10 week old not napping in the day

[Anniiee24]

Hi all

Just need some advice please

My 10 week old will just not nap in the day at all. To add to this, she is always crying. In a day, her crying is approx 10 hours (unbelievable I know)

She is clearly over tired but won't sleep no matter what I do. White noise, dark room, swaddle. I've literally done everything you can name

She won't sleep in her next2me, her cot, her bassinet, a sling and won't even contact nap!

In the whole day she will probably sleep for 30 minutes because she is sooo exhausted by all the crying.

It's so bad, I went to the GP yesterday and he referred me to a paediatrician. The paediatrician said it is potential colic as she has no other concerns. Gaining weight, feeding well except in this heat feeding often but little.

I honestly feel like a terrible mom. First I failed at breastfeeding and now my baby cries 24/7

Good thing though - is that she sleeps long stretches in the night now (guessing due to being so exhausted from crying allllll day)

Is there anything I can do at all?

Also please don't advice a dummy as I'm told she had a high palate and don't want anything to affect that further. (Also already so worried about this!)

I'm scared to leave the house because I can't soothe my baby. I'm getting so frustrated, not with her but for her because I can't make her feel any better! I feel helpless. Obviously ofcourse also can't do anything for myself... could of days ago I went 3 days without a shower because she just wouldn't settle for even a minute

I have no family support other than my husband who does sooo much when he's home and supports however he can but he also works so when he's not here I feel like I'm drowning.

I've cried several times today.

FTM and good for nothing. Can't even put my baby to sleep for naps so she has a good day. Feel useless. Sorry for the rant :(

Bump

Hello - I'm sure you're doing a great job, some babies just scream a lot and it is super overwhelming. I understand the useless feeling, but I'm sure you're not! Some ideas...

See if your Health Visitor has any ideas. You can get orthodontic dummies for high palate. Try spending more time outside with baby in the fresh air. Try an osteopath. Try baby groups at your local children's centre - free so easy to leave if you need to but they might have some tips / offer some support. It's ok to leave baby in their cot while you take a shower. If you can afford it you could also get a mother's help or nanny for a few hours to give yourself a break. Try changing formula brand. Take the pressure off and just have a calm day with baby in the sling. Try a disco light on the walls for baby to look at.

But also hopefully baby will just grow out of it - there may not be much you can do differently, it might just be how baby is for now.... try not to think of it as something you're doing wrong, my suggestions are just if you want to feel like you're doing something different!

I know it’s hard and the weather has been too hot but genuinely - get outside. DS1 had bad colic and the only place he’d stop screaming and nap was outside in the sling. Inside in the sling he’d howl. DS2 also naps much better outside, thankfully he will also sleep in the pram. DS1 didn’t come close to napping in a dark room with white noise until he was more like 6 months old. A ten week old isn’t going to have a clue and will just get more and more overtired the more you try.

Have you taken her out for a walk? My DS loved a long walk, he'd always nod off, he was a terrible sleeper so I'd be out for at least an hour every day so he'd nap. Failing that, do you drive? I've spent plenty of times driving up and down the local dual carriageway with him asleep in the back*

*obviously not ideal for the budget or environment but desperate times called for desperate measures.

You are not a terrible Mum you're both learning.
It's so hard having a baby with colic but it won't last forever. Agree with PP about a pram walk, bring a portable sound machine and headphones for you and listen to a podcast or music, even if baby is crying you're both having a change of scene.

Have you tried a carrier/sling, even in the house. My oldest would settle quite well in the sling in the house if I swayed to music and he'd nap sometimes too.

Can you get regular breaks, do you have family that will help mind baby for an hour or so to let you have a break.

My baby really changed when sitting up, have you tried different chairs? We had a swing which vibrated and rocked baby, was handy for me to have a shower etc

Hi op

you are not alone in what you think or feel. I was the exact same. Infact I left baby groups embarrassed and upset as my baby just screamed. He had bad colic too. Worth a thought but could maybe reflux or CMPA? I questioned all this with my boy looking for a reason why he never slept and cried non stop

i remember around 10 weeks he fought sleep soooo bad. No matter what I did he would not nap and I did not want to leave the house thinking people would think I didn’t know how to sooth my baby. But gradually it does get better which is annoying to read going through it! I think by 12 weeks it did.. try look for an age appropriate schedule to help WW as I was clueless. Sometimes when they get overtired they refuse sleep and cry even more (I used to say why don’t you sleep then and I didn’t understand why they don’t when so tired - still don’t really!?)

dummy definitely helped and like pp said you can get orthodontic ones. Don’t be hard on yourself. You are doing amazing. I disliked the first 12 weeks so much but everyday it gets a little better/easier. Hang in there!

Oh I feel for you. I came home one day in tears because the one thing I enjoyed with my newborn was going out a big walk with the pram in the sunshine and he’d started screaming every time I took him out. It was so embarrassing. I once had to walk past a primary school at pick up time with a screaming baby balanced in my arms while trying to push his pram and not cry myself. (I now know that it’s unlikely the other parents would’ve been looking at me with anything other than sympathy and “been there” thoughts!)

