Unexpected third pregnancy with 8 month old and 3 year old

[Confusedalways5]

Hi. Just found out a few days ago that I'm pregnant again and im just so unsure how to feel about this all. I hate the sleepless nights, i dont make good sleepers and i just about went insane for the first few months with my 8 month old as i was so mentally and physically drained. Also it was a really difficult pregnancy filled with anxiety and many times i felt on the brink of passing out which caused me a lot of stress about taking my daughter places publicly or being with her at home alone. Although things are absolutely fine now and im really enjoying our family life, we always used condoms until 2 weeks ago where our one off time without one has made me pregnant :( i hadnt started my period yet as i was and still am breastfeeding so it just astounds me that the one time we do without one my body suddenly decides its going back to normal... one more month and it would have been fine as i planned to get the copper coil. My own stupidity really but here i am..

One minute i feel like i want this and i can do this but the next I'm totally against it.. but then imagining being in that moment where i have to decide to take the pill to end it i dont think i would have the stomach to do it.. coming from a really anti-abortion religious family doesnt help as i cant speak to them for support. DP is unsure about it all as well but will support me whatever i choose

Im really sorry for the vent and i ask that comments are kind because i cant say im really in the state of mind for people telling me its my own fault for not being more careful etc.. believe me i know this. Does anybody have any advice, or id especially like to hear from people with a similar age gap between kids that i will have if i do continue with this. Thank you

I only have 2 kids and both were planned but we are debating a third. I just wanted to say it's not your fault, some people take ages to fall pregnant and it's just unlucky that it happens to be the one slip up that you've fallen pregnant. Make sure you have support from somewhere whatever you guys decide. If it's not the right time then it's not the right time. But who knows how you'll feel in a good few months time. My kids are 10 + 7 and I had to take the morning after pill about 5yrs ago but I hadn't had a positive test. My point is that it wasn't the right time and now 5yrs on we are looking at maybe having one last addition. That being said, the first year goes by in a sleep deprived blur and you'll have three grown children before you know it. I don't have much help to give just to not let you beat yourself up or let anyone else ❤️

@Kaybee93 thank you for your reply i really appreciate your take

If you feel you wouldn't be able to cope and you want to be you again then an abortion isn't a bad choice if that is what you want. None of your families business.

it may be worth accessing some counselling from somewhere like bpas to give you a chance to explore in an unjudgemental space about what would work best for you and your family. the worst thing i did was not talking to anyone but my husband and i and letting my anexity take over- if i had spoken to a counsellor i may have made the same decision to terminate but would feel more at peace with what i did. hope you get some support to make this difficult decision someone said to me that either optin is hard- either to terminate or go ahead and its which one you feel you can cope with most. message anytime- having been there the worst thing i did was not speak to anyone else beforehand

You have a very difficult decision to make and I don't have any advice as to how you make that choice. I also fell pregnant when my first child was 9 months old whilst breastfeeding and not having periods.

I now have 4 adult children aged 28, 27, 25, 22. The gaps were 18 months, 20 months, 3 years. They are the best of friends and couldn't be closer but it was pretty hectic for a while when third child was born as I had 3 in just over 3 years. I found the more children I had the better they slept probably because I was more experienced. I had a lot of sickness through pregnancies and caesarians so a slower recovery. Family life was chaotic. However, although it feels like a long time when you are stuck in it, it really is such a short part of life with so many fantastic years afterwards. The things maybe you should consider are can you cope emotionally and financially with 3 children, do you have any help with them, and how long is it until the eldest is in school?

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It does happen sometimes. I know how you feel. We had a condom slip off in the strangest way and I got pregnant (chemical pregnancy) but it made me Realize how easy these things can happen.

I do think more women should be taught natural family planning so they can more easily understand exactly how their cycles work and how these pregnancies happen.

Honestly I feel like for OBGYNS it should be mandatory because it's pretty embarrassing some of the unscientific advice they give especially in these types of situations.

Doctors are always telling breastfeeding women that if they're exclusively breastfeeding that they are safe till their first period but that's really misleading because you ovulate first and then get your period... There is this idea that all first postpartum periods are anovulatory but there are lots of moms with unplanned children from this exact situation who would beg to disagree! So how exactly those instructions make sense is beyond me. 😩

If you want permission from a stranger old enough to be your mother to have a termination- here it is. I know there's never a perfect time to have a baby, but there are really not good times, and it sounds as if this is a really bad time for you and your family. Think about yourself and the children you have-and do what's best for them.

Get in touch with Marie Stopes International.
They can offer some free counselling.
I used to work there and I remember the absolutely lovely counsellor telling a religious woman, "God forgives you."
Talk to someone early on. In most of the Uk, MSI is contracted by the NHS, so you don't even have to speak to your GP, you can just ring them: www.msichoices.org.uk/#

Omg well 😂😂 not the update i thought id be giving and i feel like a complete numpty - they were OVULATION tests!!! The box and tests looked exactly the same 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ can see the humour in it now but this has probably been the biggest shock ive had in my life. Ive done a preg test and im not pregant, whew Thank you everyone who left a message and gave me support regardless

🤣🎉 Not what I was expecting-but the best news! Now-speaking again as the woman old enough to be your mother-you will make sure you sort out reliable contraception, won't you?

@CurlewKate already got the copper coil booked for monday!