His communication style is making me miserable

[MinnieMouse1234]

I’m looking for some advice. The father of my daughter (separated) is incredibly difficult and I often feel like I get a barrage of messages from him which are unhelpful, name calling and accusational. I’ve learnt (from negative experience) that there is no point in replying to his false accusations or when he ‘twists’ things as it starts a long string of communications and just opens up a greater chance for him to be awful. We’ve engaged the help of friends to help draw up ground rules etc but that just lasts a week or up to a month at most. I’m exhausted from it all. I just want to erase him from my life but I can’t :-(

Does anyone have a suggestion of how best to proceed with this? How can we have a level of communication that benefits our daughter but removes the chance of feeling like this.

Use a court approved parenting App.

Learn to grey rock him.

Have court ordered contact schedule then stick to it.

So sorry this is happening to you. One way forward might be to use a co-parenting app - they market themselves as supporting parents in your situation to have good communication BUT all messages are unalterable, so you can use it as evidence of harassment / unreasonable behaviour if you need to. If you're going to do it, you need to be firm - I would send him this:

I would love to co-parent XX with you in a way that is amicable and makes sure that XX grows up knowing that both of her parents love her, but your persistent harassment and written attacks are affecting my life too much. We have tried to sort this out with our friends' support, but the way you speak and write to me never changes for longer than a few weeks and I'm not willing to allow you to keep speaking to me like that. Please download the YY app and set up an account by the end of Sunday. We will link together so you can contact me on there if you need to. I will be blocking your number on Sunday, so you will need to link with me before then to arrange your next visit with XX. You should know that all messages on the app are unalterable and I will use them as evidence of harassment or unreasonable behaviour if you continue to communicate in such an aggressive way. I'm sorry it's come to this, but I hope you understand that I cannot and will not continue to allow you to negatively affect my life. Let's do better for the sake of XX.

Or something like that.

Don't communicate with him about anything aside from your daughter, only do so by email, twice a week to make arrangements, and texts or phone calls only in emergencies. Any hint of abuse and you hang up or ignore the email entirely until he can act like an adult.

If he is a narcissist you won't be able to co parents
As they counter parent.

Thanks for this, any advice on how to get him to agree to that?

Agree to what?

Just block him on your phone and email and say you will only use the App from now on.

How old are DC and do you have a CAO?