Leaving baby with grandparents?

[LivinTheDream7]

Because one of my previous posts on here made it onto a news website and caused a stir, I am asking any journalists that might be reading this: pleaseeee for our sake do not post this story as an article anywhere. It doesn’t help anyone and can cause arguments where family otherwise would not even know the post existed!

back to my question:
Just curious on when everyone else found it was a good time to leave their baby with either set of their grandparents for an evening?

Our son is just over 9 weeks old and to say it’s been difficult adjusting to parenting would be an understatement! Friends of ours have left their baby with her grandparents the odd time overnight since around 5 weeks old which we just personally haven’t been able to do - not judging them at all btw, it works for them and that’s great! We just feel like we’re still getting into the swing of it and adjusting, we’ve been stressed about leaving him with anyone else, so anytime before now would’ve been far too early for us. I still have some doubts about leaving him with anyone else, I just feel like I’d be too worried about him. My own parents are great, I feel they’d be fine with him. My husbands parents are… another story. They try to interfere a lot, try to push for things that they used to do with their babies, try to follow us for nappy changes, insert their opinions all the time, try to tell us what we should or shouldn’t do, it feels very judgy from them. I haven’t felt comfortable with them since they saw our baby two days after he was born and they kept hold of him while he was screaming and told us “he needs to get used to other people, you can’t hold him all the time” when we were distressed hearing him crying. We got him back but it made me have a bit of a breakdown when we got home that night.

I feel awkward about leaving our son with the in-laws because of all of this, but also feel nervous to leave him with anyone at the minute. I just feel like we need a bit of a break - he’s not spent a minute away from us, there’s been at least one of us with him at all times so we haven’t had even a couple of hours without him. I feel like overnight is still too early for us still but wondering if a few hours with my parents might be okay? When did everyone else feel comfortable leaving their babies with grandparents just for an evening out for dinner?

I first left mine at 6 weeks while I popped out to the pictures. He slept the whole time.

If you trust your parents I’d leave him at 9 weeks with them while I went to dinner.

I left my 10 week old son with my sister for almost 24 hours while I attended a wedding. Mind you, she was one of maybe 3 people I would have trusted!!

It really boils down to your trust level. I know when my kids have kids they’ll be wanting to leave them with me asap as I’m the baby whisperer 😂. I’m a child care provider and am really good with babies, but not everyone is!

Trust your own judgement.

Oh and my best friend dropped her 6 week old baby off with me as she was struggling and needed a break so I kept him overnight. I was only 33 at the time though.! I wouldn’t leave a baby that’s waking up during the night with older people unless they were really keen to do it. I wouldn’t do it now, so no overnights for my grandkids until they sleep reliably!

We left DD at nearly 9 weeks. I was so envious of our antenatal friends who had been having drinks and meals out when their babies were younger, so I agreed with DH that I would be ok going out for a meal. Sobbed the whole way there in the car. DD was fine, slept the whole time. We had a lovely meal - first people in the restaurant because I had wanted to get our order in and be out quickly, but in the end stayed behind for an extra drink. I was dreading it, but I think it was good for me. I couldn’t have left her with my in-laws though. It absolutely depends on your relationship with the people you are leaving in charge.

Thank you! I feel like I could 100% trust my parents because no matter what we say our rules are, they stick to them. Even if they don’t agree or did things differently with their kids, they understand that it’s our baby and what we say goes. Whereas his parents are very pushy for what they used to do and honestly I don’t trust them with him alone yet. His mum has made many comments about how they used to give their babies baby rice (I think??) because they were hungry at four months old. I just wouldn’t put it past them to do whatever they wanted while they had him, me and my husband are already worried that they’ll probably try to take away some of our baby’s “firsts” like trying to get him to take his first steps with them or first words, that’s the kind of people they are so it’s bloody difficult! 🤦🏽‍♀️

I’m glad that nine weeks doesn’t seem too early - I think I am just paranoid 😂

We left DD with my parents for 2hrs whilst we went out for lunch at around 15weeks. We potentially would have been ready sooner but they live 300miles away so it was more about coordinating visits etc. Lunch is a good way to start i think as less pressure than dinner / overnight and its daytime so easier to go out for a walk if she wouldnt settle etc. If you feel ready for it, then I'd say go for it! 😊

It seems v early to me for you to both be away from him, but I think that's just proof you have to do what works for you.

