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Original poster

Toddler asking to be picked up all the time

26 replies

abcdefghh · 15/09/2023 21:07

My son is 21mo and he loves to do things , walk or run around the house

he ran around most of a big park the other day had played football in his club in the morning

we had one morning of walking to nursery and now he just puts his arm up after like 5 mins and wants to be carried

I don’t think he’s tired, I think he just knows when he puts his arms up and threatens to throw a tantrum we’ll do it

Ive stupidly only just started using reins, I’ve been anxious and always had the buggy to hand because he runs and doesn’t like to be directed (throws a tantrum) so always would have the buggy to hand for public places

but now I’m worried have I made him lazy? I mean he doesn’t particularly like the buggy he wants carrying, not the buggy

or is it just a behavioural age thing he’ll grow out of? I am trying to stop responding to every ask to be picked up but in public places it’s hard because he’d throw a tantrum

OP posts:

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Riverlee · 15/09/2023 21:12

It is hard when they are demanding.

I used to say to mine they either had to hold my hand, hold the buggy, or go in the buggy.

Sometimes, however, you got to let them tantrum. Ie, don’t give in. I know that’s not easy in a public place (and can be embarrassing). I remember going to an indoor shopping centre (because I knew he couldn’t run onto a road), and had a couple of zero tolerance sessions. So if he tantrummed, he tantrummed, or ge went in the buggy or he walked.

Original poster

abcdefghh · 15/09/2023 21:20

@Riverlee yeah he’s very strong willed!

and I feel like he can walk but just wants to know we’d carry him. He doesn’t nap for long / takes ages to go down at bed time and doesn’t show signs of tiredness really so I’ve just come to the conclusion the picking up is behavioural

i like the idea of a shopping centre as being by roads or like open public places is why I’ve always had the buggy

OP posts:

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/09/2023 21:22

I just didn't carry, I didn't want to do my back in. Walk or buggy,those were the options.

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nrrf · 15/09/2023 21:25

My daughter is the same age and we have the exact same issue. Arms out, standing at my feet shouting ‘up up up’

I’ve been trying really hard to say ‘no’ more and distract her but the tantrums are intense.

amidsummernightsdream · 15/09/2023 21:29

It’s not lazy in my opinion, it’s age appropriate wanting you/ wanting comfort/ reassurance. However, it’s impossible to carry them the while time.

Around the age of your little one I did same as above - offer to hold hands or go in buggy and be strict with it so they know they are the only options. Usually she opted to hold hands, sometimes tantrum and I put her in buggy. I’d always try to explain why too.

At 2.5 it’s much less of an issue. I find if she asks now she is genuinely tired or wants a cuddle, so I do always offer her a cuddle and then hold hands and walk

Sometimes they just want to be close to you and I think it’s important to recognise that

Original poster

abcdefghh · 15/09/2023 21:33

@amidsummernightsdream thank you I mentioned the worry I’d made him lazy because I’m so anxious as a parent and I feel like when he’d just started walking did I not let him explore enough?

I do need to be firmer and power through. Because he’s walked to nursery before - he can do it. He’s ran around a big park. It just must be wanting to be close and also some walks are more boring at his age than others

OP posts:

Riverlee · 15/09/2023 21:37

Just remembered a supernanny type programme on tv. They used incentives. Ie. If they walked to the next lamppost they got a sticker, and if they got five stickers, a treat. Would something like that work?

Original poster

abcdefghh · 15/09/2023 21:40

@Riverlee this is quite good :) he’s still not understanding things fully so he does some bits but for example the other day I had to redirect him a few times (he hates this) and his reins were on (don’t think he enjoys these) and I tried to say oh if you walk for a bit we can have some raisins when you’re in (these are his favourite snack haha!

but he was so annoyed about me redirecting him etc he was in a tizz and I give in and picked him up

good idea I will try again when he walks and is calm before he gets annoyed about me stopping him going into the road lol

OP posts:

N4ish · 15/09/2023 21:41

I don’t think it’s laziness, I think it’s about wanting physical closeness and reassurance. If possible I would say go with it if you can as trying to stop it is likely to make this phase last longer.

Obviously realise that it’s not always possible to carry a heavy toddler around!

NuffSaidSam · 15/09/2023 21:41

He's not lazy, he's just a tiny child!

Walking to nursery everyday is boring. Running round the park is fun. That's why the difference.

Just put him in the buggy when you actually need to get somewhere and let him walk when you have more time/he can explore.

amidsummernightsdream · 15/09/2023 21:43

Sounds like you’re a really thoughtful mum OP and doing a great job

Thing is with toddlers there is no sense to them sometimes and will happily do something one day and kick off the next

I think you’re at the worst age for this and will get better in the next few months. So try not to sweat it too much and just do whatever works in the moment

and anticipate that sometimes you just cant win with toddlers and you will end up wrestling them in the buggy/ dealing with the tantrum/ breaking your back carrying them home.

but it’s totally normal and does get better

Mum2jenny · 15/09/2023 21:43

That’s what toddlers do. Just pick them up and carry them or put them a a baby board attached to the pram

Wnikat · 15/09/2023 21:44

He’s still a baby. I still carried mine in a sling most places at that age.

