Hi all, I just wanted to ask for advice on how to bond better with DS2 6m
DS1 is 2 and is a joy. He's the only thing that keeps me going, I quite literally beam and jump at the chance to spend any time with him that I can.
DS2 has has a lot of problems colic, reflux, tongue tie, torticollis all now thankfully mostly resolved but now we have a mystery issue that we've got a referral to GOSH about. X-rays have been done MRI is scheduled. He's been exhausting, there were times where he would literally scream bloodcurdling screams any time he wasn't being bounced, if you were in another room you'd swear he was being harmed kind of screaming. This was pretty much the first 10 weeks of his life.
Because of all of this we've had to put DS1 in nursery FT, he went 3 days a week even when I was working and quite honestly I miss him, it's like a visceral being torn in 2 kind of loss I feel
I've had the perinatal mental health team but though they've been in touch and done I feel the best they possibly can it's just a usual cycle of how are you, are you suicidal, do you want to harm the baby tickbox kind of questions. I feel guilty just typing this as I realise how lucky I am to have this.
DS2, though much improved, continues to be very very hard work. He does have a quality of life now and there are times he seems to be happy but I am rarely able to leave him in anyone's care. DH has stepped up but to care for DS1 and quite honestly when he struggles or scolds him for being, well 2, it breaks me. I often pick a fight with DH so he is shirty with me and not DS1, though I appreciate toddlers are little tyrants and do actually need boundaries.
All of this I've vocalised with DH & MH profs but I still feel as though we made a huge mistake having DS2. I find myself having loving moments with him so I must love him but it's not in the same league as DS1. Is there any advice or help I can access to bind better with DS2 and not lose DS1 in the chaos any more than I have?