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Dealing with partners ex

1 reply

Mama2248 · 11/09/2023 11:22

Hey all I’m looking for some advice regarding my partners ex and their children. We’ve been together 1.5 years, he has two children and I have three. Their breakup was very toxic and she is a narcissist. Shes mentally abusing the children by getting them to lie and she talks bad of both my partner, myself and my children.

A lot has happened since the beginning (breaking in to his house and attacking me with my son in my arms, posting awful things on my social media) and we are at a point now (we live together) that the children don’t want to come to ours because of the things their mum tells them.

His daughter and my son often bicker and tease each other but also love spending time together. Their mum has put it in to his daughters head that she isn’t safe with us because her and my son fight at times and one of them ends up hurt (she’s making out my son is dangerous) we deal with this appropriately and within 5 minutes they are the best of friends.

Their mum is suggesting we have the children when my children aren’t here (with their dad) and to keep them separate, she doesn’t want us together and I believe this is a tactic to break us. I don’t understand how this will work as we are a blended family and we love our children being together, we are happy. My partner mentioned only having his children one night instead of two to limit the time they spend together, however that isn’t fair on his children so I’ve suggested staying in a hotel the weekends he has his kids because if we don’t do something she will stop him having his children. What do we do, I feel absolutely awful about all of this

OP posts:
Crazystupidlove55 · 22/06/2024 20:20

I’m in a really similar situation with my partners ex, just trying to cause issues in every aspect!

Their poor children, she is doing her best to alienate youngest son, so he hates his dad and me, yet when he’s here - he is fine, I believe he feels he needs to put on this act (at mums house) of hating us to please his mum.

I'm also mum to my own two boys, and love that mine get on with going to see their dad, their stepmum, I encouraged them to buy a stepmum card and chocs for her to be appreciative of what she does (which I was surprised by, I never bought my stepmum a card growing up, but I do as an adult to show I care and appreciate her)

I feel so sad my partners boys have such an opposite experience.

For our weekends where we have all four of our boys, I’ve started to arrange more ad hoc times where mine can see their dad, and I excuse myself and try to let my partner and his boys have time together. My ex can be fairly flexible which is useful, plus my boys are getting older and some weekends have friends’ birthdays or sleepovers which we both prioritise unless a family do or something.

I think there are just women out there, who are the definition of a narcissist, and they think they are doing right by their children, when they’re doing the opposite… and it can be so detrimental.

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