SErunner · 15/09/2023 21:52

At that age they really don't walk far. I wouldn't expect so much of him. I would however insists on either walking with reins on or in the buggy, no carrying if you've got the buggy with you. We only carry our daughter if we don't have the buggy. Since she's turned 2 she's started walking a lot more, she will walk for up to 45-50 mins now fairly happily (and very slowly 😂). Be careful what you wish for!

Needmorelego · 15/09/2023 21:58

He's not yet 2 years old - put him in the buggy.
He can scream and tantrum in the buggy if he's in that kind of mood - but at least you can still get to where you need to be.

gamerchick · 16/09/2023 06:18

Yup it was walk or buggy here.

2 yr old is not a baby though. Sling as long as you want but they're not babies.

Fiddlesticks25 · 16/09/2023 07:57

Meh, I don't think you need to be worried. Walking along the pavement is boring (unless you stop every 30 seconds to look at a leaf/ant/whatever). Carry him if you can/want, otherwise tell him that your arms hurt and he has to go in the buggy. He'll protest but that's what toddlers do.

Reugny · 16/09/2023 08:16

They do get tired for a few minutes to an hour then recover and go again.

If you don't want to carry him then put him in the buggy. He will soon decide whether he would prefer to walk.

Does he have any interest in cars? As if he does it may be slightly easier to explain about being run over. I use to babysit various children and those were the easiest to teach road sense to. I actually put my DD on a balance bike at that age, one which I could carry with one hand, as her interest in cars meant it was easier to teach her not to go in the road. On the other hand I still remember one child who even at 7 I had to instinctively snatch her back as she was veering towards the road.

MigGirl · 16/09/2023 08:24

At this age my son would still be carried in a sling. I think some people expect them to do grown yp things to soon. My son loved a cuddle so loved to be carried, my daughter didn't and would walk or go in the pushchair. They are all different and it's not spoiling them to meet there needs at this age.

He may not be a baby anymore but he's still very little and won't always understand things. There are more important things to have a battle over.

Toddler101 · 16/09/2023 09:41

When did you last have his feet measured for new shoes? That's when mine started asking for ups a lot more than usual - not that they were lazy but because their feet hurt but couldn't put it in words.

roarrfeckingroar · 16/09/2023 10:30

My almost 3 year old still does this 😩

Totaly · 16/09/2023 10:39

I had twins and couldn’t carry them both. Their only choice was to walk. You are right they can do it.

Bob down and offer a hug. And tell him walk or buggy in a happy voice - almost as if you don’t understand the him wanting to be carried.

Kids need to know No means no … otherwise you are setting them up for failure.

Imagine a scenario where you really mean no, and he thinks if he does x you’ll change your mind by having a tantrum?

You also need to explore why you feel him having a tantrum is bad? As a parent seeing a toddler having a strop - my only thought is ‘I remember those days’

It’s normal and not embarrassing.

Original poster

abcdefghh · 16/09/2023 12:46

Thank you everyone! Really helpful replies. Tried a walk today and did the buggy or walk rule and he did amazing. Walked then got in the buggy for a little of it - no carrying!👏🏼 I don’t know if I mentioned I’m pregnant which is why I want to lessen the lots of carrying as I’m starting to feel muscle ache on my belly and old c section scar so I do want to lessen carrying when I can tell he just wants me to rather than genuine tired

The shoe observation is good we do need an updated measurement and I noticed his newest shoes (I sized up by accident) he wakes great in, but the size down which we thought was his size he doesn’t want to walk loads in them. Bare foot or socks he’s fine but of course can’t outside😂 so I will definitely prioritise a foot measuring!!

and thanks for the reassurance on tantrums :) I feel evil if I let him, my husband is very much you need to ride the storm so he learns and he needs to know ‘no’. DS knows as soon as he cries and does his sad face mummy gives in and cuddles him!! So I do need to toughen up a bit

OP posts:

SErunner · 16/09/2023 13:16

Well done! We had a few tricky walks when she wanted to be carried and we had the buggy with us, but we didn't cave and after a few times she got the message. She quite happily gets back in the buggy now when she's tired. Definitely a rule worth holding out on - pregnant or not they're too big to carry at this age!

Maray1967 · 16/09/2023 13:22

Needmorelego · 15/09/2023 21:58

He's not yet 2 years old - put him in the buggy.
He can scream and tantrum in the buggy if he's in that kind of mood - but at least you can still get to where you need to be.

Exactly this. Do not give in to this - if you do, all you’re teaching him is that he needs to tantrum and then he gets what he wants.

You are risking your back longer term if you’re constantly or even regularly carrying an almost 2 year old. Yes, pick up and give lots of cuddles - but not carrying him while you’re walking. Always take the buggy and strap him in if he don’t walk. If he kicks off, stay calm.

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