We left DD with in-laws for a couple of hours at about 6weeks. Went out for dinner for mine/DH's birthdays and scurried back. Found DD snuggled up asleep on Grandad's chest - he'd got over his fear of the tiny little baby!

My mum looked after him when he was 10 days old so we could go out for a meal and then at 3 weeks old as we have a tickets for a comedy evening. She reguarly watched him since then and put him to bed no bother. At 3 months old, the other set took him for a sleepover. No ill effects and a great bonding experience for everyone.

There's no too early for being away from your baby, I really can't stand mums being judged and shamed for wanting a bit of a break or a few hours away. For me it was important my son built up attachments as well with other members of our family.

My parents took DD for a walk around town in the pram when she was a week old, they were gone an hour and a half to give my partner and me a break to rest. She was completely fine! She's been great in other people's company since day 1. I think I struggled much more than she did.

She's still a newborn so can't imagine doing overnight apart yet but I think it's completely up to how you feel about it and how well your baby deals being away from you. From your post I wouldn't be leaving them with the in laws at all unless you really need to.

Sounds like you need a break, so maybe write down all the positives and negatives - sometimes seeing things on paper can help to make a decision

It's entirely up to you when you feel ready to leave your baby. I didn't have any family to leave my baby with so it didn't happen but I didn't judge any of my friends who did.

Just do what you feel comfortable with.

About 6 weeks

If you are comfortable with your parents, get them to take him for a couple hours (even if you’re having a nap) and build up over a couple weeks to an overnight.

You need a break by the sounds of it

leave the in laws out of it for now

Never. My mum wouldn’t have them 🤷‍♀️

You carried him op. You braved the labour.
You get to decide when you are comfortable leaving your dc. Not mil. Or fil. Or even dh.

Or suggest you will buy mil a reborn doll for bloody Christmas if she wants to play House. You will be told she raised dh blah blah blah and he is fine. So much health and safety wise has changed. Her previous ways prob aren't suitable given she kept a newborn from it's dm for her own needs. Bitch imo.

Never been apart from my son and he's 17 months. Well one time I had to go to hospital or when I've been to work but that doesn't really count

The bit that stresses me out a lot with the in laws too is the fact that whenever we go to see them, they almost try to take over. I feel like they (especially FIL) regret certain things and are almost seeing our son as a do over? Like I said, trying to keep hold of him when he was two days old and laughed at us getting stressed by it - and not just a regular cry, he was SCREAMING likely because he had no bloody clue who he was with, then we were told he needs to get used to it. Like, no he doesn’t, he’s been out of my womb two days and has no clue who you are, give him the fuck back?? I don’t know anyone who WANTS to hold a baby, especially a newborn, when they’re crying, they just want their parents?

or we go out of the way for nappy changes because I find it stressful changing a nappy with an audience, and don’t see why our baby isn’t entitled to some kind of privacy. Almost every time we leave the room to change him at theirs, they follow and try to “help” which ends up with about four extra hands just getting in the way.

Or our son cried a few weekends back at theirs while sitting with MIL’s mum, my husband got up to take him back and MIL said “oh give him to grandad, he’ll sort him out” ??? No he won’t, he doesn’t know you, he’s nine weeks old and has met you about 4 times. He wants his parents ffs.

