four year olds and friendships - would someone come and give me some advice and experiences please?

[harpsichordcarrier]

dd1 just started in reception, she will be five in May. I am a little concerned that she seems to play mostly with one boy and one girl, and formed a little group with them, rather than mixing with the larger group.
I don't know if this is normal or not, or even if I have the wrong end of the stick. I suppose at preschool she seemed to play with a wider range of children.
am I being a bit paranoid? do I need to relax a bit about it?

If you are concerned have a chat with her teacher. My DD (also in reception) has a "best" friend that she seems to play with a lot. There are many children in her class she says she doesn't really play with and only a handful she does talk about. The hardest thing for me at this age is extracting the information about school from them in the first place.

has formed a group with them
not that this is the time for pedantry

did she already know the children she plays with from preschool? my ds is in year 1 now, but initially stuck to the 5 or 6 children he'd know from nursery. he's sociable & outgoing but i think just found it reassuring to spend more time with people he already knew. now he knows all the big scary year 6s . she'll be fine imo .

She is very young and at the moment may feel safer with a couple that she knows, I would think she would widen her circle as she gains in confidence. Could you invite different children home to tea?

thanks McDreamy.
yes I was thinking about talking to the teacher but tbh I hardly ever see her
I don't want to make a fuss and a problem when there isn't one, really....

interestingly, the two children are two she didn't know from preschool, although there are lots and lots of children in her class she knows from preschool.
I have invited a couple of children back for tea, but I worry that I will speak to the parents and the children won't want to come

I have 2 dds. dd1 (now 6) has always had lots of friends and mixes very well, she is very socialable and is always asking can so and so come for tea..... in total about 10 of her school friends are regular visitors. She enjoys playing with children of all ages and takes very easily to adults. In contrast dd2 (just coming up to 4) is very different. She has one very close friend and two other friends at pre-school. She is happy with just the 3 of them and doesn't really join in with bigger groups. They are also very different in that dd1 always want someone to play with (child or adult) but dd2 is happy playing alone.

I guess what I am saying is that all children and different and this includes their social preferences. If you think she needs a little help in widening her groups of friends perhaps you could suggest asking some other children in her class for playdates etc..

give them sushi. and cake. .

perfectly normal ime.

are they divided into groups for activities in class do you know? in which case might be worth checking with teacher to see if this other boy/girl are in the same group as her or whether she is doing activities in class with other children and her best friends are generally all together at play time.

My ds has one definite best friend who he plays with at break times, but for activities they are in totally different groups so are then forced to interact with other children. Our reception teacher tries to do this deliberately so that children don't become too dependent on one friendship.

hoxton, good plan
yes of course you are right, cardy. interestingly, dd2 is like your dd2, very outgoing and forms relationships very easily. dd1 just seems very confident but of course that doesn't mean she needs to be the centre of everything. she is probably quite happy enough.
I just want her to be happy

yes thanks for that wannabe, I think you put your finger on it. I don't want her to be too dependent on one friendship.
her bf is, unfortunately, in the year below and still at preschool. I know she really misses her as they were inseparable and I don't want her to go through that again for whatever reason.

it is hard when they're at school harpsi, they have this whole separate life. i didn't like letting go at all. so am good friends with all the mums now .

ds is 3.5 and has formed a "best friends" group with 3 other little boys, but he does join in with group activities when put into groups in class etc. When left to do "free play" though, the friends group together.

ds has also said "so and so only ever plays with such and such" about a few of his classmates, so I guess that's normal too.

If she seems happy and otherwise settled I guess it's OK

I really wouldn't worry too much [really not being a patronising older mum emoticon].

IME they form and break and reform and forge new friendships with breathtaking speed over the first few school years.

Of Ds1's 'bestest' friends in reception, one is still his best mate; the other really isn't. For example...

Absolutly. My dd2 is quietly confident and happy (I assume) however when she does start school in Sept I do hope that she'll make new friends and not just stick to her 'best' friend who will be in the same class. Sometime I think I should make more effort in inviting more children her age to play.

harpsi my DD never formed close friendships at 4 - she seemed to flit from one child to the next on a daily basis! She's very confident and outgoing and I worried that she wouldn't have close friends. She's 8 now and absolutely fine.

DS is 4 on Friday and has a group of 4 friends who he regularly plays with at nursery - I'm pleased that recently he's coming home saying "new" names

What I'm trying to say is that we, as mums, worry about everything, my DC were opposites at that age and I worried

thanks everyone, you have all been most reassuring!