Is my attitude towards parenting the weird one?

[redroseroo]

We have a 16 month old. She does typical toddler things - throwing things off her highchair, gets frustrated when we don't do what she wants, etc.

My partner has started crediting himself for "how well he tolerates her behaviour", essentially meaning how he doesn't shout at her when she's doing these things. I by no means think that she "can't do wrong", but I don't lambast her for what she does because I understand she's not doing it maliciously/intentionally, and that she is often trying to communicate something to us, instead I try to guide her to what is appropriate behaviour and model it myself.

He makes out that I'm the abnormal one with the way I choose not to discipline our toddler. FWIW our niece (2) get shouted at for absolutely everything, including accidentally falling over and hurting herself.

Is it me that's weird?

Who in their right mind thinks shouting at a child of that age is ever ok?
Of course you're not weird. Behaviour is communication. Don't punish communication. You're the adults, it's your job to figure out what she's needing.

I think you’re conflating too many issues here. Your toddler is behaving developmentally appropriately, so you’re right there, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t discipline.

And nobody should be shouting either.

Discipline is about teaching and learning, punishment is about power and control.

So you absolutely should be disciplining, and that includes everything from redirection to distraction to role modelling.

As normal as throwing is, you should be dealing with it. You don’t need to be shouting or saying no (overuse of the word renders it meaningless) but you should simply explain we don’t throw and if the behaviour continues remove said item.

Toddlers have no impulse control so it will happen again, but that doesn’t mean you don’t action the behaviour.

I would also look at activities you can do in the trajectory schema so little one has an appropriate output for her desire to throw.