2 Year Old Intense Meltdowns - working mum any advice

[Mumlifeandstuff]

So looking for some advice or just someone going through the same.

my 2 year old (28 month old) has been having really bad meltdowns recently (obviously I know terrible twos) and mainly in the morning time.

He went to see his grandparents for a week and they said he had no meltdowns or anything in the morning.

me and my partner think it’s hugely linked to 1) Him testing his limits with us
2) Me going to work in the mornings
3) gets worse when he has a cold or something which is fine (I know he needs extra love)

but we are finding it so hard in the mornings.

I have an hour to get ready before I leave for work and my partner usually does childminder drop offs. In this time he is crying, won’t eat breakfast (but is clearly hungry), he runs off, he throws things but also wants those things. It’s like a constant battle in the mornings.

id love to sit and play with him but I just don’t have the time! However, in the evenings I always put my phone away after work and play with him, do dinner and bedtime etc.

any advice on how to help him? He’s clearly got some big emotions at the moment and not sure what to do to help.

he’s at my mums one day a week and a childminders 2 days a week (soon to be 3 this week) and his dad one day. Then he’s with me at the weekends and sometimes dad too if he gets it off work!

many advice to help him or just any one going through the same!

feel none of my mum Friends experience this level of tantrums xx

i apologise for the long message too! 😊

Deep breath. It's crap being a working parent, especially on days like this.

Start with trying to distract him - ooh birdie, sunrise, anything, just when he's starting to kick off. Get as much of your stuff sorted the night before as you can. If you can make a breakfast the night before (bircher muesli, overnight oats etc.) and have it in your bag, you can hold off eating breakfast until you get in the car / to work to help him.

He's showing that he's unhappy, which he will be. He can't control the situation. Make sure he has enough sleep, so maybe try and earlier bedtime. Set out a couple of sets of clothes, two bowls / spoons etc. so he has some element of choice and praise him to the rafters when he does something helpful - come over to get dressed etc. I find that singing help move thing along and helps to stop grousing. Yes, it's mad to sing "now we put our socks on, our socks on, our socks on" but you have to remain sane too.

This will keep rearing its head as he goes through development stage though. My 5 year old is also going through a clingy / I want mum phase, so youll be using your skill set again.

@MabelMaybe Thank you!

I think you’re right sorting all of my bits the night before so I can spend as much time with him as possible in the mornings is a good idea 😊

You need to sort yourself out before he wakes so he gets that connection he is looking for. Bring getting up time back if necessary to have calm and non rushed - it doesn't help them (or us!).

Try have a set routine - so he knows what is next - get him involved, lets pick a bowl etc all little choices help reduce their frustration.

Finally, remember this will pass and you are human and doing the best you can.

Get up early and get yourself ready before he gets up so you have time to focus on him. It means getting less sleep or going to bed earlier but it’s worth it.

Yeah, I always get dressed and ready before I get him up anyway. But I can deffo prep lunches and maybe eat my brekkie at work. But he wakes 5.30 so usually get him out of bed 6-6.15 as he likes to chill there.

I think as-well our biggest struggle is breakfast. So even the mornings I’m not working I read books with him and then I say let’s get brekkie ready and he starts having a meltdown.

but he is clearly hungry as once he eventually eats the meltdowns stop. X

Hmm, maybe after he wakes just hand him a bite. No mention of breakfast maybe he is linking the word to getting ready and out ? Have you tried music? My pair reacted positively to a bit of 'bare necessities' getting ready. ABBA, bin jovj also were hits

So update,

Today I was dressed, ready, lunches packed, breakfast packed to have at work.

did the usually sit with him to read books and then the meltdowns started again!

this lasted all morning - but it was easier having everything done as I could be a lot calmer and present.

hoping it will get better! I’m trying to figure out what’s triggering them in the morning. Also he has a cold atm so they’re ramped up a lot more xx

I would try switching it around so you have breakfast first and then read books after. Otherwise the reading books is the lovely bonding time and then as soon as you say breakfast that signals the beginning of the routine that means he’s away from you. Try to intersperse the times of connection in between routine.

alternatively you could try having breakfast while reading books? I am a fan of meals at the table but no reason why you can’t also take a book to the table and read it to him while he’s eating. Same with getting dressed - the only way to get my toddler dressed is to let her stand at the edge of the bed with a book on the bed and she flicks through the books while I put on her clean nappy and outfit.

So I’ve tried the brekkie straight away thing as we thought it was hunger but then he has a bigger meltdown with that he can’t read his books first.

I could try brekkie whilst we read his books in his room. But we’ve just had a two tough weeks getting him back sitting at a table to eat.

oh yes getting changed and nappy changes is a tough task!!

Just take the books to the table?

Or if you don’t want to do that then do one less book than you normally do and the have breakfast and then have another book after if he eats it ok.

What do you usually give him for breakfast or does it vary, and where does he usually eat, and do you eat with him? Im presuming you've asked him why he's upset etc and he isn't able to tell you anything coherent?

Sympathies btw, it definitely does get easier as they get older but I think mornings are sadly always going to be hectic and a low point for anyone with kids when everyone's rushing for work/school/nursery etc. I remember it wasn't enjoyable for me as a teenager even in my own family home haha.

Not much advice but solidarity. We're in the same situation with our 15MO. I think the root cause is that he doesn't really want to go to nursery - so anything that is on the path to getting him out the door is stressful for him. He also doesn't go to nursery at the weekend and the one day a week he's at home with his dad, but doesn't know the schedule enough to know which days are / aren't nursery days.

But there are also just so many potential flashpoints - nappy change, being strapped in the highchair, getting un/dressed, putting shoes on, washing teeth, brushing hair ... Today I thought we'd made it without too much distress but tried to wipe some sleep grit out of his eye before leaving and he was totally furious and screaming about it. And then upset all the way to nursery with DH. Sometimes you just can't win.

We have songs for different activities, he helps choose some of his clothes, we try to make space in the morning routine for some play and some closeness and it all might help a little. But it's still more miss than hit over here.

I'd forget about breakfast and take the pressure off yourselves. You can give him a banana or something in the car. He'll be fine and will no doubt have a snack later and plenty of lunch.