Really struggling – please tell me it gets better

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I feel really down today and need some light at the end of the tunnel. When does it get easier without all these sleep surprises? And why do I feel like the only Mum in my antenatals/ mums WhatsApp groups who is still finding it hard at 19–20 months? For almost 3 to 4 weeks DS has suddenly been waking up earlier and earlier in what I understand to be tummyache or possibly a nightmare. He’s gone from a solid 11 hour a night baby to 7-8 hours. This morning it all began at 4 o’clock in the morning. I had to do a big presentation at work later. I was a mess. And our families are in Scotland and Wales and we are in England so it’s really hard for them to come over at the drop of a hat and just take him to let us get some sleep.

I don’t know any strategies to either help figure out what’s going on with DS, help with our own sleep deprivation and I’m starting feeling like I’m just rubbish at this…
I love DS so much. I think about him all day and he brings such joy to our life. But it’s been four weeks of these crazy early starts and everyone I speak to at the nursery gates isn’t able to relate. A lot of the mums I met on maternity leave are now thinking about having seconds, but I still feel like I am in the trenches. Why does everyone else find it so easy and chill?

Mine is 11yo now but I still twitch remembering the sleep deprivation. It does get better! But it’s horrible when everyone else seems to have easy, long-sleeping kids.
Hang in there!

It definitely gets easier! All kids are different and come with different challenges so although your WhatsApp friends may pretend everything is great, chances are they're not! I remember people saying their babies 'slept through the night' from a young age, but then found out that 'through the night' meant from 1am to 4am!

I do remember having sleep disrupted until mine were 5 or even older, not every night though. It was more like just when you thought you could have a good night's sleep someone would wake you up in the middle of the night 'I had a bad dream'.... so you end up having them in your bed and going to sleep in their bed since there's no space otherwise.

I did find the book 'Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' by Richard Ferber really helpful though as it explains all about sleep and why sometimes you get woken in the night but feel okay and other times you feel dreadful and explains about nightmares and what expected sleep is like at different ages along with techniques you can use.

For what it’s worth my son is 18 months and has never slept through the night. He goes to sleep around 8, then is up at 1 for a feed, again at 4 and 5 and then ready to start the day at 6! Until he was 16 months he was up every 2 hours for a 5 minute feed. So it is improving, just very slowly. I think it’s normal for them to still be up and down a lot at night, though a disaster for us as parents!

What time is he going to bed and what is his nap schedule like? Maybe if you tried putting him to bed an hour later he would wake up an hour later? I know if my son gets more than 2 hours nap in the day the night sleep is a disaster.

Hopefully it’s just a phase and he will be back to sleeping 11 hours soon!

Thanks all a bit of kindness of strangers really does help. Comparison is so difficult for me. I feel insanely jealous of the new mum friends whose babies seem to be miracle sleepers. Yes @csiaddict that’s good to know that actually probably lasts to some extent until childhood. I don’t mind the occasional interruption like when he was getting molars, but three or four weeks of this is really tough! And @Moriquendi I’m sorry to hear that your little one is up so much when it must be tough for you too. Guess you’re probably in the normal range and other people just don’t talk about it! Do you go to work?

Sleep deprivation is terrible- especially when you have gone from a period of good sleep to a period of interrupted sleep. It doesn't help that sleep deprivation also effects your mood, concentration, emotions, decision making etc which makes it even harder to deal with. Ds1 was appalling at sleeping until about a year (and lots of effort) but then became an amazing sleeper. Ds2 was fairly random and had periods of waking up until he was at school. Ds3 was generally a good sleeper but still has the odd disturbed night and he is a teenager.

My favourite book was 'teach your child to sleep' by The Millpond Clinic. Lots of facts, options, flow charts and step by step instructions.

Oh 20 months ish is hideous. It’s a horribly hard part of childhood. They are unbearably sweet but goodness such hard work. I’d have had far more children if I could magic up 3 year olds without having to be pregnant or have children below the age of 3. They need absolute supervision at all times and good and nap routines etc. urgh
it will ease up. In about a year… hang in there

I work part-time though will go on maternity leave in November and unlikely to go back to work after that. I find being at home more tiring with him but also more enjoyable, you never get a second to sit and have a cup of tea. Nap time is the break but I feel I spend most of it tidying up/ cooking/ cleaning! At least I can listen to my music then, instead of him requesting “The Wheels on the Bus” for the one millionth time 🤣.

I think most people just don’t talk about it or consider “sleeping through” to be a stretch of 4/5/6 hours (what ever your child does 😂). I’ve had criticism from older family members, saying I should sleep train him, “one night of crying is all it take” etc but if I’m coping and he is happy then I’d rather not. So I don’t talk about it anymore!

My husband does take him Saturday so I can have a lie in until 8 and then I do the same for him Sunday. Do you have a partner? Is he sharing the 4am starts?

My youngest is 2.5 and has slept through once! I sleep with her as she often wakes at 5:30am and I give her milk and she goes back to sleep. My eldest was the same and didn't sleep through until 4! Not everyone has babies that sleep and those that do are the lucky ones!

Mine is 17 months and she been waking up around 5am-5.40am every morning for about 6 weeks now. It's exhausting. I pray every evening next morning it changes. 😂

1 everyone lies. Was a shocker for me. But they do, to make themselves feel superior. Ignore them.

2 get the book the wonder weeks. It explains the development stages babies go through. Really helped me.

3 just get through each day, as it does get easier.

You have to go to bed earlier to get more sleep

It's tough, i know

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate it. I’ve been reflecting this past couple of days and I do think most people are not being honest! I still feel like there’s a taboo in social situations to say you are struggling on occasion. I love him so much, I just wish he would sleep a little bit longer so I know that I’m doing the best for him.