Why is two SO hard

[Abfab63]

I'm just after some reassurance that I'm not the only one here... but I am finding having two children (DD2.5, DS1.5) so unbelievably hard. I hope I don't need to caveat this with I obviously adore my children, love them to death etc etc. It's the actual parenting part I'm struggling with, not them.

After having my first DD I can honestly say it felt like a walk in the park compared to this. Obviously I've had two under two but I thought / was told it would get easier by now. They're growing up, they sleep through (but get up early), one is out of nappies, both are walking and they can sort of play together.

But I just feel constantly tired and drained, pulled in two different directions, I have no time for myself, no time BY myself, the noise is relentless, the mess is relentless. I'm putting on weight, skin looks crap, I'm eating rubbish.

I'm a SAHM and quite honestly I think I'd give up if I had to do all of the other house admin, cleaning onto of a job. I also can't afford to put them both in nursery but DD is there two mornings a week. My DP does a fair bit to help me outside of working FT but despite this im still struggling.

I can normally pick myself up each day and carry on but this morning I really shouted at my DD for waking up at 5.45am and going in DS room to wake him up and I feel AWFUL about it. It's a reflection of how frustrated I am and I feel like I took it out on her. She's such a happy, little soul and was just excited and I don't want her to remember me as some grumpy old mum who was always moaning at her.

I hear some people saying that two is easier than one and I just feel like HOW?! Am I doing something wrong here? The weeks just roll into the weekends and it's never ending. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel. Is this ever going to get easier?

I found a baby and toddler extremely hard and easily the hardest part of parenting. I found it gradually got easier and easier and mine have been quite easy and nice teenagers. (16 and 19)
So it's not just you.

Having been there, you just need to strip back expectations and just get through the day as best you can while it's really tough.

I don't like loud noise or shouting and I don't shout myself, my children don't shout either probably because I'm very quiet. Get out as much as you can, tire them out for the morning then stick a film on when you get home. Makes the day go much quicker.

I also get you with the eating unhealthily and also letting the house get more messy as I'm just so knackered at the end of the day I just want to slob. Make sure you're getting enough sleep and downtime to recharge a bit. Just lower your expectations there's plenty of time to sort your diet and house out, these hard times will pass and then you'll have more time to focus on that stuff.

You're at the hardest ages in my opinion. Once they are in school honestly your life will be completely different to how it is now and you'll look back and wonder how you ever did it.

It does get easier but not yet! With 2 under 3 you're still very much in the trenches. IMO it gets easier when your youngest turns 3yo.

Nursery fees aren’t solely your problem. I’d look into some part time work at least to keep your hand in, especially as an unmarried SAHM, you’re putting yourself in a precarious position and your 2.5 year old will be able to benefit from the 30 hours soon.

I think it is the tiny age gap tbh. Mine are 5 and 1 and although it's hard work, most of the time I'm only dealing with the 1yo on my own as the 5yo is at school. Then in the evenings and weekends DH is here. I had them both with me through the summer holidays and I could barely get anything done! My 5yo is still fairly independent though so I can let her play in her own, or take them out to a playground and mostly focus on the 1yo. I know I would have struggled with two dcs without one being in school or at least nursery during the week.

Everyone with the smaller gaps say their dcs are closer though and can do more similar activities when they're older, so I think you just have to endure the harder years while they're young before kicking back and relaxing when they're over 4.

I’m dying on my arse with a 3 yo and a baby. It’s so so hard. Sure, the baby stage is much easier second time round but days of both together are awful. I literally have no idea how people find 2 easier than 1, and I’d say my baby is actually relatively average to easy (but not the 3 yo, he’s been difficult since birth)

Thanks all for taking the time to reply, it's nice to know I'm not alone which helps weather the storm. Hopefully it'll get a bit easier when dd gets the free hours and we can then put ds in for some time at nursery.

The day has actually been really enjoyable so I'm not feeling such bad mum guilt about it all Xx

@VivaVivaa ohhhh I feel ya. Two small ones should come with a warning 😂

My first was very easy and it set me up for a huge fall from grace with my second who has been pretty needy since day 1.

Same with mine. First dd was very chilled and a good sleeper. 2nd dd was very highly strung and a terrible sleeper. First dd suffered from my attention being taken with younger one. They both ended up absolutely fine though once we got through the hard early years.

I'm in awe of people with large families. They must have the serenity of a saint!

It's bloody hard work but it WILL improve.

This scares me op. I have an 11 month old and am 18 weeks pregnant. Shitting myself 😆

You never know, you might be one of those lucky ones who finds two a walk in the park.

If not, hopefully this will prepare you a bit and you won't have any unrealistic expectations like I did 😅

It's why I've only got one.

I know that might not seem helpful, but I've stuck at one because I know I'd find it too difficult with two. I'm sure it is very difficult.

It'll get easier once one is at school, surely.

It’s really hard now, but as they get older they will entertain each other and it gets much easier