I just worry that they wouldn’t listen to what we tell them to do or not do with him, I wouldn’t put it past them to try and feed him something because “we used to start weaning onto food at 12 weeks back when DH was born” yes, nearly 28 years ago hun, things have changed. They also used to use lead paint in toys, but don’t now 🙃🙂

Don't forget leaving pram with dc in outside shops!

Literally this! Like, so many things they used to do aren’t recommended now, but I really worry that she would do things behind our back and be like “well it never hurt my kids”. I feel so protective over our son every bloody time we leave their house, they get me right on edge and so stressed out. I always leave feeling like I never want anyone else to ever touch my child. They almost hog him, try to keep him awake, keep putting their faces in his and being loud when he’s trying to sleep, they’ve got no bloody consideration for him. I get it’s exciting to have a grandchild but Jesus; my parents don’t do any of that so why the hell do his?!

I went and got my hair done when dd was two or three weeks as she'd been premature and Id an unexpected extra long stay in hospital and my roots were atrocious so my mum felt sorry for me (DH had to work) and took her for two or three hours. DD is almost 11 and my mum still hasn't ever had her overnight so if you have parents or in laws who are willing to take the baby to give you a break then jump at it.

There isn't a 'right' or 'wrong' time. It is when you are happy.

I mean, I personally can't understand the people who martyr themselves and say they have NEVER left their child with anyone, and their child is 10 yrs old. I seriously think that is an unhealthy situation which helps no-one.
But there is no rush, or race to leave your child earlier than someone else you know.

Overall, like most things in life, it makes a lot of sense to do things gradually.
Leave baby with your Mum while you nip to a local shop. Then perhaps leave her whilst you do the supermarket shop. Then perhaps leave her while to and dh go for a pub lunch or an early tea somewhere. So you are only going to be gone 90mins. Build up to an evening.

Think about when your baby is quite settled, and when they are harder work. So many babies need a lot of feeding in the evening, so that might be more worry for you leaving them, than going out for lunch.

But also it depends on how much you need to be somewhere else.
With one of my dc I'd had tooth problems and not wanted treatment when pregnant, so went about a week after giving birth, so left baby with my Mum for the duration of that treatment at less than a week old.
As someone said, they really needed a haircut. It might be you want to go to a funeral or to a really close friend's wedding. All those things give you more 'need' to go out than "just" going out for no reason.

Popping to the shops: 3/4 weeks.
Dinner (where I couldn’t just drop and run): 6/7 months (when we moved onto solids so knew parents could fulfil his needs, was EBF), I’d have been stressed knowing that he might need feeding.
Overnight: 10 months.

All that said, DC2 (also EBF) will be 15 weeks when we have a dinner planned. But the restaurant is 5 minute walk from the house.

It depends on you and your family. My eldest is 5 and she's never stayed overnight with gps. I can't think of a time when she's stayed with them for short periods either. For quite a long time it was because we felt she would be more settled in her bedtime routine with us (I bf until she was 3.5) so it was just more reliable that way. She sleeps perfectly fine now, so there's no reason she couldn't stay at gps, but we have a younger baby now who doesn't settle well or sleep through and bfs, so there's no point having babysitting for the older one as we can't really go out because of the younger one.

DH and I have never had an evening out together since our 5yo was born, but we're not very sociable and like to keep evening routines consistent. It doesn't feel like being a martyr as I'd just rather be at home with the dc while they're young. I didn't really have a break from the eldest until she started nursery at age 2y3m, but I didn't feel the need for it either, I liked having her with me and would just go and do most of my favourite activities (like gallery visits and lunches out) with her in tow.

I lived with my mum for my first so I guess she became the second carer naturally. However I was always around until my DD was about 2 months old and I went back to study and so she was with my mum twice a week for half the day. I found it so so difficult but in the long run I’m glad I did it.

I completely understand how you must feel about the in laws because me and my mum had such different styles and that drove me mad. I think at such a young age only leave them with people you completely trust and that will respect your wishes.

I don’t think 9 weeks is too early for a few hours If you really need a break. Newborns are tough.