For context, she’s recently had an autism diagnosis, and has been receiving mental health support from CAMHS for 3 years. History of self harming, emotional dysregulation, very recently been put on antidepressants, and is having DBT treatment.
I’d like to say I’m thoroughly shocked and surprised, but I’m not. She was stuffing socks down her bra in yr7, posting ridiculous come-to-bed eyes photos in yr 8 and last year caused an absolute scandal by exchanging nudes with a boy in school. She’s always been 5 going on 15 and now she’s 15 going on 25. Always wanted to be “grown up”. In the past year I’ve had to explain to her to wear a bra round the house, to make sure she’s wearing pants before sitting with her legs open, not to walk around naked when my boyfriend is round 🤦🏻♀️ Stuff like that. Basically been sexualising herself for years which I’ve done my best to address with help of therapists etc.
I’m sure her autism plays a role, not recognising social norms and what’s acceptable/age appropriate, and her self esteem has always been low combined with overall low mood, which likely leads to poor decisions and a desire to be liked and wanted.
She’s such an intelligent girl in many ways but emotionally I’m sure she’s quite backward. So desperate to be an adult and convinced she knows everything but actually lacks capacity to deal with emotional challenges. Friendships fail, a new crush every couple of weeks, she’s dumped two boyfriends because they didn’t want to be sexually active (she’s so sure she’s “ready”) yet then complains about men being sex pests perverts abusers and pedos who objectify her and women in general.
I knew this revelation would come one day but Jesus it’s just one thing after another with her these last year or so. Every time I think it can’t get any worse and bam she hits me with something worse. Obviously first thing I’m doing this week is calling doctors to get her on contraception asap.
Part of me is glad she told me but given her mental state/illnesses diagnosed and undiagnosed, I’m very concerned and saddened that she feels like this is the way to go about life at age 15. She’s very vulnerable, desperate to be an adult and headed for disaster.
I just don’t get it. Why is she doing this? Because she’s autistic? Because she’s got some undiagnosed mental illness? Because she’s got massive abandonment issues after 10 year no contact with her dad? She just isn’t the child I’ve brought up at all and it’s not something she’s learned from me. For the record she has a 13 yo sister who is polar opposite, loves her baggy t shirts, tomboyish, not into hair and make up, just wants to have a good time with her mates and in no rush to grow up at all. Also a 12 yo brother who is just like a regular 12 yo, plays on his Xbox, enjoys football and days out, no mental health issues for either of them (yet).
I’ve told her I appreciate her honesty but it’s a lot to take in and i need time to process it but right now I just need to vent and receive a little support myself as I’m at a bit of a loss.