Almost thirteen mo biting at nursery

[theotherfossilsister]

He's never bitten at home, except experimental breastfeeding bites. I am mortified. The nursery staff are lovely although he's just moved from half to full days and doesn't nap there (working to fix this.) How do we sort out the biting? Apparently he hurt another child yesterday.

Also should I apologise to other mums on drop off? I know they must be furious as I'm terribly upset every time he's injured.

13 months? You could apologise, although I guess you don't know exactly which child it is? but I wouldn't be furious. I'd want the nursery to put things in place to stop it (and wouldn't be happy with them if it continued), but at that age I wouldn't be furious at you or your child.

Thank you, they are giving him teething toys today. I'm also going to do an early pickup as it happened late in the day, and my theory is he needs time to adjust rather than just going straight from one o clock to six o clock pickup. Not sure what else we can do really?

I think I know which child, because DP saw their parent being given an incident form at pickup last night and it is the one he plays with most, if you can say children that age play. They're close in age and started together.

My DC have both been bitten a few times at nursery, I wouldn't have expected an apology from the parents at all. It's just what little kids do sometimes, they're too little to understand that they've hurt someone, especially at 13 months. Ask the nursery what they do to try prevent it and be consistent at home.

It will likely be a brief phase that passes quickly.

They will grow out of it but at 13m it’s quite difficult to stop. Having been a nursery worker it’s a complete nightmare as you need 1-1 with that child and even with that child in your lap another child reaching out to get a toy could be bitten in seconds. It’s not a simple as “just stopping it” Short of isolating them from being within a metre of another child at all times. Can’t take them out in double prams can’t have them sitting at a table next to another child. Can’t have story time with other children, can’t share sand tray etc

The only way we found was one member staff to carry child around at all times. When sitting adult is on a higher chair not on same level as other children. Which means ratios are out and other children get less attention. They will grow out of it and often no logical explanation. Teething toys offered, child told firmly off, child given no reaction just removed. Child given lots extra sensory activities etc. hopefully nursery will have that sort of plan in place if more than 2 incidents have happened. Unless you have been actively playing pretending biting games at home (had own parent do this thought was fun!) then don’t take it personal.

if your child has been bitten don’t take it out on staff either, it’s horrendous thing for staff to deal with. We don’t like to see children hurt or deal with angry parents. It’s a lose lose situation.

For a 13 month old it's mostly on the nursery staff rather than the parents as there's not a huge amount you can do hours after the fact - no point talking to a 13 month old several hours later asking why did you bite little Timmy. At home you can emphasise saying things like gentle hands, modelling stroking and hugging between toys and playing nicely, and if they do ever bite taking action. But if they're an only child and aren't biting you as parents as there aren't trigger situations, it's a nursery or playgroups kind of issue!

Thank you guys, I might try modelling nice play between soft toys at home. I just don't understand where this has come from although he is being given teething toys today.

Toddler twins here, they bite each other constantly. They get in each other’s personal space, they don’t have the words. They’re not monsters. I suspect your son is just getting overwhelmed with so many babies around him, exasperated by being tired. Don’t stress about this. And try to reframe it next time your son is the victim of being hurt, I don’t think being furious is a necessary response, at those sorts of ages there’s no malice.

I can’t always stop my 13mo biting his big sister even if I’m right next to them. It’s just something little kids do sometimes, they don’t understand it hurts the other person.

There’s absolutely nothing you can do after the fact if you’re not there when it happens. 13 months is too small to talk about it or link a story in a book to real life.

Working out the trigger might help (eg teething, tiredness, frustration) but if you didn’t see it happen you’re relying on nursery to do this.

My 13mo was bitten at nursery recently. I wasn’t furious because it’s not something the staff can realistically prevent 🤷‍♀️ kids get hurt / hurt each other. You can minimise it with supervision but not eliminate it.

thanks, I'm going to pick him up at four fifteen today which is the earliest I can, and see if that makes a difference. DP called and he hasn't bitten anyone yet today.

Aw at that age there’s not too much you can do due to lack of communication, nursery are aware so they need to deal with it as he’s not biting at home. My eldest bit he was only little and I remember the head of nursery having a right go at me about it. He never bit at home I was young and v upset, I’d have had a few thing to say to her now but I didn’t as I was too upset. He was just a baby, I didn’t want him biting other kids, he didn’t understand after the event, so you can only really teach him to be gentle and kind at home.

It’s a phase and it’ll stop, nursery need to try to be on it, perhaps when he feels comfortable enough to nap he will stop as he’s hot overtireD?

Honestly we had this and got told it was totally normal, try and find out what is happening at the time and if it's the same child. We found that it was when other children grabbed things from her or did something she didn't like that she'd bite and also when she was bitten we eventually sussed it was the same child that she'd bitten. We have a book "teeth are not for biting" that is good