How do/did you get your baby to sleep?

[Newmumin23]

My little boy is 4 months and I’m really struggling with getting him to sleep.
I probably held him too much when he was tiny and that then turned into rocking and patting him to sleep, we’re trying to stop that now as he’s getting bigger (and heavier) and want him to be able to fall asleep on his own.
We do a bedtime routine and a short pre nap routine, I put him down in his bedside cot but he does anything from whimper to full blown scream, sometimes he just thrashes around. I obviously don’t leave him to cry but am I missing something? Should I be doing something else or do I just leave him laying there while he drops off? I do usually stay next to him but not sure if this is more distracting.

I’m taking him out in the pram or cot at nap time more and more as it’s easier and I’m starting to dread bedtimes.

You can’t overhold a baby.

Your expectations are way off what the majority of 4 month olds have the ability to do.

That's not true.
I started to put my daughter into her bedside cot when she was 3 months old. I was talking, touching etc. but eventually, she learned to go to sleep by herself. She's 19 months old and still does (except when she's sick or teething).

Is it possible your baby doesn't like to sleep on his back? My girl always screamed when I put her down like that- so I put her on her side instead, and I rolled her over to her back when she was deeply sleeping (I learned this trick from a German midwife).

A lot of people get into the habit of putting the child into the car or pram and eventually, they can't go to sleep by themselves. I know people who still have to drive around a 20 months old as they got used to always sleeping on the move.

Obviously do not force or push it, but I don't see a problem with trying early.

For dd1, it was the baby swing. It was the best piece of equipment I bought. She was always asleep within about 15 mins, we left her for about another 20 mins to fall into a deep enough sleep to take her out and put her in her cot.

At that age mine (bottle)fed to sleep. You can’t overhold a baby, some are ok to be put down to sleep, others need to be held.

Dd would sleep in her bouncer.

Ds will only sleep in my arms until recently, but now his cot for short periods. He's 8mo.

Dd was able to settle herself at 2.

Don't beat yourself up. Enjoy those snuggles.

My DS had to be held/rocked to go to sleep until 6 months when we did sleep training (Ferber).

You’re not missing anything. I think babies that can fall asleep by themselves at 4 months are the exception rather than the rule.

There will always be people that say they did a fabulous routine from very early on and that made all the difference… but I firmly believe that they had good sleepers to begin with. If they had bad sleepers they would have ditched the routine because it would be banging your head against a brick wall at that age.

We co slept with DD in a side car cot for the first few months. I would lie next to her and go to sleep and she would copy me. She has always been a great sleeper though, which was great when she was a young child (no early morning wake up!) but now she’s s teen and can sleep through her alarms.

Mine was a contact napper until 6 months. It was just what he liked. Then rocked him to sleep and put him down for around 2 months. After that we moved to bum tapping while lying in his cot. By 9 months I could just put him in and he would fall asleep independently. We didn't do sleep training as I couldn't bring myself to leave him upset. He got there eventually and has been an amazing sleeper ever since. I don't believe you can "over hold" a baby. Mine was never out mine or my husbands arms🙈

Could be 4 month regression. My son never went through it but some babies do.

when he was tiny? he's 4 months old he's still tiny! At night my 20 month old will happily lie down and go to sleep in bed. In the day though i still hold him and hug him to sleep and then will lie him down on the sofa whilst i get on with stuff.

DD is 10mos - I cosleep and breastfeed to sleep at night and for every night wake. During the day we're often out and about so she sleeps as and when, in the pushchair/sling/car. If we haven't gone out that day I just push her back and forth in the pushchair in the kitchen or garden when she looks tired.
DS is 4. We did the same for him, stopped breastfeeding to sleep around 16 months but still BF'd through the night. When I was pregnant with DD I started reducing his BFs and stopped completely just before he turned 4. He moved into his own room very gradually soon after turning 3.
It's not for everyone but it worked for us and kept my angst around sleep to a minimum. I firmly believe sleep can't be taught, only supported as it develops when the baby is ready. 4 months is still very little, and lots of babies have a regression around that time.

Over the course of raising three children, much feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep, leaving them to cry a couple of times, sticking them in the car and driving round cursing any red lights etc etc.

One of ours wad the worst, bless him. He just needed loads of comfort. He's still really cuddly now at 9.

Your baby is 4 months. Is it your first? Because it was such a shock to me too. Every minute was like an hour sometimes, I couldn't believe how much of my time he was taking up. Its shocking.

I googled and googled to try and make them settle better.

They do gradually need less and less help, some sooner than others.

Hang in there.

My first wouldn’t fall asleep unless being cuddled by me until she was at least 18 months old- this included night wakes.
my second hates being cuddled to sleep. They need a quiet room and are left to it in their cot/ pram. This has been the case pretty much since they were born. I don’t think I have done anything different with my second.
i found the gentle sleep mama on Instagram really helpful

My DD(4) still gets cuddled and put into bed asleep 🙃 So I do think you can probably over hold a baby - although perhaps not at 4 months.

The white noise machine worked for us a little bit.

I think it depends on your baby and what works for you/your family (although 4 months is commonly reported as an age where sleep goes to shit). I'd give various things a try for a week or so and see what you/baby like.

I got all this advice about spoiling my baby etc but she's 7 months now and is fed to sleep for every nap and bedtime (will nap in the sling if out and about) mostly because I can't be arsed with sushing/patting/rocking and she doesn't like it so it's more frustrating all round.

At some point she will stop feeding to sleep, but I'll deal with that when the time comes.

Mine was rocked, then when he got too heavy we sat and did a sort of jiggle, but that started to hurt my back so then we just lay in the spare bed in his room with him and pop him in his cot few minutes after he falls asleep. He is 10mo now and we are still doing this. I would like if he could fall asleep by himself but I have no intention of breaking my back trying to pat him in his cot (plus he stands up instantly). I also like the cuddle and the calmness of bedtime so we will keep going with this until it no longer works for us.

My daughter is 4 months and once she is changed for bed and fed, I pop her in her bouncer. She falls asleep pretty quickly and I give it 15 minutes before transferring her to her sleeping bag and crib. Sometimes she wakes up on the transfer but tends to drift back off once in the crib. Not sure if this is "right" if there is a "right" 😂 but it's what works for us