Parental preference

[GilbertlovesAnne]

My 3yo dd has always preferred me (I’m a SAHM and do most things for her) however since having my 2nd 6 months ago it has ramped up and is quite difficult now.

she rejects her dad for everything :-( throws massive melt down tantrums whenever he tries to do something for her (bedtime, dinner time, bath time anything really). She’s recently started say daddy is mean - but doesn’t vocalise any behaviour associated with that.

my instinct is telling me that she is rejecting him as a means to control me as obviously I have become more busy and she can’t have me whenever she wants me.

What do we do? The meltdowns are distressing for everyone. I don’t want her to feel rejected by me but I also need her to let her dad do things too.

Personally I'd find out why she thinks daddy is being mean first.

Are you completely certain that daddy isn't being mean? I would try to find out what she meant by "mean" before drawing any conclusions.

If there really is nothing, then it's probably just a fairly normal toddler mummy preference and it will ebb and flow as she grows - you might find yourself on the shitlist at some point 😂 but I would definitely insist on some involvement for her dad in things like bedtime, bath, stories etc even if you have to be thereabouts as well for her to accept it.

Do you ever get to spend time with her without the baby?

It’s pretty common when a new sibling comes along, they often get very jealous.

When DD was like this what worked well was if I started doing something and DH subtly took over once she was engaged in the activity.

Also, make sure she gets time with you while DH has the baby as well as time with you and the baby together. I used to bf DS with DD cuddled up to my other side.

And reassure DH that it’s nothing personal and not to take it to heart. If he’s upset and then being a bit off with her, she’ll pick up on it and it will reinforce her feelings of wanting you.

@Greensleeves @MyHomeIsMyHome @PuttingDownRoots @cakecoffeecakecoffee

Thanks all for your comments. I think the problem is they only get to see each other at her worst time of day the last hour before bedtime, so she’s shattered and being difficult with everyone 🫠 but especially dad.

with her saying he’s being mean I feel like she’s just saying it as a reason for him not to do the caretaking, but perhaps you’re right maybe she’s picking up on something subtle. It’s difficult for DH he walks in from work and wants to spend time with her and she’s just horrible to him.

I know it will pass. He’s been in her hood books for months on end before, but this time just felt very acute. I guess being 3 is hard and she has a new sibling, dropped her nap, gave up the dummy and potty trained all in the last 6 months.

I don’t get to spend enough 1:1 time with her. That is a really good point.