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I'm not coping well with my 1 year old

5 replies

Mspe · 08/09/2023 19:05

Just start by saying, I love my child, she is so loved and no matter what, I tell her every day and before bed every night. But. I'm finding her very difficult since a couple of weeks before turning one. She had a week or two since then to now where she seemed to be happy with life. I dread coming home from work, I dread my days off on my own with her and I dread night time because she's up many times. This past week, she's had a cold which isn't nice for her but it's been impossible. She gets so worked up, throws herself back, won't be held but doesn't want to be put down, has started hitting herself on the head and pulling her own hair, gets aggressive towards DP and I. I'm just at a loss as to what I've done. We agreed she wouldn't be spoiled, if she can't have something out of danger or just because we are using it or stop her from opening something etc she has a melt down. Like full on throws herself back, screams and will hurt herself.

We are tired, end up arguing at night, morning exersize has gone out the window for that extra 40 mins in bed. I'm also studying and that has been pushed aside because focus just isn't there. We have no sex life, I'm constantly stressed, I go to bed early just to listen to 20 mins of a podcast before I pass out.. only time I see to get a bit of me time. The only thing I'm not failing is work where it shouldn't be seen as a "break" but it really is.

I'm getting to the point now where I'm walking away from her crying to try and talk to myself to deal with her. I honestly feel like I'm going to break down and if I could run away even just for a week, I would go no problem.i have had a constant sore throat for 3 weeks now which I'm putting down to stress.

Maybe just not cut out for it? Lots of lovely times with her too, she's clever funny and everything any mother would say about her baby but I just can't cope with this hard time which seems to never end.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
NuffSaidSam · 08/09/2023 19:12

If you've had a constant sore throat for three weeks, quite possibly she has too?

Have you tried Calpol/Nurofen to see if that makes a difference?

It is a hard age, particularly because they catch everything and are teething so they're almost constantly under the weather with one thing or another.

Let's to differentiate a cry that is because she's hurt/sad/scared and one that's because she can't get her own way. Comfort the first kind, don't worry too much about the second kind. Sympathise and be there, but don't tear your hair out trying to get her to stop, it's fine for her to express her frustration but it not on you to fix it. When she's throwing herself back etc. just move her to safety and let her get on with it.

Prioritise sleep wherever you can because that makes everything else easier. If you have a partner do shifts so that each person gets a chunk of good sleep every night.

Hopingforagreatescape · 08/09/2023 19:18

Yes I'd wonder if she too has the sore throat - might be a virus.

Mspe · 08/09/2023 19:21

Yea she's been on calpol, eating and drinking well no fever.

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WKCWT · 03/02/2024 16:47

I'm in a similar situation and it's honestly killing me. I'm beyond my wits end. My 14mth old is screaming to be picked up but then arching and fitting to the point that the strength required to hold him securely feels like an actual physical fight. It's horrible and makes me feel so awful and hopeless. When I set him down on the bed to try and soothe him that way it just escalates. We try rocking, shhhing, singing, everything and nothing works. This can go on for up to an hour and it's broken us. He has winter bugs etc and we manage discomfort with Calpol and nurofen and vapour plugs but the level of distress is just off the chart. We've seen the doctor and the response is "some babies are just like this" which may well be but how on earth do we manage with no support network. I'm actually getting to the point where I fear him walking up because I can't keep him happy at all.

Purple89 · 03/02/2024 18:52

Handhold OP. I'm in a similar boat with my 15 month old DD. She has had a bout of illnesses which has made it so much worse. I'm seeing a therapist to help me survive and cope with the anxiety this brings.
You're not alone.

You're doing a great job. I am not sure I have many tips except for taking a deep breath and getting myself calm to power through (which doesn't always work) and building in some time for you when you can.

I'm hoping some wise people will come along and say that this passes. I have noticed an improvement now my DD seems to be kicking her latest illness (tonsilitis).

Xx

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