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Parenting

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Dad hasn’t contacted me since I had baby

7 replies

OhDearrrr · 15/09/2023 19:08

It’s always been an incredibly strained relationship. My dad has always struggled with alcoholism as well as narcissism (though he’d probably never admit to either, unless somehow forced to). Nothing has ever gotten physical, and I could go in-depth but all I need you to know is, I’ve got emotional trauma from my childhood I find hard to overcome.

I cut contact with him entirely a few years ago and was kind of forced to tell my dad I was pregnant beginning of 2021. My dad’s wife’s kids sent me a text saying they’d found out about the news and would tell him soon if I didn’t (yes, I absolutely can’t stand them, and that was another factor in cutting contact).

You may think; oh so what! Let the pricks tell him and who cares. Thing is, I always had a secret hope for him and thought a grandchild might soften him up and work for a relationship. So I texted him the news saying I wanted it to come from me. He said it was the happiest news ever and congratulations, all that jazz. Needless to say, my “baby” is almost 2 and there has been ZERO communication since then, from either. So I am completely done with him and actually sad and disappointed he couldn’t look past his ego to connect with his first and only grandchild.

I keep thinking; to leave it or to have my say? If it were you, would you leave it entirely and let it go, or write up a letter for a sense of conclusion? Bear in mind he’s probably incapable of seeing anything from my point of view, so it would be to gain inner peace in some sense. Although, not having anything acknowledged could also be quite hurtful.

Maybe some of you have similar experiences that’d help me make a decision.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/09/2023 19:12

Write everything you have ever wanted to say in a letter. The good, the bad, the ugly. Read it one time when you're done and then destroy it.

Don't ever contact him again. It won't help or change anything.

OhDearrrr · 15/09/2023 19:28

Not a bad shout @Aquamarine1029 , thanks for advice!

OP posts:
HereToRelate · 15/09/2023 19:43

Oh, that is a hard one. If it were me, I would probably let it go for now but definitely write down all your feelings, and then potentially reconsider in a few years' time. I wouldn't want something like that - which could massively blow up - to taint first few years' of my LO's life.

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caringcarer · 15/09/2023 20:12

Write it all down then burn it. He lost his chance.

Onlyforfun · 15/09/2023 22:19

caringcarer · 15/09/2023 20:12

Write it all down then burn it. He lost his chance.

I agree. That’s just awful

Romiii · 15/09/2023 22:23

Get a good therapist and share issues with him/her

stayathomer · 15/09/2023 22:28

The only thing is you cut contact. You don’t know what advice he’s gotten about giving you space etc. or maybe the way you told him said to him you were telling him but that was it. It’s not always as simple as he doesn’t care (just putting it out there, my family had a big hole in it for years that was a result of misunderstanding after misunderstanding)

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