Dealing with partners ex

[mum0128]

Hey all I’m looking for some advice regarding my partners ex and their children. We’ve been together 1.5 years, he has two children and I have three. Their breakup was very toxic and she is a narcissist. Shes mentally abusing the children by getting them to lie and she talks bad of both my partner, myself and my children. 

A lot has happened since the beginning (breaking in to his house and attacking me with my son in my arms, posting awful things on my social media) and we are at a point now (we live together) that the children don’t want to come to ours because of the things their mum tells them. 

His daughter and my son often bicker and tease each other but also love spending time together. Their mum has put it in to his daughters head that she isn’t safe with us because her and my son fight at times and one of them ends up hurt (she’s making out my son is dangerous) we deal with this appropriately and within 5 minutes they are the best of friends. 

Their mum is suggesting we have the children when my children aren’t here (with their dad) and to keep them separate, she doesn’t want us together and I believe this is a tactic to break us. I don’t understand how this will work as we are a blended family and we love our children being together, we are happy. My partner mentioned only having his children one night instead of two to limit the time they spend together, however that isn’t fair on his children so I’ve suggested staying in a hotel the weekends he has his kids because if we don’t do something she will stop him having his children. What do we do, I feel absolutely awful about all of this

How have you reassured mum that you are dealing with it appropriately, or more importantly how has your partner. Maybe she needs reassurances and so do the kids. Communication might help before needing to stay in s hotel which sounds grim for everyone.

Of course he has but how do you reassure a narcissist who already knows her children are safe with us and love coming to ours, she is doing this to regain the control she lost of my partner when he left after she cheated. She messages my partner from their sons phone awful things as if they are from his son and when they come to us I get told from his youngest that I'm ugly and stole her daddy and I'm a nasty person. She fabricates so much, this isn't about reassuring mum as there aren't real concerns of safety, she trying to sabotage us by threatening no contact with kids when he doesn't abide by her rules

Does he not have a court order? If not, go get one. If he does, enforce it. There's no reason why she should get to dictate who is and isn't in your house!

No many people have said he needs to co fact a solicitor but he won't, the thing is now she's making their daughter believe my son is a danger so our priority is being there for her because her mums made her believe this

@mum0128
If he chooses not to go get court ordered access,the mother can do what she likes. How does he expect to be there for his daughter if he's letting her mother pull the strings?