Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Grandparents expecting too much

35 replies

User0311 · 09/09/2023 19:46

I'd just like to know if anyone is in a similar position to me. I have 3 lovely children all primary school age, daily life can be quite hectic. Their grandparents (my parents) are in their 60s, retired, in good health and both drive etc. they expect to see my children all the time, but never visit us. They want us to visit them a minimum of once or twice a week. They have been to our home once in the past 18 months but always go on about how they are sat waiting to see the grandchildren and how I don't take them enough to visit. I'm losing the will. I know people will just say to stop visiting but that would cause hassle and constant calls and texts asking when I am visiting again that it isn't worth not going. Anyone experienced similar?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Songbird54321 · 09/09/2023 20:40

We get on well with both sets of grandparents however I did have one gripe with one set. They used to invite us for tea most Sundays. Very generous of them but they'd say they'd do it for 4pm and it always ended up being closer to 6pm. It really irritated me as I'd told them umpteen times that bedtime in our house was 6:30pm-7pm on school nights as we both worked full time and my daughter had to go to nursery for 8am. In the end we just declined their invitations. We still have a great relationship, just not on Sunday evenings!

MaryJanesonabreak · 09/09/2023 20:45

If they are both retired and in their sixties, why aren’t they picking them up from school and taking them home to tea? Or doing it on a Friday and having them overnight? If they want to see the kids then they need to go see the kids.
It’s not complicated. They must be imagining they’re in their late eighties. They don’t like a 30 minute drive? What absolute nonsense.

ActDottie · 09/09/2023 20:50

Just start saying you’re busy etc. or the kids have activities to go to. But I’d also start inviting them over to yours as that’ll be a lot more on your terms.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

ZebraLyghts · 09/09/2023 20:52

Very true. My in laws live just round the corner and rarely bother their arses to see my child.
It's lovely your dad made that effort 😌

MrsCarson · 09/09/2023 21:25

They are being unreasonable. If they want to see the children they needs to put some effort in. The road runs both ways, they drive but want to catered too.
Unless they are too sick to leave the house or have to catch multiple busses, put your foot down for goodness sake.

UsingChangeofName · 09/09/2023 21:27

They haven't visited for my children's birthdays as it usually falls on a school day anyway but will exchange gifts etc when we visit them

I mean, I do think this is an area where it sounds like you aren't making much of an effort. Don't you invite them round for tea and cake ? Little tea parties when the dc are little ? At the weekend nearest the dcs' birthdays (or even your own birthdays) ?

Not that this means your parents shouldn't make the effort too, but I do think it strange that grandparents don't get invited to family birthdays.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/09/2023 21:46

whatchulookinatwillis · 09/09/2023 20:07

When they say "we don't see the GC enough", you say "I know, we've been really upset about how little effort you make to come visit us."

When they say "we've only seen you once this week" you say "but we invited you to ours twice and you chose not to come, so that was your choice, not ours."

They'll either:
A) realise they're in the wrong and make more effort to come to you (problem solved)

B) Refuse to admit they're causing the problem, in which case you know they're impossible to please and can stop trying (problem solved, albeit in a different way).

Good advice

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 09/09/2023 21:48

When they complain they haven't seen them send a photo. Suggest vists are alternative responsibility as the dc have such a busy social calander...

sadaboutmycat · 09/09/2023 22:03

I've always had my grandchildren to stay, giving their parents some much needed free time. At least once a month from being very small. I take them on holiday, and to some fabulous days out. Sometimes we can't afford much and it's picnics and country walks, other times it's theme parks etc. but I see them regularly. Oh and I work 50 hrs a week too.
They are in the wrong OP. They should be helping you, not creating work.

GrannyRose15 · 01/01/2024 17:13

I’d suggest you go regularly to see them one day a week. Always the same time and never miss or reschedule. Every time you leave you can say something like “see you same time next week if you can’t make it over to ours in the meantime.” They will eventually get the message that if they want to see the GC more often they will have to drive.

Flip

1 2