Gentle parenting courses

[toodledo]

I want to do some reading and / or workshops on responsive parenting (or gentle parenting). I want to be mindful of development, communication, handling tantrums, positive language around food, bodies, inclusivity for my growing DC who is just 1 atm.

I've heard the one from "Big Little Feelings" is quite good - has anyone done this?

Any recommendations?

What’s gentle parenting?

Pretty surprised people don't know, it's responsive parenting as opposed to coercive parenting, understanding your child's needs and developments and not using punishment based approaches www.parentingforbrain.com/responsive-parenting/

I haven't done the course but I do follow big little feelings on Instagram and their advice is really good, so I'm sure a course would be too.

Even the simplest techniques like warning your toddler when you're about to do something (like turn the telly off, or leave the park) so that they can process what's going to happen instead of 'ok time to go' or just picking up the remote and turning it off, avoids a meltdown (90% of the time)

Another one is getting down on their level and simply telling them you can hear them and you know what they want but that's not what we're doing/having right now because XYZ and instead this is what we're going to do. Honestly I notice the difference if I'm frustrated and I forget that simple statement and just say 'no we're not doing that' the tantrum continues. As soon as a remember it's like a light bulb switches in her little head and she accepts and moves on. It's amazing.

Lots of people probably think it's soft or snowflake parenting or whatever but really, if some choice words or phrases can avoid that much stress for both of you then why wouldn't you.

Gentle parenting. Latest nutty idea to deal with badly behaved children. Don't.

@toodledo - haven’t heard of it. We used a warning and then time out punishment approach. Their nursery used the same so the consistency was good. Seemed to work.

What I can't grasp is how gentle parenting works when you have 2 children, especially when the older one has to get to / be collected from nursery/school. Sometimes there isn't time to talk about things until they agree, you have to pick the younger one up crying, and just go.

Get a membership to the goodinside website. Or her Instagram drbeckygoodinside for a taste. It has revolutionised and given me actual tools to use that don't involve shouting or punishing my kids. It's completely changed my frame of mind about how children learn emotion regulation.

Not this again. Any thread with gentle parenting in the title seems to be a dog whistle for the anti-woke brigade (see above). It's just common sense parenting - responsive, authoritative but not authoritarian, respecting children as human beings and understanding their brains haven't finished developing yet.

See, I would say that was just 'parenting'? 'Gentle parenting' always appear to be more (or less?) than that.

ABSOLUTELY this, anyone who thinks gentle parenting is passively letting their kids run amock is absolutely ignorant, I.e PP on this thread 😂

Thanks for the recommendation!

"Anti-woke" do me a favour. I'm on more DEI committees than you can shake a stick at and have serious doubts about 'gentle parenting'. And indeed any other dogmatic approach that's designed to part parents from their cash (via books, courses and subscriptions) and doesn't take into account the specific child's needs. If it's common sense then you don't need to pay for a course.

If the OP didn't want critical or questioning responses, she should post on a relevant private forum with its own rules of engagement. Rather than an open one with millions of opinions - especially from weary veterans of motherhood who know that a lot of it is bollocks.

@FKATondelayo Please let me know where the relevant private forum is?

I'm not sure why me wanting to understand my child developmentally and respond to their needs appropriately is offensive to you. Im not so arrogant to assume I know better than research and science-backed approaches.

Not everyone finds it common sense, a lot of us were raised in a cycle of trauma that we want to break.

I was just reading about it as I was curious.

From what I've read, the child still has clear boundaries and consequences for bad choices. Some of the techniques they suggest are what we use in schools for our ND children, eg, Giving a child a warning before transitioning, ignoring them when they have their meltdown (whilst making sure they don't hurt themselves) and talking about it feelings afterwards when they're ready to listen and avoiding triggers. I think the issue is that there are a few parents who are really indulgent and don't apply it properly.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith is very good, she has has instagram/Facebook but loads of books as well. She has a book called beginnings which is about specifically child development.

“What I can't grasp is how gentle parenting works when you have 2 children, especially when the older one has to get to / be collected from nursery/school. Sometimes there isn't time to talk about things until they agree, you have to pick the younger one up crying, and just go.”

yeah that would fall within gentle parenting parameters too

i also tend to just use the term “parenting”, but I’m not out to shit on people who prefer to say “gentle parenting” and I’m flexible enough of mind to understand that it also means maintaining boundaries

I follow this man on Instagram and Tiktok

https://instagram.com/the_indomitable_blackman?igshid=NjIwNzIyMDk2Mg==

I think he's brilliant and really shows the difference between gentle and permissive parenting. I can't get along with Sarah Ockwell Smith or the majority of gentle parenting experts as I find them too condescending. Gabe does a lot of role playing examples where he shows how to be authoritative while practising gentle parenting.

Family links is wonderful!

I'd look for a How To Talk one - that's the absolute best book for Gentle Parenting IMO and they do have some online workshops. Or see if there is a workshop or course by Dan Siegel / Tina Payne Bryson.

I think Big Little Feelings are a bit overly idealistic, with not much substance under the surface and I'm less impressed with Dr. Becky these days compared to when I first found her stuff. But Joanna Faber & Julie King are the most reassuring, fabulous advice givers every time I have heard them speak and I think a course with them would be fantastic. Likewise I've listened to a few interviews with Tina Payne Bryson and she's a very intelligent, switched on communicator with excellent understanding of child development. All of the Siegel/Bryson books are great.

You have to be careful with some of the Gentle Parenting "gurus" as they are quite frequently all nicey nicey on the surface with basically nothing to offer if you can't live up to that ideal, and they really are selling an ideal. Watch out for anyone who goes on about how harmful (whatever they don't like) is - they are selling a brand. The actual sensible ones have a sense of balance. They'll never advise you to shout or use time out etc, but they recognise that it happens sometimes and it's not the end of the world.

It’s not a course as such, but Bluey is a pretty good explanation and demonstration of gentle parenting. Very useful to see it being used in real life situations, as well as seeing when we make mistakes.

I’ve picked up a lot of good techniques from there.

You can watch most of series 1-3 on Disney+ but you’ll need to watch on IPlayer for the episode Dad Baby.

I dislike the use of labels for types of parenting. Having read what "gentle parenting" is I realise that is how I parented anyway.

I think that problems arise when lazy parents use the term to excuse their lack of parenting.

Some great recommendations here - thanks!

Family links is wonderful