How do I get my 15month ds to obey?

[Ags]

I have a sweet and wonderful 15 month old ds. He is a joy, sleeps well, eats relatively well is running around, saying loads of words and has a great fun nature. HOWEVER, he does not obey when we say no. Some examples of this would be, do not shake your water bottle over the carpet, don't pull the balls off the christmas tree, don't pull the books off the book shelves. We have set up the house to be as child friendly as possible so there is very little that we have to police but even so he seems to find those things that we don't want him to do the most interesting. What methods have you used to help your child understand what not to do. He knows that these things are not allowed (it is obvious from his reaction) but will still do them at every opportunity. This is not driving me crazy yet but I don't want to bring up a child who will not do what he is told. Any suggestions gratefully received. Thanks. By the way I try the eye contact thing and repeating slowly what he is not to do but he just struggles to run off.

Hey, if you find out the answer you'll be a millionaire!!!

Sorry, it's just pushing the boundaries and you just have to keep doing what you are doing till it sinks in!

That is good to know. Sometimes I worry in case I should be doing something else. Thanks for the reply.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound flippant by the way. It's just that he sounds perfectly normal and you are doing the right thing - you just have to keep going, keep saying no firmly and try to get him to put things back with you when he's pulled them out.

It's very difficult. I'm quite strict about saying no etc but ds1 who is 3 yrs 9 months blatantly disobeys me still and I've no idea where I'm going wrong. He's generally really good but sometimes he just thinks it's funny!

Ags...are you me,absentmindedly posting in one of my exhausted "vacant" moments????!!!!!
OMG, you have just described DS down to a T!!!
16months and exsactly the same...exsactly!
I am consistent in my reprimands,try to use tone of voice, rather than volume.
Addittionally i think it wise to simply avoid conflict and avoid the issue by moving stuff off the tree so he cant reach. Im considering moving the tree completely out of temptations way. I did give him several items off the tree to handle as he is inquisitive and it is all brand new to him. However, i think that indirectly this has caused him to think that this was permission to man handle them whenever the mood (and curiosity) takes him!
The biggest problem i have is that he climbs onto the coffee table which (stupidly) has a glass/wooden top. Im scared to death that he will fall through this. This has proven to be a complete battle of wills between the two of us. Today, i pretended not to notice, got up and left the room. Gave him no eye contact and said nothing. Seconds later, he came trotting in after me. I chatted to him about something completely unrelated and it was easier than marching over and removing him from the table or repeatedly demanding he get down. (when he does get down i make a huge fuss about him bieng a good boy etc)
I truly truly do not believe that they are doing this to be wilfully disobedient. They are testing the waters, trying out new ways of gaining attention and exherting an independance which does not necissarily need to be quashed.
TBH, i have no problem him pulling the books off the shelves as the bottom 3 shelves are his filled with his books. This is just something that he does. We put them back when he is in bed.
I feel personally that although it is never too young to teach right from wrong, at 15/16/17/18 months they are far far too young to be "disciplined" as such because they do not understand what it is they are doing wrong.
They know that some things that they do will provoke a reaction but cannot comprehend "naughty" or "disobedient". In the grand scheme of things, there is a time when they develop a concience and will fully understand what is acceptable behaviour. This however is a long way off.
I suppose my point is, you are not raising a child who will not do as he is told, you are raising a mischievous, funny little fella who is learning every single day all that you teach him, dont get too stressed about it, its perfectly normal behaviour....sent to drive US crazy!!!!!
ps thanks for posting this, its made me think carefully and try to make logic of an ilogical situation. ie why wont he just do as i tell him?!

No time to read this through properly, but from your original post, your ds sounds like mine although mine is 22 months old. He is my fourth so I don't worry so much about him. It isn't that your ds is going to grow up a complete rebel, he is just testing boundaries. Try to be consistent, stay calm, and it may help to physically take him away from whatever you don't want him doing to reinforce your message. Otherwise, expect this to continue for at least a year or more!

Not surprised, i did go on didnt i, getting on my own nerves!!!!
Sorry, its just that its close to my heart at the mo too.

PMSL @ title question

no bloody idea

if you find out can you let me know so I can use it on my almost 4 year old

TBH .. firm reprimand, isolating for a minute for every year they're old (we use the bottom step) and constant reinforcement as well as removing those things that really bug you / could be dangerous are the only way to do it

Redirection, redirection and more redirection!!!

I don't think you can ever really say no and expect them to just do as they are told. In instances like him playing with the christmas tree decorations then somethng along the lines of 'don't play with the Christmas tree as the decorations could break, lets go and stick shiny sweety wrappers and make a big mess with glitter' and if he is tipping his water then maybe 'don't shake your cup because the water oes everywhere, shall I make bubbles in the sink and you can play with water in the kitchen' so you are subsituting something appropriate but on a like for like basis to redirect him.

Donbean, so far as your little one going on your coffee table, personally I would not praise him up and tell him he is a good boy as in his head he will probably read it as 'I get on coffee table, Mummy tells me to get off and when I do I am a good boy'. Personally I would just say something along the lines of 'thank you for getting down, it is dangerous to stand on the coffee table'.

Gosh, I am far from a perfect parent but I have a very mischievious 3 year old and I am constantly trying to stay one step ahead of his little games

HTH and good luck!

OOOh, hadnt thought of that! Yes, you are absolutely right. Shit, just when you think you are doing ok!!!!
Thanks for that, thats the great thing about MN, there is always some one looking from the outside in,with experienced eyes.

Hehehe, well I am jsut glad I didn't come across as a right know-it-all (was a bit worried you might take offence). One of my gurus is Dr Sears btw:

www.askdrsears.com/

Check out discipline and behaviour

No offence whatsoever! Always grateful any advice in this job. (parenting!)

Fantastic replies. Thanks everyone. Good idea on the redirection, will put in a more concerted effort on that. I could just see my dh and I in court in 15 years time as ds is handed down his first ASBO if I didn't try to take things in hand. But I feel more reassured now that we are 'normal'!

Totally normal

I had to smile when I saw the title of this thread! If only anyone knew!
Your little chap is only 15 months and, although he's saying lots of words, his understanding of language is likely to be more limited than you might think.
I notice that you say "Some examples of this would be, do not shake your water bottle over the carpet, don't pull the balls off the christmas tree, don't pull the books off the book shelves". There are a lot of "dont's" in there. What your baby hears and understands are the key words in each sentence, in other words he hears "shake water bottle" "pull balls" "pull books." It is quite a bit later before children begin to register the "don't" and understand it's meaning. Even then, most of them will carry on regardless anyway!
At his age, the best way to help your ds understand that he's doing something you don't want is simply to say "No!" quite firmly and gently lift him away from the situation/take away the bottle etc.
When he's a little older, try telling your little boy what you want him to do rather than what you don't want. For example "books stay on the shelf" "baubles are for looking at" etc. It clarifies what is the acceptable behaviour and makes it clearer what is expected of him.
Good luck! He sounds gorgeous btw

80s mum, that's fab advice! Wish I'd had that!