His daytime naps were non existent -turned out he had reflux that was only really helped once we had gaviscon prescribed. However other things that really helped were using a baby carrier (sent him to sleep INSTANTLY), raising the head of the next to me/moses basket and moving him from the bassinet pram to the pushchair part. He was clearly more comfortable when propped up. (The other major game changer for us was a dummy but I appreciate you said they won’t work for your baby).

Then we hit the magical 12-14 week mark and his digestive system finally started to sort itself out and he got himself into an almost clockwork napping routine. I’d recommend looking up baby wake windows if you haven’t already. I was skeptical but my baby would go down, with help (dummy, pram, carrier), pretty much bang on the recommended times. (He did stay on gaviscon until 6 months).

It’s horrendous but it will eventually pass (though I refused to believe anyone who told me this at the time!).

@Writerz34 do you have any experience with high palates? Do you know what kind of dummies? The osteopath doesn't really have any confirmed success so don't want to waste money if it doesn't help :(
Scared to leave her to cry because I feel bad, sometimes she goes red in the face whilst crying.

@VivaVivaa @Taylorswiftserastour I get anxiety when my baby cries out when on a walk so I feel like a letdown there too
Also screams in the car, I have a mirror and some toys on the seat but she hates it!

@Fourunderfourx I have no family! I have 3 rockers, one back and forth with music and baby bjorn and a Nuna leaf! None work lol!!

I struggled with putting on a sling so gave up.

@Tiredmamma123 thanks! I feel all of what you've said. I'm scared people will think I don't know how to soothe my baby.

@Junebug22 thank you! Deffo not reflux but will try carrier! Sent back the Artipoppe one I had as it was just too much hassle. Ordered a baby bjorn, arriving tomorrow.

Did any of you have your baby sobbing breathing whilst sleeping? Mines just started doing it and now a little worried

Bless your heart, you sound exhausted.

I had a baby who cried all day, too. All the time. No matter what I did. It made me feel all the emotions - heartbreak, guilt, sadness, embarrassment, shame, anger, frustration, you name it I felt it. There were a lot of tears from me too! 🤣

You're not a failure as a mother, I promise. This is not a reflection on you and it's not for lack of trying. I'm sure you've already tried it, but heartbeat style taps seemed to half work. Also, the only dummy my baby ever took was my little finger. She spat everything else out but would settle for my little finger.

As it turned out, she had constipation and also silent reflux. I never even knew silent reflux was a thing! She was gaining weight as she should've been, and wasn't actually vomiting all that often to begin with, she'd just swallow it back down (hence the silent - her screams however, were not).

I'm not sure where you're based, but look into Homestart. They have volunteers who will come and sit with your baby for an hour or so and it'll allow you to catch up with housework, shower, or just have a good old cry to them about how hard it is. They are an independent charity, so you don't need to worry about them getting social work involved! I always thought that showing any weakness was a sign of defeat, and that my baby would be taken from me as I could potentially have been seen as 'not coping'.

Also, in reply to your last comment - yes, it's normal for them to cry shudder breathe in their sleep. My 6 month old still does it if she's been particularly worked up about something!! She also goes through phases where she cries in her sleep.

Please let me know if you want to chat, I know how lonely it can be.

Another thing - I failed at breastfeeding too! My milk literally just never came in. I felt like SUCH a failure. Everyone else seemed to be able to do it no bother at all, in fact, some people had too much supply! What was I doing wrong?

It's plastered everywhere that breast is best. I planned to breastfeed so was gutted when I found out I couldn't. My baby lost a lot of weight (which none of us understood, she was on the boob regularly), so that added to the mum guilt too.

One thing that helped me is the quote "nobody asks you if you were breast or bottle fed as a baby". Doctors and professionals LOVE to ask it, but it's really not that deep.

Lastly; have you tried changing milk brands? Doctor and health visitor told me there was no difference whatsoever between milk brands, just a different price tag. I was at my wits end so swapped to Aptamil from Cow and Gate, and baby seemed a bit more settled for it.

My baby does the scary cry breathing too! Your osteopath should really be helping more - could you see a different one? I don't have a dummy recommendation but I'd just try one of the ones that say they are orthodontic - or as others have said just try your finger!

Definitely try another sling, you could try a sling library if you can't get the fit right - or there's a Facebook page called baby wearing UK where you can get advice on them.

Also look up "purple crying" to understand the red in the face crying, it might help you as it confirms it is often just normal (sadly).

The baby Bjorn is SO good to get on and off. Practice with someone a couple of times and then you should be good to go. We had the mini to start with and then when he got to big we bought the one that does up to 3 years (I think). They’re brilliant. Especially for going to any outdoors events that would be a nightmare for a pram. Hopefully it makes a difference for you x

Also there’s no such thing as failing at breast feeding, please don’t let that get you down. My baby went into special care and the nurses there were so supportive of my attempts (like another poster, my milk never came in) but gently told me that breastfeeding requires close contact, eating regularly and getting sleep… they said it’s a miracle that it happens for any new mums! x