ime.

I've been to a few where a community centre has been hired and DJ/clown/magician etc. These have clearly been self catered with buffet put on and it was common for adults to be told to grab a plate.

Our local sports centre throws football/multi sports parties and there's free tea and coffee urns for adults with those. That always seems like a lovely extra but I'd never expect food.

Booze at softplay?

At a soft play or similar venue no but I’ve been to ones in a hall where they’ve done hot drinks and handed out cakes etc to parents, that was quite nice. Absolutely do not expect it though, most parents end up eating to copious amounts of food left over from the kids!

I've been to parties at soft play with nibbles for the parents. I'd say about 80% of parties have food for the parents (including booze). We've always provided booze and nibbles. I think for our school, the parties are seen as for the parents to catch up just as much as the dc. Its an affluent area and the parents usually work ft so parties are the only time some of them see other parents. And the cost isn't an issue for most of us.

Personally, I say do it mid-morning - literally hate kids parties over lunch time because it just messes up the day with naps etc for the young ones - it really annoys me, maybe a bit too much 😂

But, doing it mid-morning avoids the issue of food for adults, but the hot drinks tab is a nice idea.

But, if it had to be over lunch time I personally would add extra platters for adults to pick at too.

I'd love to see the look on the face of our soft play's management if I turned up with bottles of booze at 10am

Are our soft plays missing a trick by not being licensed?!

We did parties at home mostly (I loathed soft play) but if parents were expected to stay, we catered for them. I didn't like the idea of adults standing around watching the children eat, it felt inhospitable to me and much nicer for there to be enough for everyone.

I’m be been to hundreds of kids party’s, at activities, soft play, halls and at home.

Only ever had a tab for hot drinks once, and food is only for the kids, but once they’ve finished any leftovers are fair game for adults.

I’d be extremely surprised at a soft play party to be catered for.

If you do it over lunch then yes provide food but really I’d go for Saturday afternoon (mornings often involve clubs and classes) and don’t worry about food for adults. I’ve very rarely seen ot provided unless at houses and once the kids have finished the adults normally pick at what’s left from my experience

Thanks everyone. My thinking currently is that if we hold it over lunch, we'll provide food for adults, otherwise we won't (though adults will be welcome to kids' leftovers of course!).

Either way, we'll work out a tab system for parents to have hot drinks on us.

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's a bit odd to have booze at a soft play! 😅

A couple near me are (attached to leisure centres with cafe bars). I don’t blink at seeing adults have a drink at them at afternoon parties but I did do a double take at the dad having a beer halfway through a 10-12 party! Just me probably though 😂

OP, the only soft play parties I’ve been to are 10 - 12 or 2 - 4ish like a Pp so I’ve never been catered for. They always seem to put on sandwiches, crisps, snacks for the kids (as it’s not unusual for preschool kids to have an 11.30 lunch or a 3.30 tea) but I’ve never had food or drinks provided for me as an adult and I’d be surprised if there were. The only time I’ve been fed or given a drink is at parties hosted at people’s houses which are often more like a grown up day party/bbq with extra stuff for the kids (bouncy castle, entertainer etc).

Great question.

I think having a packet of chocolate biscuits and a bag or two of kettle chips can be a nice gesture to parents. It's what we did at a soft play party, mainly because I get hungry watching the kids eat all that nice party food!

But equally I've been to parties where there is nothing for the grown ups and that's not a problem.

Parents are pretty much optional catering wise!

DD went to loads of soft play type parties when she was small and I don't ever remember food being provided for the adults. Hot drinks were paid for at some but usually the food was provided by the venue and the party hosts provided cake which adults might also have shared.

At a party at soft play where the centre is catering for the kids I would not expect to be fed. As others have said, a hot drink tab is nice but I wouldn't be affronted if one wasn't provided.

Again another thread that makes me feel like I live is a different world to lots of MN'ers. I don't get pearl-clutchy about evening wedding invites or paid bars at weddings either, the horror!

Around here, soft play parties set up tabs for adult hot drinks, but if they want more food than picking at the kids leftovers then there’s obviously the cafe they can use.

At hall or home parties, hot and cold drinks are put on, and then some snacks (pretzels, biscuits) etc for the parents to nibble on, but not full meals.